Page 105 of The Promises We Break

“I can’t offer you New York, at least, not right now. I can’t give you what you need in your career, and I’m fucking pissed there’s nothing I can do to change that.” My hands run through my hair, attempting to grab the rampant thoughts streaming through my mind. I take a steady, deep breath to continue my fight.

“You can have both. You can have a career and a life and… us. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I never want to hold you back, ever, but I have to fight for this. I can’t not fight for you to stay… with me.” My words are more rushed now, coming out as a plea, a desperate demand.

I didn’t have a speech prepared, but it sure came out like one.

“Hudson—”

“Stay.” I interrupt her before she can say anything more, and I stare straight through her, even though she’s dodging my gaze. “Stay with me.”

She glances around the room nervously. Her eyes are glossed over and shiny, and as much as I don’t want her to resent me for staying, the selfish part of me would rather live with that than live without her. Even though I know how wrong that is.

Her chest lifts as she sits taller in her chair. There’s a slight tilt in her chin and an invisible wall constructed within the blink of an eye.

“I can’t.” She swallows thickly, like the truth of her wanting this, wanting us, sits at the top of her throat and she refuses to let it surface.

My heart fucking shatters.

As if there is an anchor on my neck, my weighted head falls forward and I close my eyes painfully, wanting to say so much more. A tight band forms around my chest, killing the air from my lungs, along with the desire to keep fighting.

I step over to the side of the island, open the top drawer, and pull out the manila envelope that I stuffed in there this morning. I had it tucked away in my desk for months, hoping it never saw the light of day. But I retrieved it this morning and signed it, knowing I would be powerless to do it in front of her.

Her eyes widen as she sees it, and I know she knows exactly what it is.

I grip it tightly in my fingertips, not wanting to give it up.

“Fuck,” I whisper to myself. Scolding myself. Blaming myself.

I walk around the island, cupping her face urgently, hauling her lips to mine. She kisses me back with just as much urgency and silent tears streaming down her cheek. The salty liquid crawls over our lips and hits my tongue. I can’t help but moan into her to avoid more petitioning and desperate begging for her to change her mind.

Reluctantly, I pull back, resting my nose on hers, keeping my eyes closed. If I look at her, it will destroy me, and if I don’t stop, I’ll never fucking stop.

“I can’t watch you leave.” With my head down, ashamed and disappointed in myself that I couldn’t do more, be more for her, I place the envelope in her hands, containing both the signed papers and my bleeding heart.

“I love you.” Giving her one final kiss before I tear myself away, I step around her as a gaping hole bursts through my heart.

55

HUDSON

Iwalk out the front door and keep moving so I don’t turn back. Reaching the elevator, I step in and go down to the lobby.

My mind reels between mixed emotions of anger and sadness. I’m proud of her, so fucking proud. I really am. But why did they need to offer her that job? I’m pissed at everyone, when it’s no one’s fault but this fucked up circumstance.

The elevator doors open, and I’m surprised when Henry is standing on the other side of it.

I glance around, looking for anyone else, but it’s just him.

“Hey.” He was shocked to see me here, even though he’s in my fucking building.

“Hi,” comes out as a question.

He places his hands in his pockets, showing a timid side I rarely see.

“I came by to see if you wanted to get some breakfast,” he asks with some foreign sound of vulnerability in his tone.

I pause for a moment, hearing the questions that Ember has asked a few of times over the past couple of months.

Does he deserve my forgiveness? No.

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