Page 75 of The Unraveling of Julia

“I so don’t care. Back to Gianluca. Are you sleeping with him? Oh my God, you’re sleeping with him, aren’t you? I can tell.”

Julia groaned. “I’m notsleeping withhim.”

“But you slept with him, didn’t you? The right answer is, ‘Hell, yes!’”

Busted.Julia couldn’t bring herself to say it. She set the pan on the counter.

“Oh my friggin’ God! That’s a yes!” Courtney cheered. “Tell me everything!”

“I don’t have time. I have to get ready.”

“Gimme the executive summary.”

“Okay.” Julia told Courtney about Gianluca, but it wasn’t as much fun as it used to be. Widows weren’t entitled to joy, and romance didn’t come in black.

“It really is okay to see him,” Courtney said, reading Julia’s mind.

“I still wear my wedding ring. That’s just weird.”

“No, it’s a transition.”

“I don’t want atransition.” Julia felt a pang. “I love Mike.”

“But Gianluca sounds like a sweet guy.”

“He can’t replace Mike.”

“He’s not a Mike replacement. You’re not going to marry him.”

Julia couldn’t let it go. “He was hurt before, and I don’t want to hurt him.”

“So, don’t hurt him.”

“I will, if I can’t return his feelings.” Julia knew it was true as soon as she said it aloud.

“That’s his lookout, not yours.”

“That’s not nice.”

“Yes, it is,” Courtney shot back. “He’s a grown man. He has agency. Enjoy him!”

How?Julia didn’t think she could enjoy Gianluca and be loyal to Mike. She felt stuck between them, neither here nor there, trapped in the interstices of her own life.

“Jules, Mike would want you to move on.” Courtney’s tone softened. “He would want you to be happy. Gianluca sounds good for you.”

“What if I’m not good for him?”

“Why don’t you want to be happy?”

“What?” Julia asked, stung.

“So many amazing things are happening for you, but you turn each one negative. You inherit millions of dollars, but that doesn’t make you happy. You get a villa in Tuscany, but you see ghosts. You meet a great guy, but you won’t be happy. It’s like yourefuseto be happy.”

“That’s not true.” Julia could hear a new weariness in Courtney’s tone. “If I could move on, I would, but it’s not that easy—”

“Of course it is, you slept with him!” Courtney shot back, and Juliafelt her throat tighten. A wave of shame swept over her, and she felt terrible, not because Courtney said it, but because it was true.

“I have… to go,” Julia stammered, hanging up.

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