Page 82 of In the Stars

Walking around the side of the bed, I sit in the chair that’s set up there and take his hand in mine. I push his hair back, and his pale face comes into view. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper to him over and over.

I wish I had been there to help him. He’ll beat himself up for this, I know it. He’ll think he’s broken. I’ll just have to help him pick up the pieces.

After a few minutes, I lean my head on the bed and close my eyes, holding his hand tight in mine so he won’t wake up and feel alone.

“Jaxon,”Wesley whispers, rubbing his hand through my hair.

My eyes flick open and I turn my head, looking up at him. His eyes are red-rimmed, and there are dark circles under them. “Hey,” I murmur. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit,” he says, a single tear leaking from his eye. “I fucked up.”

I take his hand and kiss the back of it, sliding closer to the bed. “What happened? Can you tell me?”

He sucks in a jagged breath, then blows it out roughly. “I met with Tech, and he had…coke and liquor everywhere. I wasn’t strong enough to say no.” He curls in on himself and cries.

My heart clenching, I climb into the bed and hold him close, threading my fingers through his thick tresses to soothe him.

“I shouldn’t have done any of those drugs,” he cries. “I should have left. I was weak. So fucking weak. I need help, baby.”

“Okay. Okay. I’ll get you help. I promise.”

“I’m so sorry,” he says through his tears. “I fucked up so bad. I’m sorry. You can’t have an addict for your boyfriend. I’m fucking trash. I’m no fucking good for you.”

“Please stop,” I say, my own tears sliding down my cheeks. “We’ll get you help. But you are good for me.”

“I’m not. I can’t be. Not like this.”

“We’ll get you help. I promise. I love you. You’re not alone in this.”

“Love might not be enough. I’ll keep failing, I know it. I’m fucking weak.”

“You’re not. You’re strong.”

He makes a noise in his throat.

“Youare,” I say vehemently. “You’re asking for help. That’s strength, baby.” I pause for a moment, then say, “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. I’ll always be in love with you, and I’ll always help you. Do you hear me? Love willalwaysbe enough.”

The doctor comes in a few minutes later and tells him he needs to keep a monitor on his heart due to his years of drug use. He’s okay to leave, but he has to follow up with his primary care physician.

When he leaves, I look down at Wesley, finding that he’s already peering up at me. “What do you need, baby?”

“I gotta go back to rehab. I can’t be out right now, knowing what those drugs felt like in my system. I’ll justwant more. I need an environment that will make it hard to get them until I’m strong enough to say no.”

My throat clogs with tears, but I simply nod. “Okay. When do you want to go?”

“Today if I can. I’m not sure how I’ll get there, but I need to go immediately.” He asks for his phone, and I pull it from my pocket and hand it to him. “I’ll call Zed and ask him to get me a space. Then I have to check myself in.”

Wesley talks to his manager, crying and apologizing for fucking up again and going back to the drugs. I can hear Zed soothing him, trying to calm him down.

When his sobs get too overwhelming, he hands me the phone, and I talk to Zed. “Hey,” I say, wrapping my arm tightly around Wesley, hoping my presence calms him. “What do I need to do?”

“I’m arranging him a slot in the rehab I admitted him into last time. They’re good, and they’re discreet. I’m also chartering a private jet for the two of you that will leave in three hours from an independent tarmac in Seattle.”

He promises to visit as soon as he’s able to have visitors and tells Wesley he loves him and he’s proud of him for seeking out help. Zed gives me a few more instructions and then we hang up.

I toss his phone down and wrap my arms tightly around Wes, kissing the top of his head as a steady stream of tears cascade down his face. “Listen to me.” He hiccups but nods. “I’m going to be there for you. I don’t care how long it takes. I’ll be there. You can do this. I know you can.”

“You really believe that?” he asks in a tear-drenched voice.

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