Page 59 of In the Stars

Hopping out of the shower, I quickly get dressed, and I step out of my room at the same time Dad does. He has on his usual dress shirt, slacks, and nice polished dress shoes.

His face is somber as he pats me on the shoulder. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” We start down the hallway, our feet dragging. It’s hard visiting where Mom is buried, knowing we can’t see her, touch her or hear her voice. “I invited Wesley. Is that okay?”

Dad told me he ran into Wesley there the same day Wes asked if he could visit my mom’s grave. He was pleasantlysurprised, happy to see that he was doing well after his stint in rehab.

“Of course, son,” Dad answers. “So many people loved her. She would have been happy with how many still come visit her all these years later.” There are times me or Dad will go by to see her and find fresh or dying flowers neither of us put there.

Twenty minutes later, we pull up to the cemetery. I spot Wesley immediately, standing facing my mother’s headstone. He hears us approach and turns around, his sad eyes brightening for just a moment. He has sunflowers in his hand, and I’m touched he remembered those were her favorites.

When we get close enough, he steps into me, kissing me lightly. “You okay?” he asks, and I smile because I’m the one that usually checks on him.

“I am now.”

“Good.” He gives me one more kiss, then turns to Dad. “How are you holding up, Bob?”

Dad shrugs. “As good as can be expected. The love of my life is buried here. I don’t think I’ll be more than just drifting through my days until I die. All the days when I truly lived died with her.”

Fuck, that hurts. Knowing my dad feels empty after all this time makes my heart clench. I wish there was something I could do to make it better for him, but there’s nothing that will mend his broken heart.

Words fail me, so I squeeze his arm in what I hope is a soothing gesture. He pats it, then we all step closer to the grave. Dad places the wreath he had made for Mom beside her grave and bends to kiss the headstone. “I miss you, angel. So much. Save a space in heaven for me.”

I’m too choked up to say what I want aloud, so I justkneel in front of her headstone and lay my hand on the ground in front of me.

Wesley lays a hand on my shoulder and fills in where I can’t. “Mrs. Collins, we all miss you. Life isn’t the same without you here. Wherever you are, I hope we’re making you proud. We hope we’ll see you again someday.”

Wes doesn’t believe in god or heaven, so his last sentence was for my benefit.

We stay for a few more minutes, cleaning up around her grave and having silent conversations with her.

“Alright,” Dad says when he removes the last leaf from around her plot. “I think we’ve said all we can say. Let’s grab some lunch and toast to my Lana.”

As we walk to the car, Dad looks over at Wesley. “You’re keeping her memory alive with your band’s name. She was so thrilled you thought so highly of her.”

“I did. I told my bandmates about her when we were thinking of band names, and they were all on board with it. I love that it made her happy.” He’s quiet for a few beats. “I sent her flowers every year for her birthday.”

Dad gasps. “So it was you. We had a feeling, but you never?—”

“I didn’t want her to know. I was still conflicted about everything here and how it went down. But I never forgot about her and how she shaped who I became. She deserved more than flowers, but my mind was too clouded to do more.” He leaves the rest of the sentence unsaid.Now I never will.

“Meet us at Carla’s in Chester,” I say, squeezing Wes’s hand. Chester is the next town over.

Wesley agrees, and Dad and I drive over. Silent tears slide down his face, making my own eyes well up. I blinkquickly and reach over to pat my dad’s hand. “We’re going to be okay.”

He sighs. “I hope you never lose the love of your life and feel the pain I’m feeling right now. Six years she’s been gone, and it feels like yesterday.”

Anguish so profoundly washes over me that I almost drive off the road. What would my life be like without Wesley in it? When we were separated, I knew he was still out there, so it didn’t hurt as bad. If he were gone forever, I’m not sure I’d survive.

Even though he’s been out of my life longer than he’s been in it, I know he’s the one for me. When my relationship with Evan ended, I was more relieved than hurt, because I knew that he wasn’t right for me. He wasn’t the man I really loved. The thought of losing Wesley takes my breath away.

I clear my throat and look at my dad. “I’m sorry, Dad. I wish there was something I could do.”

“You’re doing it, son. By being here with me, you’re doing it.”

We pull up to the restaurant a few minutes later. Dad looks marginally better, like talking and crying has purged his soul of some of his pain.

Wesley arrives shortly after, and we all enter the restaurant. The server recognizes him immediately, and he signs a quick autograph for her. He asks that she not tell anyone he’s here because he’s with his family. She nods like a bobblehead, escorting us to a private room and closing us in tight after she takes our order.

---