Page 75 of Hiding Secrets
“Stop it. I don’t need it from you either.”
“What?”
“The whole speech about howamazingElliott is, and how she could beamazingfor us, and we all could be in anamazingly amazingrelationship. It's all bullshit. I’m not dumb. I’ve seen it all play out before. I’m good.” I go to walk back to the dining room but Hunter grabs me by the neck, pressing me against the wall.
“I wasn’t gonna say any of that.” His jaw ticks as he watches me squirm in his hold. “Fucking shit, Marcus. How badly do you need to distance yourself? How much is too much for you?” He doesn’t let me answer the questions, and I honestly couldn’t, even if I wanted to, “Do you think being miserable is your punishment for yourself? Do you think thisat-arms-lengthbullshit really makes your life safer?”
“I said I didn’t need a speech.” I break from his hold, “Let’s go eat this fucking cake before Kam leaves you and your girlfriend.”
“She makes me happy.” He says quietly, and I stop in my tracks, “I want us all to be happy again.”
“I didn’t choose this shit okay, Hunter!” I almost forget I’m holding the plates and forks, but grip them firmer before they can fall. “I–” I close my eyes, letting my head hang. “I didn't want to shut down again, ever. But that moment broke me more than I would ever like to admit.” Hunter’s hands are holding my face in seconds, his eyes misty as he stares into mine.
I didn’t want this look from people, thispoor little Marcus Flores,the broken little boy who can never heal,look on his face. I hated seeing the fucking pity. It took a lot of reprogrammingmy own brain to feel normal again because of my past. Kameron was my rock and when Hunter finally showed us the real him, he helped a different part of me mend back together.
I was selfish, greedy even, thinking I could have more. That I deserved more than what I was already lucky to have from them. I learned real quick it was a fucking mistake. She fucked with a part of my brain that I haven’t been able to fix.
So, I stay away and I keep them at arm's length. I do it for me, but I also do it for them.
They shouldn’t have to love someone that’s this broken.
They deserve someone that is whole.
But then Elliott came around with her own fucked up shattered world, and I’m watching them fall to their knees, willing to take every shard of glass in the process if it meant helping her heal.
I am jealous.
I am envious.
I am pissed.
All because I know they would gladly do the same for me but I won’t let them, but she was so okay with them loving her sharpened edges.
She wasn’t even trying to hide her secrets anymore.
“You don’t have to be alone in this, Flores. Let me be there for you, let me back in.” Hunter’s voice and eyes were pleading, something I hadn’t seen from him in a long time.
Fuck I want to cave, to give myself to him completely, but I can’t. It feels wrong.
I take a step back from him and place the forks and plates in his hands, “Enjoy the cake.”
“Marcus.” He steps to me but I’m out of the kitchen and down the hallway faster than he can follow.
I close my bedroom door and Garbagè looks at me from her cat tree in the corner of my room.
“Hey, pretty girl.” She chirps at me with slow blinks.
‘He doesn’t want you like he wants me, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you. He looks at Hunter as more of a lover than you. Why do you think he started talking to him in high school anyways?’ Bianca tells me as she breaks my heart further. ‘I don’t get why you would get in the way of his happiness. You’re willing to do that to him? Are you that selfish? All because I don’t want you anymore? You should know someone with scars like yours can’t love someone the way they need to be loved. Your past won’t let you. You just aren’t…capable.’
I can’t look at her. Her words hit deep in my soul. All the words I’d told myself through the years were being said to me by her, of all people.
“Admit it, Marcus.”
I take a shaky breath, “I’m not capable of loving someone the way they need to be loved.” I whisper, picking at my nails. ‘I just want him to be happy, I want all of you to be happy.’
‘Then tell him he can be with me. Don’t be the reason he never finds love.’
I turn on my computer, clicking on my playlist titled,mind numbing tunes,and deep dive once again into the cyber world, not letting the memories crush me under their weight.
