Page 85 of Crown of Ashes and Desire

He studied me, something shifting in his gaze. “There’s more to it than that,” he observed. “I’ve seen how you are with the orphans in the courtyard. This isn’t just an abstract principle for you.”

I glanced away, afraid he might read the truth in my eyes. “Perhaps I simply have a heart, unlike some.”

His fingers touched my chin gently, turning my face back to his. “Perhaps,” he conceded, “I have more heart than you believe.”

The moment stretched between us, taut with unspoken truths. I could tell him now, I realized. Tell him about Kiraz. About the daughter he’d never known. The words rose to my lips, hovered there.

But fear held them back. Fear that he wouldn’t care. Fear that he would. Fear of what it might mean for Kiraz if the shadow lord knew of her existence.

Instead, I asked the question that had been building since I’d witnessed the interrupted ritual. “How deep does the corruption go in your court? How many still follow your father’s ways in secret?”

His hand dropped from my face, his expression closing. “Too many,” he admitted. “I’ve been fighting it since I took power, but five years isn’t enough to cleanse centuries of darkness.”

“And the ritual,” I pressed. “The one scheduled for the solstice. Is it like what I saw tonight? Blood magic and pain?”

He stood abruptly, moving to the window.

“Go to sleep, Ada. You’re exhausted.”

“Answer me,” I demanded. I forced myself to sit up despite the way the room spun around me. “I deserve to know what you plan to do to me. Are they connected—their ritual and yours?”

His shoulders tensed, shadows curling around him like smoke.

“I told you,” he said without turning. “I’m searching for an alternative.”

“And if you don’t find one?” I challenged. “Will you sacrifice me like that child was meant to be sacrificed? For the ‘strength of the Shadow Realm’?”

He turned then, his face a mask of controlled emotion. “Never,” he said, with such conviction that it sent a shiver through me. “I would die first.”

The words hung between us, unexpected and profound. I stared at him, trying to reconcile this man with the one who had abandoned me five years ago. Who was he really? The cold, ambitious prince who had chosen power over love? Or this complex, contradictory ruler fighting against the darkness of his own realm?

“Why?” I whispered. “Why would you die for me when you left me without a second thought five years ago?”

A bitter smile touched his lips. “Who says I left without a second thought?” he countered. “Who says I haven’t thought of you every day since?”

Before I could respond, he moved to the door. “Rest,” he said, his voice once again the restrained tone of the shadow lord. “You’re safe here. I’ll post guards to ensure no one disturbs you.”

“Hakan,” I called when he reached the threshold.

He paused but didn’t turn.

“Thank you for stopping them,” I said. “Though I know this changes nothing about what you plan to do to me.”

His shoulders stiffened momentarily.

“I wasn’t there to save you, Ada,” he said quietly, though his voice carried an odd strain. “I was there to stop Azad’s unauthorized interference.” He paused, something flickering in his expression. “Though I suppose the result was the same.”

I frowned, confused, until understanding dawned. He’d seen what my light magic had done to the cultists before he’d arrived—how I’d fought with a ferocity that surprised even me.

The binding must have shown him my rage, my determination to protect the child at any cost. He’d sensed that I would have destroyed them all if necessary. The realization was unsettling.

Had he really felt that through our bond?

How much of me could he sense?

With that puzzling declaration, he was gone, leaving me alone with my exhaustion and my confusion.

Hakan

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