Page 48 of Forever Summer

Twenty-One

It took a moment for my words to register with Tess, to the point that I thought she might not have heard me, but her brows rose and her mouth gaped at the sudden realisation as my words slowly sunk in.

“Oh my God, Ellie?”

“Oh, I know.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands, instantly regretting having told her. My eyes watered with the very frustration, running my fingers through my hair. “I feel so stupid.”

“You feel stupid? I feel stupid.” Tess looked like she was in an intense state of shock. “H-how long?”

It was a simple enough question, one that required a simple enough answer, but in all honesty, aside from the very key moments on our road trip to Point Shank, I feel I loved Adam a long time before then, I just misread the signs or more likely didn’t want to know about it.

I cringed when the answer came to me, because voicing it sounded so cliché. “I don’t think there has been a time where I haven’t loved him.”

Tess’s expression looked grim, definitely not the kind of reaction someone would have just finding out that one of her best friends was in love with her other best friend. This should have been perfect, but just by looking into her eyes I could tell she didn’t think so and I felt sick. It wasn’t jealousy; Tess was the most balanced, loved-up, non-jealous person I knew. No, it was something more, something unsaid, and it instantly made me feel ill.

“You know something,” I said.

Tess broke eye contact, looking out over the garden.

“Tess … you have to tell me,” I urged, my voice panicked.

“It’s not for me to say,” she said lowly.

I couldn’t believe this; I had just opened up to her about the singular biggest secret of my life and she was being cryptic over something to do with Adam. I could feel a rage brewing inside me.

“Are you serious? You’re going to keep it from me?”

Tess laughed. “Oh my God, you are not going to play that card, are you? The old friends-tell-each-other-everything spiel, because clearly they don’t.”

“Look, I didn’t tell you because I was unsure, confused about whether what I was feeling was real.”

“Does anyone else know?”

Oh shit. Tammy.

My look must have said enough because Tess shook her head.

“Unbelievable.” She grabbed her empty coffee, and muffin bag, moving to stand to leave.

“Tess, wait.” I stood on the back step ready to go after her but she didn’t get far before spinning around to look up at me on the step. I had never seen her this mad before.

“No, you wait. You know why I can’t tell you, why the entire population of Onslow knows except you? Because Adam made us promise him that we wouldn’t, because he knew you were going away and he didn’t want you to be distracted and feel like you needed to come back to Onslow. That’s why friends keep secrets. That’s what has me always defending Adam. Telling you not to give him the silent treatment and play mind games, not with him. You might say you love him, but you have a funny way of showing it.”

“Tess, I’m sorry, how was I to know that—”

“Yeah, it’s not nice being the last to know, is it?”

My mouth gaped. I had nothing.

Tess wasn’t angry anymore; she seemed numb, and that terrified me more than her rage.

My phone sounded again. I was too afraid to look, too ashamed to.

“You might want to answer that,” she said, before turning and walking out of the yard and out of sight.

I was consumed by a nervous energy pacing back and forth in my parents’ lounge, waiting for Adam to arrive. I wrung my hands together, thinking of every single message I had ignored, every silent treatment, every eye-roll I had ever given him. I didn’t know what was worse: not knowing what he was keeping from me, or the clear realisation that I was a horrible person.

Oh God.

---