Page 108 of Sweet Thing

I resisted going to where my sorry heart was leaning. Surely, we were just talking about the nanny gig. My pulse was hammering a million miles an hour.

“I didn’t think you’d want to make such a drastic change. Mabel needs stability.”

“Then the sooner she starts with an official nanny, the better. And the sooner you can get on with your life.”

Enough of this dancing around the issue. “Lars, are you endingus?”

“We knew it had an expiration date.”

As far as I was concerned, that had never been discussed. I had suspected we were on borrowed time yet a part of me hoped we’d figure something out. Suddenly, I saw what I wanted so badly slipping away—and I was no where near ready.

“Is this because of Mabel getting sick while in my care? I know I don’t have the same experience as an officially-certified nanny, but my mom was there and?—”

He cut me off. “That’s not it. You’ve been amazing with Mabel, an absolute godsend. But it’s time to part ways. It’s best for everyone.”

“Is it?”

“Adeline, don’t you see how much I’m hurting you?”

Right now? Yes, you dick.I shook my head, feeling like it might roll off my body at any moment.

He went on. “You’re too caught up in this, your first grand affair. You don’t see the damage this thing we got going on is doing to your relationship with your dad. Your family. You’re lying to them. I’m lying to them. I’m dragging you down because I wanted you. I wanted your sweetness and goodness and everything in between. I used you to make myself feel better.”

My debate skills were no match for this multi-pronged attack. “I wanted to be here. Iwantto be here.”

“In the gutter with me?”

I had no idea why he was doing this. “Lars, what’s going on?”

“I’m not the good guy here, Adeline.” He allowed Mabel to curl her cute hand around his little finger. Sure, real villain stuff.

“You are to me.”

“You sure about that? The guy who knocked up a married woman in a bar bathroom, who barely resisted when faced with the temptation of his friend’s daughter, who continues to lie to that friend every day. Such strength of character.” His tone was more than disgust. It was self-loathing.

“There’s such a thing as context. None of those things exist in a vacuum.”

That didn’t impress him much. “Is that what you told your mom?”

“My mom?”

He rubbed his beard. “She stopped by this morning to see Mabel. She mentioned that she’d seen us together last night. You and me.”

“Lars …”

“Don’t worry. I told her it was just a one-off. And I’d appreciate it if she kept it from your dad.”

“You told her it was a one-off?” My voice sounded like I was trying to talk through razor blades.

“Better that than mentioning the gritty details.”

I had told my mom it was a fling, and she must have shared that with Lars. In my own fucked up way, I had told him that our future wasn’t important enough to override the fear. Was this why he sounded so blasé about us? Had I hurt his feelings? Or was he truly relieved that I’d given him an out, a means for him to bury his guilt and maintain a relationship with my father?

“What I said to my mom—it was a moment of panic. That’s not how I feel. I don’t think of this as a short-term thing. I just wanted more time to think through a solution, one that would work for everyone.”

I was the people pleaser, the peacemaker. Surely he could see that changing that pattern couldn’t happen overnight.

With each word out of my mouth, his eyes appeared to harden until they achieved peak ice. Pure, dark discs of indifference. But I could warm them up again with three little words.

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