Page 14 of Curse of the Sun and Stars

Morgana

“Goodnight, dear.”

I meet Etusca’s gaze, but I have no words for her. My throat is tight and scratchy, run ragged by the argument we’ve just had over all the same points we always do. I want answers about what the plan is for me, why I never see my parents, whether I’m ever going to get to leave Gallawing and live a normal life. But all Etusca can give me are the same empty words.

“Please trust me, Morgana,” she says, tears shining in her eyes. “We’re doing what’s best for you.”

This jerks an angry retort out of me.

“We? Who is ‘we,’ Essy? You and a group of strangers with complete control of my life? Am I really expected to live here for the rest of my days, without any chance to live a life ofmychoosing?”

Etusca looks as tired as I feel. Her glassy eyes drift from me to the window, as if she’s struggling to focus.

“No, I don’t think that’s what your parents want for you,” she says weakly.

Despite her obvious discomfort, her feeble response only sparks my anger more.

“You don’tthink? Then what do they want? When will I befree?” I choke the last question out, heavy with despair.

“When it’s safe.”

“Safe!” I can only throw the word back at her as I bark out a strangled laugh.

It’s been four days since my carefully laid plans were torn to shreds, and every minute, every hour, has felt like a countdown to disaster. Bede didn’t get his chance to attack me that night. As soon as the guards returned me to the manor house, Marlowe put every single one of them on duty. There was a double watch assigned to me, and when I refused to tell him how I was able to leave without anyone knowing, any guards not posted at my door were ordered to spend their time trawling the manor, hunting down the way I got out.

They haven’t found the delivery tunnel yet, but it’s only a matter of time. Then a chapter of my life—the one with friends and a sliver of liberty—will be ended forever. And I don’t even want to think about what the new chapter will look like—one where I’m trapped at Bede’s disposal with no way out, surrounded by people more concerned with keeping me prisoner than keeping me safe.

Etusca was horrified when she heard what had happened. It shocked me to see the intensity of the fear and sadness in her eyes that night. She grasped my hands so tightly I thought my fingers might snap, and she told me the outside world wasn’t safe for me. I’d heard that a thousand times, but I knew then, with crystal clarity, that Etusca believed this completely.

But why?

“Your potion can’t be found on just any healer’s shelf, dear,” she explained when I was forced to admit my plan about finding more on the road. “It’s special, difficult to make, and you wouldn’t have been able to replace it. Then who knows what could’ve happened?”

“I’d still be free,” I shot back. The idea of dying in agony in some coach house long before I reached Will, didn’t fill me with enthusiasm, but at least I wouldn’t constantly be looking over my shoulder worried about Bede.

My eyes are drawn back to Etusca’s face, which is sickly pale with worry. Despite our fight, I rise and go to her, pulling the dryad into my arms. She’s shorter than me, and her soft, green hair brushes against my chin. She still smells like trees and fresh greenery and earth, even after all these years away from the Miravow. I close my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Essy. But at least if I was gone, you could return home where you could get healthy.”And not waste away because of me.I don’t share that last part.

She squeezes me back, though her embrace is much weaker than it used to be.

“My dear, I don’t have all the answers, but I know I can’t lose you.” She sniffs.

Guilt eats at me knowing I’m the cause for her worry now. “I know.”

Etusca isn’t getting any better. Just this morning she was so distracted she had to measure out my potion twice to get the dosage correct. “But I’m not okay with you sacrificing your health to keep mine thriving.” I can’t bring myself to tell her that if I can’t find a way to leave this place soon, I might not want to stay alive.

As Etusca leaves my bedroom, I remind myself that none of this is her fault. If I wasn’t born without magic, ifIwasn’t so fragile, none of us would be here in the first place.

The moment she’s gone, I start my evening preparations—the ones I’ve put in place every night since my escape attempt. I shove my weight behind my armoire, heaving it up against the door. My bedroom is locked from the outside, but I don’t know which guards are posted on the other side with the key. Soon Bede will be on a night shift and will find a way to charm the other guard into turning a blind eye to an evening visit. Who knows, perhaps he’ll even invite his colleague to join him.

That sickening thought gives me the strength to ram my shoulder into the lump of wood, hard, ensuring it’s properly wedged against the frame. I open the top drawer and reach in between my underwear to pull out the serrated knife I swiped from the kitchen. Una’s been complaining for days about it going missing, but if she knew where it went, I’m sure she’d agree I need it more.

I don’t know whether it was boredom or some sort of premonition, but Will had found an excuse to teach me all manner of skills a lady isn’t supposed to need to know, and I would forever be thankful. As I slip the blade under my pillow, I ask the gods to bless my friend, wherever he is, and to watch over me too. My faith has never been particularly strong, but on a night like tonight? I’ll take whatever help I can get.

* * *

I’m drowning.

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