Page 28 of Misery In Me

“Gage?” Worry in her voice has my eyes snapping open to look down at her. “Am I hurting you?”

“No,” I choke out. “Please—” I draw in a breath.

She nods, continuing, and I allow myself to feel everything. Zoe, McMahon. Getting shot.

All of it.

She doesn’t judge me for crying or for turning into a complete mess with her in the shower with me.

Ale is just here.

We stand there under the water, and I begin to feel like myself again. The tension seeps out of my body, replaced by a sense of calm and relaxation that I haven’t felt in weeks.

But even as I’m feeling more at ease, I know that this is just the beginning. There’s still so much uncertainty ahead of us, so many unanswered questions about what’s going on between us and where it might lead.

And yet, for now, it doesn’t matter because all I need right now isher.

Something about her is making me feel more alive than I have in my entire life. Before her, I wasn’t dead, but I wasn’t really living either. I was shell with a beating heart, and even when Zoe came, I was lost. I was trapped in the misery, a state of existential numbness.

Ale is finding me.

She’s breathing new life into me, chipping away at the misery and replacing it with a profound sense of being.

With her, I’m not just existing anymore.

ELEVEN

ALEJANDRA

This is bad, Ale, really fucking bad. You cannot seriously be falling for the father of the child you nanny.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I need this job. Leave it to me to complicate this with feelings. Though it’s not just me that is holding onto feelings. Gage feels something too, and that’s what makes this even worse. I’ve only been here for just over a month and not only do I love this little girl like I’m the one that birthed her, but every time I look at her father, my heart wants to explode. So many emotions course through me.

Care, appreciation, want—so much fucking want.

Helping him recover has been a rollercoaster, to say the least. It’s like I’m caught in a whirlwind of conflicting desires and responsibilities. On one hand, I want to be there for Gage and his daughter to support them through this difficult time. But on the other hand, I can’t deny the growing attraction I feel towards him—this deep ache that I have blooming inside that’s for him.

Just for him.

It’s not just physical attraction, though. There’s something deeper, something that goes beyond the superficial. Maybe it’sthe way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention or the way he’s opening up to me. It’s those moments that make me question everything, that make me wonder if there could be something more between us.

I can’t risk losing this job. This opportunity can make all the difference in my siblings’ lives with the financial stability I can be for them. Not only that, but there’s an innocent little girl who depends on us and who needs stability and love. We can’t let our desires jeopardize that. Lust doesn’t make a sustainable relationship, and that’s all these feelings are, right?

I want to believe that it is just lust that pulls my heart toward him. But seeing him hold and show affection to his daughter gives me butterflies. Or when he asked me if I was making sure to take care of myself while he was out on a field op... I know it’s not just lust.

So, I’ll continue to be the best nanny I can be, pouring my love and care into this precious child. And I’ll push aside my own wants and desires, reminding myself of the importance of boundaries and professionalism. Because at the end of the day, what truly matters is the well-being and happiness of this little girl, even if it means sacrificing my own.

I goabout my day trying to maintain somewhat of a professional distance from Gage. It’s difficult, especially since he opened up in the shower and showed a side of himself that needs so much tender care and understanding. But I’m determined to keep my feelings in check and not let them get the better of me.

His daughter needs for us to put whatever this is behind us. Because it would never work, the single father with his child’s nanny. I’m sure things are already being said on base about meliving here. I’m no stranger to the rumor mill between military wives. Gage doesn’t need that messing with his career.

At lunch, Gage joins us in the kitchen, and he entertains Zoe while I get food prepared for the both of us and her bottle. Zoe stares up at her father from her little bouncy seat that he has set up on the island, and he stands there and talks to her. I watch them interact from the corner of my eye, feeling a pang of want in my chest.

It’s almost like we are our own little family. In a different life, this could have been us, maybe.

I look over my shoulder to sneak a better look at them and I’m met with his piercing green eyes, and the look he gives has me spinning around, the room feeling extremely stuffy now. I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks, and I let out a staggered breath.

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