Page 68 of In the Stars

But Jaxon was so open for me, so into what I was doing, what he was doing to himself. I couldn’t deny that I wanted it too.

I tell Jaxon that, looking at the ceiling so I won’t see the pity on his face. He sighs and kisses my chest. “I understand. You have trauma from your past that can’t be easily overlooked. I get that. Just know I will never do anything I don’t want to do or put you in a situation where you have to question that. I promise.”

He’s so fucking perfect.

I glance out one of the windows and see the sun is setting. “Come on. Let’s get cleaned up and go sit at the fire pit for a while. Then we can come to the room, open the skylights, and watch the stars.”

Jaxon sighs against my chest. “I think looking at the stars with you will be my favorite thing to do.”

I kiss the top of his head again. “Then we’ll do it often.”

The lyrics for the song I wrote for him thread through my head, and I hum it to him as we gather our things to head to the shower just outside of our yurt. He joins in, smiling as I wash him and he does the same for me.

By the time we’re finished, the sun is resting just at the horizon.

I pull him to the fire pit, and we sit and admire the sunset. A few stars wink into existence as we watch it set, and the colors and view of it sinking as if into the lake is beautiful.

The setting of the sun has me thinking about new chapters in my life and what I want to do before I can move on.

“I made an appointment to have the house demolished,” I tell him in the quiet of dusk. I feel him look over at me sharply, but I avert my gaze. The sunset has me in its grasp. “Next week. I want you to meet my bandmates and manager, since they’ll be there.” I finally turn to him and tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. “Is that okay?”

“Of course. I’d love to meet them. So you’ve decided now is the time?”

Nodding, I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. Jaxon’s hand automatically goes to my back, rubbing in soothing circles, making it easier for me to get the words out. “There’s no reason to hold on to it. I don’t want it, and I have no desire to deal with a sell. I can’t stand the thought ofthe ghost of that place haunting me for the rest of my days. It has to go. And Suzette has to go with it. That house was a horror for me, and she was too. She can be buried with the rubble.” I turn to look at him, trying to fight back the sobs that want to tear from my throat. “Your mother was more of a mom to me than Suzette. I owe my birth mother nothing. Honestly, she’s lucky to have been cremated and someone as decent as you picked up her remains. I would have let her fucking rot.”

“I know, baby,” he says, placing his chin on my shoulder while still rubbing my back. “I’ll have her ashes for you when you’re ready to knock that shitty house down. Whatever you want to do, I stand behind you one hundred percent. You’ll never get any judgement from me.”

Wrapping my arm around his shoulder, I pull him close, and we watch the sun disappear into the lake. The moon shines bright enough that we can see our way back to our yurt.

We get undressed and lie in bed, Jaxon’s head on my chest as we look through the skylight and stare at the stars.

“Did you imagine this when you wrote that song?” he asks, his fingers dancing up and down my belly. “That we’d gaze at the stars together?”

I shake my head. “No. I thought if you ever weren’t with me, you’d see me in them.” He glances at me with a gentle smile. “Did you? See me in the stars?”

“All the time,” he whispers. “When I looked at them, I’d remember you singing. How free you were every time you had a guitar in your hands. How beautiful your voice was when you sang just for me.” His smile drops, and a haunted quality enters his gaze. “How your lips tasted when you left me. I didn’t think I’d get this.”

I cup his face, imploring him with my eyes to believeevery word. “You’ll never know how fucking sorry I am for hurting you.”

His smile is weak, but it’s there. “I don’t blame you. We were sixteen. We didn’t see things how we do through adult eyes. Stop blaming yourself for something you’ve already apologized for. I’ve forgiven you.”

The kiss he presses to my lips is sweet and so full of conviction that I have no choice but to believe him.

My life has been shit, my upbringing terrible, the drugs, the sex, the fast living. Having a shining light like Jaxon in my orbit is something I never thought I’d have or fucking deserve. He’s more than a fantasy I didn’t think would come true.

He’s a dream, and I don’t want to wake up.

The next morning,we go for a hike on the trail near our yurt. It’s about two miles long, and we get to the top with a small outbuilding for us to rest in.

“I wish I had my guitar,” I say, looking out at the entirety of the lake and the large, green trees along its perimeter. “It would be the perfect place to write a song.”

Jaxon walks closer to the edge of the cliff, resting his hands on his hips. “It’s beautiful up here. It’s crazy, it’s not that far from Washington, but it smells so different.” He peeks at me over his shoulder, looking more relaxed than he usually does. “I would give up my practice to move somewhere like this.”

I walk up behind him and wrap my hand around his waist, pulling his back to my front. “You’d leave your practice and live in a yurt?”

“No, weirdo,” he says with a chuckle. “Somewhere with this view, though…yeah, I would live in a yurt.” He pauses for a second. “Okay, no I wouldn’t,” he quickly says, making me laugh. “But it’s a nice dream.”

“We could always come back, as often as you’d like. Just say the word.” I kiss his neck, hearing that beautiful intake of breath. “I have enough money to take you around the world many times over if that will make you happy.”

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