Page 25 of Home for Christmas

“We’ll take her up.”

She let her arms fall back to her sides and nodded.

They pulled off boots and socks and sweaters and wrapped Clara in warm flannel. She murmured a bit and tried to stay awake but the adventures of the evening took their toll. “It’s Christmas Eve,” she mumbled. “I’m going to get up real early in the morning.”

“As early as you like,” Faith told her as she pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Can I have cookies for breakfast?”

“Half a dozen,” Faith agreed recklessly. She smiled and was asleep before Faith pulled the blankets around her.

“I was afraid…” She let her hand linger on her daughter’s cheek. “I was afraid I’d never see her like this again. Safe, warm. Jason, I don’t know how to thank you for just being there. If I’d been alone—” She broke off and shook her head.

“I think we should go downstairs, Faith.”

The tone made her press her lips together. She’d be ready, she promised herself, to handle the accusations, the bitterness, the resentment. “I think I’d like a drink,” she said as they walked downstairs. “Some brandy. It looks like the fire’s gone out.”

“I’ll take care of it. You get the brandy. There are some things I have to say.”

“All right.” She left him to go to the little cabinet in the dining room. When she came back, the fire was just catching. He straightened from it and took a snifter.

“Do you want to sit down?”

“No, I can’t.” She sipped, but it would have taken more than brandy to steady her nerves. “Whatever you have to say, Jason, you should say it.”

CHAPTER 10

She stood looking at him, her back straight, her eyes burning with emotion, her hands clasping the snifter tightly. Part of him wanted to go to her, gather her close and just hold on. He’d found a child and nearly lost her in the same night. Did anything else matter? But inside was a void that had to be filled. Questions, demands, accusations had to be answered. There had to be an accounting before there could be understanding, and understanding before there could be forgiveness. But where did he start?

He walked to the tree. There was a star on top that shed silver light over all the other colors. “I’m not sure I know what to say. It isn’t every day a man turns around and finds himself with a half-grown daughter. I feel cheated out of watching her learn to walk, hearing her talk, Faith. Nothing you can do or say can ever give that back to me, can it?”

“No.”

He turned to see her holding the brandy at waist level. Her face was very pale and calm. Whatever emotions she was feeling she managed to restrain. Yes, this was a different Faith than the one he’d left. The girl would never have been able to exert the self-control the woman did. “No excuses, Faith?”

“I guess I thought I had them, then tonight when I thought I’d lost her…” Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. “No excuses, Jason.”

“She thinks Tom’s her father.”

“No!” Her eyes weren’t calm now but brilliant. “Do you think I’d let her believe her father had deserted her, that he didn’t care enough even to write? What she knows is basically the truth. I never lied to her.”

“What is the truth?”

She took a steadying breath. When she looked at him, her face was still pale but her voice was calm again. “That I loved her father, and he loved me, but he had to go away before he even knew about her and he wasn’t able to come back.”

“He would have.”

Something rushed into her eyes but she turned away. “I told her that, too.”

“Why?” The fury came back and he fought against it. “I have to know why you did what you did. I lost all those years.”

“You?” Her temper was less easily controlled than her grief. Years of holding back bubbled inside her and burst out. “Youlost?” she repeated as she whirled around. “You were gone and I was eighteen years old, pregnant and alone.”

Guilt flared. He hadn’t expected it. “I wouldn’t have left if you’d told me.”

“I didn’t know.” She put the brandy down and pushed back her hair with both hands. “It was just a week after you’d gone that I found out I was carrying our baby. I was thrilled.” With a laugh, she wrapped her arms around her chest. For a moment she looked heartbreakingly young and innocent. “I was so happy. I waited every day, every night for you to call so I could tell you.” Her eyes sobered. The smile faded. “But you never called, Jason.”

“I needed time to set things up—a steady job, a place I could ask you to live in.”

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