Page 5 of In the Stars

“The fuck you think you going, you little shit?” Perry asks.

He isn’t my mom’s first boyfriend that makes her sell herself so they can get money for drugs. But he is the first one that has used me as his punching bag when he’s done beating up my mom.

I stand upright, my hand on the back of my head. “Out.”

“The fuck do you mean ‘out’?” He moves quickly, grabbing me by my throat and pressing me against the wall. I try to push him off, but he slaps me across the face hard, stunning me as blood flies from my lips. “You don’t fucking leave here without my fucking permission.”

I glare at him, but my body doesn’t respond to my commands to get away. It’s like I’m frozen, unable to do more than breathe and blink.

Perry grins at me, that familiar glint in his eyes. My stomach lurches, and my heart pounds.Please, no. Please, please, please.

God no.

But no matter how much I pray or beg an unseen god or spirit, I’m not so lucky. Perry pulls me away from the wall and tosses me toward my room, making me trip over my feet and fall to the floor. “Get in there. Your mom is tied up, so you’ll have to do.”

Instead of asking an invisible man in the sky, I look at Perry from my hands and knees, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. “Please, don’t.”

I beg and plead with him, hoping that this time, he’ll stop. That he’ll leave me alone, that he’ll wait for my mom to not be “tied up” as he called it. But I’m never so lucky.

Before I can cover myself, he kicks me in the stomach. My breath is knocked out of me, and I roll to my back, coughing and wheezing. “Stop…” I rasp, willing my body to move, but nothing happens as I try to catch my breath.

“Shut the fuck up!” he hisses, then kicks me again and again.

My vision flickers, going black around the edges. There’s nothing I can do as he drags me deeper into my room by my hair and tosses me onto the floor. I can barely move my arms to stop him from snatching my pants down and I can only whimper miserably when he shoves inside me.

I’m almost glad I weave in and out of consciousness. The pain is there—holy fuck it hurts so bad—but I’m able to disappear and get away from it for a few minutes at a time. I don’t have to hear his harsh taunts, feel his meaty hands on me, or concentrate on his intrusion.

All I have to do is survive.

I must pass out because when I come to again, there’s no heavy body pressing me into the carpet, and my pants are back in place.

My mom is beside me, running her fingers through my hair.

With effort, I pull away from her, not wanting her to touch me like Jax touched me. She can’t take that memory from me.

She huffs and has the nerve to look upset that I don’t want her hands on me. “The fuck is your problem? Perry said you copped an attitude with him, and he had to smack ya around.” She pops the gum in her mouth obnoxiously. “Itold you to leave him be. Stay out of his way. Ya life will be betta for it.”

I stare at her in disbelief. Shehasto know what he does to me. There’s no way she doesn’t. For the past six months, he’s been coming into my room and beating my ass before he rapes me. How could she not see that her boyfriend is a fucking predator?

“Mom,” I whisper, pushing myself up on shaky arms. “Perry?—”

She holds up a hand, silencing me. “Don’t wanna hear none a ya lies. Here.” She reaches into her bra and pulls out some tin foil. She opens the packet to reveal two tablets. When I don’t grab them, she rolls her eyes and puts them on the floor in front of me. “Take these. You’ll feel like you’re flyin’.” She stands up and looks down at me, and I see a flicker of…something in her eyes. Guilt? Regret?

My confirmation that she knows what just happened to me, what’sbeenhappening to me, and won’t help me. She’s not a safe place for me. Even though I knew that, the realization doesn’t hurt any less.

My heart constricts, and I have to fight back tears at having it confirmed: my mother is letting her boyfriend rape me, and she’ll never do anything about it. She’ll never protect me.

A soft sob slips past my lips, and I turn my head so she doesn’t see how much she’s hurt me.

In a soft voice that sounds more like the mom I used to know, she says, “It’ll take the pain away.” Then she twitches out of my room on sky-high heels, her skirt askew.

I stare down at the pills. Can they make me feel better? Can they make me forget? I want nothing more than to forget what just happened, what’s been happening for almost a year. I want to pretend that my life isn’t shit, that Ican get out of this hellhole and make it as a big-time rock star.

I can be someone that isn’t a victim, that isn’t taken advantage of.

That isn’t weak.

With shaking hands, I pick up the pills and toss them back, swallowing them dry.

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