Icouldn’tlose what little time I had with the twins already. And that meant I couldn’t lose Cam as their nanny. Not until I could line someone else up to take his place.
But then he’d be out of a job. And I’d probably lose my friend, not to mention the man I was quickly starting to feel things for that I thought I’d forgotten how to feel.
How the hell do I do this without ruining my relationships with three of the most important people in my life?
CHAPTER 30
CAM
I hadn’t beenable to relax since the conversation with Bryan a few nights ago. I’d managed to put on a chill and happy face when I’d FaceTimed with Trev, though I’d begged off from any spicy chatting. Even the platonic conversations took more work than they should have; as soon as the screen had gone dark each time, I’d been back to wringing my hands and worrying myself sick.
I was being irrational. Bryan was just trying to get under my skin, and apparently he’d found a way to do exactly that. It didn’t mean he was right about anything.
But something about that interaction had jarred another set of uncomfortable feelings that I couldn’t shake off. It was as if he’d knocked me out of the clouds and back down to earth, and while he’d been full of shit, he’d jostled me enough to make me see some of the ugly things I’d been carefully ignoring. I’d been so caught up in how amazing it felt to be with Trev again, and how much I loved this new thing between us—even if it didn’t have a name yet—that I hadn’t let myself think about any of the potential drawbacks.
I still wasn’t letting myself get to them yet. I kept circling back to everything Bryan had said, and I knew myself: I was focusing on those so I didn’t have to stare down everything I’d been trying to ignore.
But none of that was helping me sleep. Or think. Or just relax once in a goddamned while.
So I finally did what any grown-ass man with an ounce of sense would do in this situation: I called my mom.
“Things are going good with him,” I said. “But there’s a part of me… I don’t know. I can’t decide if I’m just being paranoid after Daniel, or if there really is a reason why this is all going to blow up in my face. And I’m kind of afraid to find out.”
“That’s reasonable,” Mom said. “Nobody enjoys looking things like that in the eye.”
I grunted in agreement. “You’re not wrong. But… I don’t know. Am I just looking for a reason to pull the plug on this? Because I don’t want to pull the plug on it.”
“Is there any reason why you’d want to?”
“Not really. I’m just as crazy about him as I was in high school.” I paused. “I’m tired of his ex-husband, though, that’s for sure.”
Mom huffed a laugh. “He’s an ex-husband. I doubt you’re the only one who’s tired of him.”
“You’re not wrong,” I grumbled. “But now he’s figured out I’m dating Trev, and he’s just…ugh. He’s insufferable.”
“Oh Lord. He’s giving you grief for that? Hasn’t Trev put a stop to that?”
I sighed. “He doesn’t know about it. Not… not yet.”
“Why not?”
“He’s on the road, and it just started. I’m… I don’t even know if Ishouldtell him. Things are already so strained between them, and they still have to co-parent, and…” I groaned. “It’s just so damnmessy.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I admitted, “Andthe ex—he’s said some shit that’s got me thinking things I really don’t want to think about.”
“Oh really?”
I took a deep breath and told her about the conversation with Bryan. About how it had been needling at me for days, and how I didn’t want to believe Trev was using me, but after Daniel, I was afraid to trust anyone. Even the man who’d been my best friend since we were kids.
“I don’t even know what to think anymore,” I said. “I know Trev, but I’ve got so damn many trust issues now, and I…” I pushed out a breath. “Am I losing my mind?”
“No, you’re not,” Mom said. “And I think if you told Trev everything you just told me, he’d understand why you’re confused and worried.”
Something about her tone gave me pause, though. As if there was an unspoken “but.”
I sat back and stared up at the ceiling. “What am I missing? Because it sounds like I’m missing something?”
“Well, I mean, I’m concerned that…” Mom trailed off.
I sat up a bit, my stomach knotting. “Concerned that… what?”