Page 19 of Misery In Me

I let out a low growl of frustration, but I can’t lose focus now. “Understood. I’ll deal with it once we’re on the way back. For now, keep the comms open with the other teams. Don’t let anything slip.”

“Got it.”

The last thing I want is a comms failure when we’re on the move. But there’s nothing I can do about it until the mission’s over. The men need to be my priority now, and they’re moving fast, doing exactly what they’ve been trained to do.

The warehouse is behind us now, and I hear the hum of the extraction vehicle approaching. I’m not one to show too much emotion—there’s too much at stake to get lost in that—but today feels good. I know it’s just a drill, but we executed it with precision. The team performed like I knew they would, and that’s all I can ask for.

We pile into the vehicle, and I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding. Alvarez gives me a nod, his face impassive as always, but I know he feels the same.

“Good work,” I say, my voice rough from the exercise. “Everyone did their part. No casualties, no mistakes. We’re ready.”

I can feel the weight lifting off my shoulders, but there’s no time to relax. The next mission is always on the horizon. We’re not done. Not yet.

As the vehicle rumbles toward the base, I think about Zoe and Alejandra, back home. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to focus on anything other than the job, and part of me wonders what’s happening back home. But I can’t afford to think too much about it. I’ve got a team to lead. I’ve got men to take care of and a job to do. When I get back, I’ll check in. But right now, there’s nothing else that matters.

The humof the vehicle engine fades as we pull back into base, and I let out a long breath. My mind is still on the team, running through what went right and what could’ve gone smoother, butthere’s one thing I’m really looking forward to: the video call with Zoe and Alejandra. It’s a brief window of normalcy, the one time today I can be sure of something besides the job.

I make my way to the comms tent, the noise of Marines prepping for the next phase of training humming around me. I slip into a small corner, pulling out my phone and hitting the video call button. The screen flickers for a second before a familiar face appears.

Alejandra’s smile hits me like a punch in the gut, warm and comforting. She’s sitting on the couch with my daughter cradled in her arms, swaddled in a soft pink blanket. Zoe’s little eyes are wide, taking in the sight of me like she’s trying to place me, because God knows we’re still both strangers to each other, even though biologically we are connected. Her tiny hands grasp at Alejandra’s shirt as she wriggles in her arms.

“Hey, baby girl,” I say softly, my voice thick with the feelings I don’t let show on missions.

Alejandra’s gaze shifts from the screen to Zoe, and I catch the softness in her eyes—the way she looks at my daughter like she’s her own. Something inside my chest tightens—a feeling that I only get when I see her look at Zoe like that.

“Hey, Gage,” Alejandra says, her voice warm but tinged with something else. “Is everything going okay?”

She’s worried.

Zoe makes a soft gurgling sound, and my heart feels like it’s pulling in every direction at once. Seeing her—seeingthemtogether—it’s a reminder of everything that’s bigger than this mission. Everything I’m fighting for in this world.

I swallow hard, trying to push the feeling down, but the attraction I feel for Alejandra is clear and confusing. She’s holding shit together for me back home, for Zoe. She’s done more than just keep my daughter safe. I’ve seen how she handles the responsibility and how she looks after Zoe like she’s her owndaughter. That warmth, that connection—it’s... real. But I can’t afford to think about that right now—not while I’m here, on duty. Not with everything else hanging in the balance.

“Good to see you both,” I say, my voice steadier now. “How’s everything going?”

“It’s good,” Alejandra replies, her tone light, but there’s something in her eyes that feels heavier than I expect. “We’re managing. Zoe’s doing great.”

I glance at her again. She’s so small, so perfect. The weight of responsibility hits me again, a reminder of how much I’m juggling. I’ve got this, though.

I have to.

I’m all she has.

“I miss you both,” I murmur, the words slipping out before I can stop them.Shit.I hope they don’t sound too soft, but they’re the truth. Even in the short time that Alejandra has been in my life, she feels like an integral part of it. I’m lost at how to navigate this whole dynamic of being a single dad and having a nanny that I find attractive.

I think she feels the same. But what the hell do I know? She could just be looking at me because I’m the dope staring at her like she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And she’s living in my house, taking care of my daughter and fucking hanging onto every word that comes out of my mouth.

Alejandra’s smile is the only thing keeping me tethered to the moment. Her smile softens, and for a moment, it’s just the three of us—me on the other side of the screen. Zoe’s tiny face lit up with the glow of the phone and Alejandra’s steady presence. I can almost feel the warmth of the living room, the way things settle into a rhythm when they’re together. It’s a feeling I’m not used to, and I’m not sure how to handle it.

“You’re doing good, Gage,” Alejandra says, her voice gentle but firm, like she’s trying to reassure me. Her gaze flicks downto Zoe, and there’s something almost protective in the way she looks at my daughter. It’s the same look I see on her face when I check in at night on the baby monitor before I head back out for a mission or go to sleep.

“I’m trying my best,” I reply, but there’s a heaviness to the words. I’m more than just trying. I have to be more. But some days, it feels like I’m walking a tightrope between doing what I can for Zoe and making sure the mission is never compromised. “I’ll be home soon. Shouldn’t be long now.”

“We aren’t going anywhere,” Alejandra says, her voice softer now. It sounds almost too casual, too accepting. But there’s an underlying tone I catch—a kind of understanding that makes me pause. “You’re doing what you have to do. One day when she’s older, she’s going to appreciate all you’ve done for her. ”

That’s the thing with Alejandra, she always knows what to say to keep my head spinning with things I shouldn't be thinking. I know she doesn’t just care about getting the job done—because if that was her objective, she wouldn’t be telling me these things. She gets it. It’s not just about filling in while I’m away, she’s there, with Zoe, genuinely looking out for her. That’s why I’m letting her stay, even though I can tell feelings are developing on my end—hell, she’s been nothing but solid, reliable.

I can’t fuck this up by wanting more.

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