Page 86 of In the Stars

“We love Lana’s Mischief!” someone else shouts.

“Fuck Tech!” yet another fan yells, and that makes me smile, if only slightly.

Right after news broke that I was back in rehab, Tech started looking for his fifteen minutes of fame. He went on a talk show to peddle some tell-all book he had in the works, several chapters chronicling the night I overdosed in his hotel room. He tried to paint himself in a light that said heattempted to get me to stop using, but I did the drugs I found in his room.

The woman that was there that night came forward with the real story, as well as a shaky video from that night, showing Tech not only giving me pills and pouring me shot after shot but also drawing a line of coke for me and practically shoving my face into it. What little career he had after that fell apart. I have no idea where he is now and I don’t care. I have no desire to try to make amends with him this time around.

I’ve never pushed blame on him for what I did. I chose to stay in that hotel room and get shitfaced and do enough drugs that I overdosed. I’m an adult, and I could have said no or walked out of that room as soon as I saw it littered with all those bottles of booze. I just didn’t want to. What Idoblame him for is trying to expose me and play the good guy when he told me he wanted to ruin my sobriety.

I don’t address that comment shouted at me because I might agree and I’m trying to leave this stage with my tattered reputation intact.

“All right,” Kas says, “if you know the words, sing along. You ready, Ryder?”

“Oh yeah. Let’s go!” Then we jump right into “Prayers For Me”.

The crowd sings along, on perfect key to the song.

We roll from one track to the next, having fun and enjoying our final concert. I croon the lyrics, singing my heart out, wanting to remember my last show as the best one I’ve ever put on.

After finishing our song, I look at my bandmates, and both of them give me a thumbs-up and a smile. I grin back before I turn to the mic. “What do you all think about us performing my favorite song?” Their cheers give me myanswer. “Since it’s our last show, I figured it’s only right that we perform the song that started our careers, “In the Stars”.”

The backing music is turned off, and the three of us play a pure version of “In the Stars”. As I sing, I look toward the backstage and see Jaxon smiling widely at me, his hands clasped and resting under his chin. I keep eye contact with him while I sing, remembering the first time he heard it. We were so young back then.

In our next life, we could be more…

So much more than what we are…

So for now, baby, look for me in the stars…

When the lastnote fades out, the crowd goes fucking wild, stomping their feet and yelling at the top of their lungs.

Behind me, Mitch and Kas keep playing, giving me time to try to catch my breath.

“Before we go, I want to play one last song for you guys. One I wrote for my husband.” It takes only a moment for the crowd to understand what I said, but as soon as they do, they cheer and scream. “Yeah, I got married last month to the man I’ve been in love with since I was fourteen. Can you believe he wanted to marry a crazy fucker like me?” The crowd screams yes, which makes me smile. “This song is called “Inside Moments”.”

After strumming my guitar, we break into an upbeat song about my life with Jaxon. It has us jumping around the stage and the crowd in a frenzy.

Inside the moments we share…

Nothing will ever compare to…

The love you give me…

And the burden you bear being…

My inside moment…

I look backstage at Jaxon,who’s rocking out, playing air guitar. My husband has no rhythm and two left feet, but I love dancing with him anyway. It’s one of our inside moments.

The song ends, and I smile up at the camera circling overhead, my face clear on the jumbotron. I’m happy with the way my career is ending. I was afraid no one would attend, since our last concert was such a fucking disaster because of me.

But people showed up for us, giving us their love and appreciation for what we do. It means the world to me, and I’ll keep it with me until the day I die.

Tearing my eyes away from the camera overhead, I look out at the crowd, sweeping my gaze so everyone feels seen.

Then my eyes snag on a familiar face, staring at me with so much hate I can feel it from dozens of feet away.

Tech.

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