Page 3 of More Than an Ex-Girlfriend

I scroll and stop when I readRegret and Moving on. I click the link and read the short post.

Years ago, I made a choice. At the time, I thought with all my heart that I was doing the right thing. Now I wish I could take it all back. But I put my trust in someone I shouldn’t have, and now I live with regret. I want to make it right, but I don’t think I can. I’m afraid to even try.

Maybe I should just move on and try to let go of the regret. But I don’t know how.

Anyone out there successfully move on after making a bad choice? Help a girl out and share some advice.

The post is vague, but it resonates. Instead of adding a comment to the post, I send the user a message. I’m careful online not to include identifying info, but my username does give away my unusual hobby. Besides, the username Crocheting-Cowboy is funny.

But regret is my constant companion, not because I made a bad choice, but I couldn’t stop someone when they made a choice that hurt us both. And I’ve spent the last five years trying to move on.

I’m not sure my advice will be helpful because, in my case, moving on is an overstatement. I think about Lettie often, but I haven’t wallowed in the same place. After leaving my hometown, I chased my dream. I’ve built a life for myself doing what I love, and I’m surrounded by people who are like family.

This person, Regretful-Raccoon, wants hope, and I can offer that. It does get better.

Crocheting-Cowboy: I saw your post. After something happened to me, I moved. Literally. It helped. I’m still working through some stuff, but the life I have now is good. Really good. My advice for how to move on is to think of what you want your life to be like and then take one step in that direction. Then after a few weeks, take another. After enough steps, you’ll find happiness. Or maybe little pieces of it that you mold together.

That’s my advice. I hope it works for you.

I hit send, then toss my phone aside. It’s the first time I’ve sent a private message on this app, and I probably should’ve given it more thought before I sent it, but it’s done. And while I may regret sending it, I choose to let go of that regret. Maybe this is the next step in my moving-on process.

My phone buzzes, and I snatch it up. Regretful-Raccoon replied. In my head, she’s a young woman regretting a breakup. And I picture her with long dark hair and intense brown eyes. That pretty much describes Lettie.

Clearly, I have more work to do until I’m completely over my ex and moved on. But it’s a work in progress.

Perhaps hearing from someone who made the bad choice will help me get a better understanding of Lettie’s side. The anger I’ve carried is starting to weigh me down.

In reality, the user could be an older woman who sold stocks at the wrong time. Though, the post had a different feel to it. I don’t think it was about losing money.

Regretful-Raccoon: Thank you for your advice. It’s simple. Doable. I like that. I’ll have to give some thought to what the first step might be. And I like your username.

I must be starved for connection if the first person I message feels like a friend. But they like my username, so I have to reply.

Crocheting-Cowboy: If possible, maybe you could leave the place where you made the bad choice. Distance helped me. That could be a first step.

As for my username, I learned a long time ago and recently picked up the hobby again. It is its own kind of therapy.

And I’m still in progress with the moving on. So don’t be discouraged. It can be a bit like a step forward and sometimes a couple of steps backward.

After hitting send, I wait, hoping for another message. But I didn’t ask a question. If she answers, I’ll make sure to include a question in my next message to keep the conversation going.

My new pen pal replies right away.

Regretful-Raccoon: I guess I’ve already taken the first step because I did move. But I have mixed feelings about where I am now. I’ve made a great new friend, but here there’s a constant reminder of my bad choice. I probably should’ve chosen a place that was free of reminders.

And I appreciate the encouragement about it being a journey. I’ll have to think of it as a two-step. I’m not sure if in that dance people actually go backward, but I’ll pretend.

Have a great rest of the night. My morning starts super early, so I need to sleep.

Without giving away identifying info, can you tell me something that’s good about your life now?

She asked a question. That’s a positive sign. I connect my phone to the charger and tuck into bed because she’s not the only one with an early morning. Then I pick up the phone again and read through the messages. For the first time in ages, I’m excited about something. And this poor stranger has no idea that she’s sparked that.

I guess that proves I haven’t really moved on. But no one I’ve met compares to Lettie. After being with someone who could glance at me and know what I was thinking, it’s hard to start over.

But admittedly, I haven’t tried very hard.

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