Page 81 of Crown of Ashes and Desire

The ritual, as my father had originally described it, would create a conduit to harvest her light and strengthen my claim to the shadow throne. But now I knew the truth—it would kill her, draining every drop of divine light from her being. My father’s plans suddenly seemed even more sinister in light of this knowledge. He had only recently discovered Ada was Gün Ata’s daughter, but now I wondered: if he knew how vulnerable she was because of our prior separation, would that make her an even more appealing target for the ritual? Did the Crown of Ashes require not just light magic, but broken light magic to achieve its full potential?

I intercepted Ada when she returned to her chambers that evening, stepping from the shadows to block her path. Shestarted, one hand flying to her throat, the other instinctively gathering light magic in her palm.

“Hakan,” she said, light fading. She recognized me. “You need to stop doing that.”

"Doing what?" I asked, aware that I was crowding her space deliberately, drawn to her warmth despite myself. She was so beautiful, and when I was near her, the pain eased slightly.

"Appearing out of nowhere. Lurking in the shadows." Her voice was steady, but her pulse betrayed her, fluttering visibly at the base of her throat with rapid, frantic beats. "It's unsettling."

“I like keeping an eye on you,” I reminded her. I allowed a hint of amusement to color my tone. “Lurking is somewhat in the job description.”

She didn’t smile. “What do you want?”

So direct. So fearless, despite everything. I studied her face, searching for traces of the breakdown Sarp had revealed. I wanted her to tell me, so I could fucking tell her how I truly felt. How had I not seen it before? The shadows beneath her eyes spoke of old sorrows. The wariness in her gaze went beyond mere distrust.

“Let’s go to bed, you seem exhausted,” I said.

She looked surprised. “I think you should let me go back to my chambers.”

“And I thought we were making progress,” I interrupted, though the memory of her beneath me sent heat coursing through my veins. “I want you in my bed, for safety. Protection.”

She laughed, the sound sharp and hollow. “From what? You’re the only thing in this realm I need protection from.”

The words stung more than they should have. “There are nine days until the ritual,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “My father’s allies are growing restless. Some factions would prefer to take matters into their own hands rather than wait.”

“And sleeping in your bed protects me, how, exactly?” she challenged.

“I sleep better when you’re there,” I admitted, the truth emerging before I could stop it. “I’m more aware of threats. More…connected to you through the binding.”

Something flickered in her eyes—surprise, perhaps, at my candor. “Why should I care if you sleep well?”

“Because when I don’t, I’m less able to protect you.” I moved closer, unable to resist brushing a strand of hair from her face. “And despite what you believe, Ada, I do want to protect you.”

She flinched slightly at my touch but didn’t pull away. “Why?”

I was silent for a moment, wrestling with how much to reveal. “Because despite everything, I’ve never stopped—” I caught myself. I was unwilling to say the word that hovered on my tongue. “Caring. About what happens to you.”

“Caring,” she repeated, words flat with disbelief. “You left me. You broke me. And now you care?”

Her words settled between us as a challenge, laden with the unspoken truth about how completely she had shattered after I’d left. The pain in my chest flared sharply, responding to her distress.

“I never stopped.” I held her gaze. “Everything I did, even making you leave, was to protect you from what I was becoming. From what my father wanted to make of me.”

“And now?” she asked, voice barely above a whisper. “What does your father want to make of you now?”

“A killer,” I answered with honesty. “Your killer, specifically.”

She took a sharp inhale. “At least you’re honest about it.”

“I’m trying to find another way.” I moved closer still, until I could feel the warmth radiating from her skin. I wanted to touch her, bring her closer and fucking kiss her, but it was all too soon.She didn’t trust me at all, and she was hiding things from me. “But until I do, I need you safe. I need you close.”

“So you can watch me?” she challenged.

“So I can watch over you,” I corrected. “There’s a difference.”

She searched my face, searching for deception and finding only raw truth. Finally, she nodded, a single sharp movement. “Fine. But don’t mistake this for trust, Hakan. Or forgiveness.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” I replied, relief washing through me despite her warning. “I just want you close.”

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