His lips parted, which made me think I’d revealed something about Chats that he either hadn’t noticed or hadn’t wanted to acknowledge.
And while I was on that tirade, another piece clicked into place.
“You know, when I got together with Cam, Chats’ bullshit stopped bothering me. I stopped caring.” I narrowed my eyes. “And then lo and behold, you and Chats are suddenly convinced Cam and I are fucking.”
“Which you were,” he snapped, though his anger was waning in favor of embarrassment.
“Yeah. I was.” I shrugged. “And I won’t apologize for that. But doesn’t it tell you something when the reason you figured us out was that your boyfriend’s bullshit wasn’t getting under my skin anymore?”
Bryan blinked. “What?”
“Oh, come on.” I scoffed, letting the sarcasm drip. “Chats was relentless about rubbing it in my face that he was with you. And yes, it bothered me. It was fucking annoying, and it—look, we’re done, but it still hurt, okay? He can have you, but yeah, it sucked, being reminded every goddamned day that he was screwing you.”
Some color drained from Bryan’s face.
“Do you know how hard that is?” I demanded. “Trying to do my job while someone is constantly there and constantly reminding me that he’s fucking my ex-husband?”
“That’s…” He swallowed. “Yeah. That’s… really unprofessional.”
“Unprofessional?” I scoffed. “How about fucking heartless? Cruel? Just goddamned obnoxious?” I threw up a hand. “I’m not one to question your taste in men, but why the hell are you with someone like that? Is that the example you want to set for our kids?”
Bryan opened his mouth, probably ready to let fly with something defensive, but he hesitated. He closed his mouth. Shifted his weight. Maybe my last question had gone too far, but I didn’t take it back. It was something we both had to consider when we picked post-divorce partners.
Gentler now, I said, “I’m not telling you how to live your life. Date whoever you want. As long as they treat you and the kids well…” I gestured dismissively. “I don’t care.” Holding his gaze, I let some of the hurt and worry take over for the anger in my tone. “Is someone like him really treating you and the kids well? Really? Because he’s good with kids, but if he’s that much of an insufferable asshole to?—”
“I get it,” Bryan snapped, and he folded his arms. “Look, he really is a good guy. To me and the kids.” He showed his palms. “I… I didn’t know he was?—”
“Bullshit you didn’t,” I hissed. “Maybe you didn’t know what he was saying in the locker room. I can accept that. But you can’t honestly say you didn’t know he’s been trying to antagonize me ever since the two of you got together. Or that you haven’t been helping.”
His jaw tightened.
I went on, “I don’t care if your new partner likes me. I genuinely don’t. And me and you—we don’t have to be friendly.As long as we can co-parent, I don’t give a fuck.” I stabbed a finger at him. “But don’t fucking pretend you had a problem with your boyfriend making things worse between us, or that watching him act like that won’t have a negative impact on our kids.”
To my surprise, he actually looked chastened. He avoided my gaze and gnawed his lip.
“He let it get far enough to jeopardize both his career and mine,” I said. “I don’t know if he told you, but we’rebothon thin ice over it.”
Bryan tensed. “You won’t… You won’t lose your careers,” he insisted, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself. “One of you might get traded, but?—”
“You don’t think people will find out why? You don’t think it’ll get around that we had to be separated because of locker room drama? The League still has a hair up its ass about queer players. You don’t think people will perceive it as two queer guys fighting over a man, and that won’t translate into guys like us having no place in a locker room?” I set my jaw. “And I’d ask if it’s crossed your mind that if I get traded because of this bullshit with Chats, then I’ll be even farther from our boys. But hey, you’d have primary custody and I’d almost never see them, so that would work out great for you, wouldn’t it?”
To my surprise, that seemed to hit a nerve, because he lost even more color. He avoided my gaze, his eyes unfocused as he apparently reeled from what I’d said.
“I…” He swallowed, shaking his head slowly. “I don’t—I want you see the boys. I don’t want to take them away from you.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I growled.
I fully expected him to lash out, but his shoulders sagged a bit further. Knowing him as well as I did, I had to wonder if he hadn’t beenconsciouslytrying to separate me from our sons, but was realizing now that was exactly what he’d been doing.
Now that I had his attention, I went on, softening my tone a little. “I don’t care if you’re with Chats, okay? I don’t. I really, really fucking don’t. But whether I like it or not, Ihaveto co-parent with you, and Ihaveto coexist with him.” I threw up my hands. “Something has to give here, okay? And it can’t be me this time.”
Again, I fully expected him to snap at me. I expected him to give me shit for putting this on him. Even when a ball needed to be firmly in his court, he never took it gracefully.
This time, though…
He chewed his lip as he met my gaze. “We, um… Yeah. We do have to co-parent. And you and Tim…” He glanced down the hall as he trailed off.
“I don’t know what else I can do.” My voice wavered a little. “I’m trying to be everything I’m supposed to be right now. A teammate. A dad. A co-parent. I…” I flailed a hand. “I can’t do that with this much animosity coming from youorfrom your boyfriend. We don’t have to like each other. We don’t have to be friends. But wehaveto be our sons’ dads.”