Page 46 of More Than Falling in Love

I hand him a bottle of water.“Then let’s go.”

This is a good opportunity to chat about things with Poppy.I want to be sure I’m doing this the right way, and he knows the friend zone.

“So, uh, how often do you talk to your friend?”

“Usually just when she comes to the ranch or if I’m around when she’s at my parents’ house.She comes around when my sister is in town.”He shoots me a side glance.“Definitely not every night.”

I choose to ignore the obvious reference to my relationship with Poppy.Right now, I’m gathering information, not giving it out.“What about the nickname?How does she react when you call her that?”

He shakes his head.“I’m the one with the nickname.And every time she uses it, I get a bit more discouraged because it solidifies that she only sees me as a little brother.Getting out of the friend zone is hard.Shaking a little brother label.Probably not possible.”

“Why are you still hoping if you think it isn’t possible?”Logically, it makes sense to step away when there is no path forward.

Parker sighs.“Why have you let yourself get so close to Poppy when you know it will hurt when she meets someone else and eventually gets married?”

That’s a question I’ve asked myself often, and I don’t have an answer.“I wasn’t asking about Poppy.”

“When you figure out the answer, then you’ll know why I’m still hoping.”

We’re quiet for a while, and the time to think only stirs more questions.

“But y’all are in the friend zone.That’s a good thing.”

He comes to a full stop.“I’ve never met anyone who is so happy about the friend zone.That’s not someplace you strive to be.You get put there.It’s like a prison with a daily dose of ache.And there is the occasional stab of pain, like, for instance, when she announces that she’s engaged.So, well.There’s that.”

I hadn’t really thought of it that way.Until now.“Are you saying I’m putting Poppy in the friend zone?”If I’m hurting her, I need to know.

Reins in hand, he nudges Bonny and moves forward.“With y’all it’s weird.You two have put each other in the friend zone.And I don’t get it.Yes.she lives far away.That’s not a minor obstacle, but the way you talk, even if she lived on the ranch, you’d still rule out anything romantic.Why?”

My past isn’t something I’ve discussed with anyone.And out on the trail, far away from others, I decide that should probably change.But only a little.“I can’t.”

“You won’t.”

“With good reason.”I point to a tree with a large canopy.

In the shade, we dismount and guzzle water.

“The way you talk about your family makes them sound picture-perfect.Ideal.My childhood wasn’t anything like that.Dad drank.My brother wasn’t a nice person.And my mom walked out on us.”I give a watered-down summary.

“It’s crappy that she left you.I’m sorry.”

I swing back up onto the horse.“Let’s keep going.”

“I’m open to hear more.”Parker gets on his horse.“If you want to talk.”

I’ve said this much.Might as well tell him about my other big failure.“I somehow made it to adulthood.When I was nineteen, I met Michelle, and I thought finally I’d found someone to love me.So we got married.But it didn’t last long.”

“I didn’t know you were divorced.”

“We didn’t divorce.She just left.But that’s why I can’t be more than Poppy’s friend.People don’t stay.I’m not…” I ride out ahead a few paces, giving myself a chance to think.But when Parker catches up to me, I make my point.“I’m not that loveable long-term.”

I opt not to launch into a discussion about how women can’t love me.My dad never left.He just died.My brother had his own issues and never loved me to begin with.

“Mason loves you.You’re like a son to Ava.Of course you’re loveable.Like a giant teddy bear, Kent.Seriously.”

I laugh, picturing myself as a fuzzy bear.“It’s not the same.For Mason, I’m doing my best to be what I wish I had growing up.I’ll never be perfect, but taking care of that kid and making sure he knows he’s loved is my top priority.His childhood will be different from mine.”

Because of the way Parker talks about his family, I don’t expect him to understand my reasons.

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