Page 32 of Man Advantage

Yeah, right. As if I didn’t know.

Somehow, I held on to my dignity, and I just cleared my throat and gestured at my bedroom door. “I’ll, um, see you in the morning.”

“Right.” He smiled with an edge of shyness and uncertainty that I couldn’t quite parse. “See you in the morning.”

We both retreated to our bedrooms, and as soon as I was behind a closed door, I closed my eyes and exhaled.

I’m going to go insane while he lives here, aren’t I?

Probably. But there weren’t a whole lot of alternatives, and quite frankly, I wasn’t interested in any. I liked having him here, even if his presence was plucking at the fraying threads of my sanity.

Was I always like this when I was attracted to someone?

Or was this just what happened when I hadn’t wantedanyonein way too long?

That was quite possibly it. My sex drive had been so dead and gone since long before my divorce, I hadn’t evenwantedit to come back. I hadn’t cared if I ever got horny or got off ever again.

Tonight… I was horny. And oh my God, I needed to get off.

I reminded myself again that it would be painfully awkward to face Cam across the breakfast table the morning after I’d jerked off to him. That was what had kept my hand off my dick every night since he’d arrived. Tonight, I wasn’t so sure I could resist.

Then again, would it really make a difference? Because he was screwing with my concentration, and that wasn’t going to get any better as long as he was living here. Seeing him in his swim trunks. Watching his powerful body in the water. Just… being around him. Yeah, it really didn’t matter if I took care of this hard-on now; I wanted him, I was hard for him, and it was going to be just as embarrassing to make eye contact with him whether I got off or not.

So… fuck it.

I was paranoid about making any noise even though my bed frame was remarkably quiet, so I stepped into the shower. By the time I was under the rushing water, I was rock hard and desperate for friction, so I got right to it. I had to bite back a groan as I closed my fingers around my dick. My toes curled into the hard floor, and the heat beneath my skin was almost enough to make the water hitting my back feel cool.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pumped myself furiously, imagining I was with Cam. Naked with him. Against him. Inside him. I imagined tasting his mouth. Sliding my hands all over his gorgeous body. His hands sliding all over me. God, I wanted to feel him. I wanted to hear him when he came. I wanted to turn him on and get him off any way he asked me to. Any way that made him hot.

When we’d dated, we’d wanted each other the way horny teenagers do—have hormones, want sex. This? This was completely different. I didn’t want sex. I wanted sexwith Cam. I wanted to be tangled up with him, buried inside him, absolutely coming unraveled with him. I wanted to feel the ripple of tension run through him just before he came, and I wanted to feel every tremor and every whimper while he rode his climax as long as I could make it last. However he wanted me to wring that pleasure out of him—fucking him, fingering him, going down on him—I’d do it all, and just thinking about doing any one of those things had me gasping for breath as my orgasm closed in.

In the second before I went over the edge, I had just enough presence of mind to clamp down on the cry that tried to escape my lips. The shower swallowed the shuddering groan as I unloaded all over my hand and the wall, thrusting into my own fist the way I wished I could be thrusting into Cam, until my knees nearly dropped out from under me.

Hand still around my cock, my other arm still pressed against the wall, I stood there for a long time, trembling and panting. Water continued beating on my back. My heart continued slamming against my ribs. Those sexy fantasies continued flashing through my mind.

Fuck, if any one of them came true now—if I got the chance to lay a single finger on him—I wasn’t sure I’d survive it.

Though… dying by orgasm while Cam had his hands on me? I mean, I could think offarworse ways to go.

I laughed at my own thought, then pushed myself off the wall and turned to face the water. I shakily rinsed off and got out of the shower. After I’d dried myself and brushed my teeth, I climbed into bed, and goddamn—my legs were still shaking. My whole body was still vibrating.

Eyes closed, I replayed that ridiculously hot session in the shower. I was kind of surprised I didn’t get hard again, though the night was still young. For now, I just basked in the solo afterglow, both relieved my libido had returned and half out of my mind because I wanted someone I couldn’t have. Someone who was in bed right down the hall. Someone who lived in my house.

“Fuck my life,” I whispered, rubbing my eyes with an unsteady hand.

Living with someone who I wanted so bad I couldn’t think straight was seriously frustrating. And distracting. And…

Still a million times better than living with someone who resented me and despised me too much to even think about touching me.

No, I couldn’t have Cam. And even if he wanted me, it was probably a bad idea because he worked for me, and because I needed him in very real, non-sexual ways.

But he was back in my life. He was saving my ass. I could fantasize about him in secret the same way I’d fantasized about other men I couldn’t have. Being this close to him without being able to touch him would be frustrating, but it beat the hell out of not having him back in my world.

I could live with this.

I might need to stock up on lube and I’d probably wear out my elbow.

But I could live with it.

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