Page 20 of Man Advantage

Trev recovered before I did. “Being with someone like that sounds miserable.”

“It really was. I should’ve left a long time ago, but…” I waved a hand. Because what could I do? It wasn’t like I could go back and swipe left on him. I sure wished I could, though. It felt like I’d lost years of my own life because of him.

Years of my own life, and too many years with my best friend.

I made myself look in his eyes. “For the record, I wanted to come to your wedding. I really, really did. And he and I fought about it for like a month.”

“What?” Trev stared at me with horror. “Jesus, Cam. I wanted you there, but I didn’t want to cause problems with your boyfriend.”

“I know. And it wasn’t your fault. It was him being an asshole.” My voice threatened to shake as I said, “He did a lot of shit while we were together, but I never forgave him for making me miss your wedding.”

Trev sighed, and to my surprise, he slid closer on the couch and pulled me into a hug. “Not gonna lie—I thought you didn’t want to be there. If I’d known you were with someone who was treating you that bad…”

I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him. “Nobody knew. I made sure they didn’t.”

He drew back and stared down at me, brow pinched. “But why? If you were so unhappy…”

I gave a heavy shrug. “That’s how it works with people like that. In hindsight, I never should’ve given him the time of day. He had me so off-balance all the time, I was constantly scrambling to keep him happy. So I never really had a chance tostop and think, you know, this is kind of fucked up.” Exhaling, I broke eye contact and shook my head. “And then one day, we’d been together for eight years, he’d mostly isolated me from my friends and family, and I barely even knew who I was anymore.”

“Jesus Christ,” Trev breathed. “That sounds awful.”

“It was. It… Ugh. He criticized everything I did.Everything. Nothing was ever good enough, and I believed him. I was so wrapped up in trying to be better, I couldn’t even see how bad it was.” I paused. “There were some things I put my foot down about. He didn’t like that.”

Trev tilted his head. “Like what?”

“God, where do I start?” I rolled my eyes. “For one thing, he pushed me for a long, long time about getting bottom surgery.”

Trev’s lips parted. “Seriously?”

“Yep. And like, I don’t even think it was a transphobic thing. If I’d been cis, it would’ve been something else. I think me choosing not to get more surgery was just an easy target for him.”

“Jesus Christ,” Trev growled. “I’m just glad he didn’t actually push you into getting something you didn’t want.”

“He almost succeeded a few times,” I admitted. “He’d always come at me about it when I was in a really low spot. Like right after my dad died, or after I had to stop working out for a while because of a car accident. My body was—I mean, I wasn’t in as good a shape, you know?”

“I get that. It takes a ton of work, and one injury can set you back months.”

“Right? So I gained some weight and lost some muscle tone, and even though I knew it was just part of the process and it wasn’t forever, I didn’t feel great about it.”

“I can relate.” Trev scowled. “And he used that time to pressure you about surgery?”

“Well yeah.” I laughed bitterly. “What better time to make me consider making massive changes to my body than when I’m seriously unhappy about my body?”

Trev rolled his eyes, a low growl emerging from his throat. “For fuck’s sake.”

“Seriously. Fortunately, the guys—especially Don—were always happy to give me a reality check.”

There was genuine relief in Trev’s expression and the way his shoulders relaxed. “I’m glad they were there. I wish I could’ve been, but?—”

“Daniel wouldn’t have let you near me. He barely put up with me talking to the other guys. You?” I shook my head. “He’d have lost his shit. Hell, he was pissed that I sent you a wedding gift.”

Trev’s expression shifted from relieved to pained. “I just can’t believe someone treated you that bad for so long. And pressuring you to get surgery? Fuck, dude. That’s just…” He balled his fists at his sides. “Ugh.Fuckthat guy.”

“You’re telling me.” I ran a hand through my hair and rolled my shoulders, which had started tightening up. They always did that when my thoughts turned to Daniel. “Anyway, like I said, I don’t think he actually cared if I had bottom surgery or not. It was just an easy target to criticize and pressure me. If I’d gone through with it, he’d have found something else before I was even out of the OR.”

Trev actually shuddered. “I can’t even imagine. But I’m glad he didn’t actually get you to go through with it if it wasn’t something you wanted.”

“It wasn’t. Never has been.”

---