Page 75 of In the Stars

Pulling my mouth away, I then press my forehead to his and whimper. “Jaxon. I’m going to come. I’m…thank you,” I moan just before I erupt, my back bowing with the force of my release.

When I sag against him with a sob, Jaxon holds me and kisses my forehead, praising me for how good I did. I try to keep my feelings at bay, but I’m so fucking happy that I can’t stop the tears.

This is the first time I’ve felt so taken care of. All because of the man holding me.

“You didn’t come,” I whisper against his throat through my tears.

He chuckles and kisses me on the cheek. “That’s okay. This was for you. I’m okay.”

I’m too wrung out to fight him on it. Jaxon pulls me from on top of him and lays me beside him. He starts climb out of bed, probably to clean us off, but I don’t want him to move. “Don’t go,” I whisper. “Holdme please.”

“Always, baby. I’ll never let you go.”

Feeling as content as I ever have in my life, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. The only thing on my mind is Jaxon.

TWENTY-SEVEN

WESLEY

It’sdifferent going back to Mirrie’s office now. Ifeeldifferent. Freer than I’ve felt in a long time. Even though memories plague me sometimes, they don’t bombard me as often as when I first got clean. Jaxon and I have had sex like we’re fucking bunnies, and he’s fucked me as often as I’ve fucked him.

Not from behind though. I still can’t take that, and not seeing his face made me have a panic attack the one and only time we tried. But it’s gotten easier when we’re together. I even let him prep me the last time. He kept his eyes on me, pushing back his arousal to take care of me.

Mirrie notices the difference in me and comments on it almost immediately. “You look more relaxed than usual. Normally, you’d be pacing back and forth by now.”

I shrug and lower my head, heat rising in my cheeks. “I sorta have a boyfriend. He’s…perfect.”

Mirrie smiles. “That’s wonderful. Is he someone from your past?”

“Yeah. He’s…the one who blew the whistle on my abuse.” I sigh and sit back against the couch. “I hated him for so long, just for him to be the love of my life. He makes me better. When I woke up in the middle of the night from a panic attack, he was able to calm me down. I can only toleratehistouch. He’s my everything.”

Mirrie tucks her legs under herself, her many bangles tinkling as she moves. “That’s really amazing. I want to hear all about him.”

I tell her about Jaxon, from when we first met to our date in Canada. I don’t tell her that I asked him to make love to me so I can erase the memory of Perry. I’m sure she would say it’s some unhealthy coping mechanism or some shit.

But I needed it. God, I needed it. To feel Jaxon like that, knowing he’s the only one, it meant everything.

She’s smiling by the time I finish telling her about him, making notes in her colorful notebook with her pen with the pom-pom on the end. She sticks it behind her ear when she’s done, the puffiness of it clashing with her neat curly ponytailed fro. “Well, I’m glad you have someone you can count on. Does he know about you being in recovery?”

“Yes. He doesn’t do anything that will interfere with my sobriety. He’s safe, and he wants me to live my life clean. I never have to worry about him attempting to jeopardize that. I don’t trust many people, but he’s at the top of that short list.”

“Trust is very important when you’re in recovery. I think it’s great that you found someone that you can trust in that way. There’s something else too, right?”

I nod, my heart kicking up. Even though I’m still going to do what I want, I don’t want Mirrie to put doubt in my head about it.

“Uh…I found out what I want to do with Suzette and the house. I called last week and scheduled an appointment for the house to be demolished. And I plan to leave the ashes of my egg donor in there when it goes down.”

Her face takes on a pensive expression, but she only nods. “Will that give you the closure you’re seeking?”

“I think so. She doesn’t deserve even that. If it were up to me, I would have let her rot, and that would have been a fitting end. But Jaxon picked up her ashes, and I don’t want him to be burdened with her any longer than he has to be. And I can’t live in that town knowing the house I was tormented in is still standing. I’d rather fucking die.”

It’s hard for me to drive past it sometimes. I try to avoid the road altogether, but it’s on the way of leaving town, and sometimes, I don’t have a choice. It hurts less now and makes me angrier than anything else. If I could, I’d tear the entire structure down with my bare hands. I’d set it on fire and dance in the ashes.

I wish I had claim to Perry’s ashes so I could do the same to him, but from what I heard, he was buried by the state when his family refused to claim him because of his crimes. They were smart. For the rest of my life, I’ll regret not telling Jaxon to let Suzette stay in the morgue until the state got rid of her.

To my surprise, Mirrie smiles. “I think we’re getting somewhere. When you first started seeing me, you never would have expressed those kinds of strong emotions when you talked about your mom.” I raise an eyebrow, and she amends. “About Suzette. You constantly asked to skip the subject and move on. Now, you’re opening up, and I’m happy to hear it. If you believe demolishing the house and burying her ashes will help, I won’t tell you to do otherwise. Will you have support?”

“Yeah,” I say with a smile. “Zed, Mitch and Kas are flying in today, and Jaxon and Bob, his dad, will be with me. I’m not sure if I told you, but Zed is my manager.” She nods. “The demolition is scheduled for tomorrow. I already cleared it with the state, and they said it won’t cause a disturbance to the neighbors or surroundings.”

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