Page 85 of Meet Me in Montreal

“Santino can’t put his hands on a woman, but I can. Out. Right now.”

Zoe jerked her arm from Vanessa’s hold right before they reached the door. Straightening herself, she made a show of walking out on her own. Santino was sure she’d turn around and have a final, dramatic say, but there was nothing. The door swung closed behind her and that was that. It was almost anticlimactic.

Vanessa went to the bedroom and moments later the sound of running water slowed, then stopped. She reappeared in thedoorway, her eyes on her brother who went to sit down heavily on the couch.

“You alright, Bobby?” Santino asked.

Finally, Bobby cleared his throat. “I am having a crisis. Last week, I almost lost one of my patients on the table.”

Santino stilled. When his eyes darted to Vanessa, he saw she’d done the same. Unmoving, they stayed rooted to their spots while a tear spilled down Bobby’s otherwise expressionless face.

“I’d been scheduling back-to-back surgeries. Everly had been sick with a high fever, and we were up with her all night. I knew I had another surgery scheduled for the morning, but it was too late to postpone it, so I knocked back maybe three energy drinks. I know too many of those things are bad for you, but I figured I needed it to get through. It all caught up to me during the procedure. Suddenly I couldn’t function. My heart was racing, I couldn’t breathe. My hands were shaking and then the patient went into distress. The assistant surgeon had to take over. Fortunately, they stabilized the baby, and she made it.”

“But she’s fine now, right? She’s okay because you helped her,” Vanessa said softly, her face marked with sympathy.

“Yes, she’s okay. But I’d been afraid of something like that happening for a while. Ever since…”

They gave him a moment to sit with whatever was locked inside him, fighting its way to come out. “I’d always had an awareness that the work I was doing was extremely important to the families of my patients. Obviously. But there’d always been a little bit of a distance. We were trained to keep that distance, to not take all of it personally and internalize outcomes when they weren’t good. I managed that pretty well up until Everly was born.

“I had no idea how much I could love someone until I saw that little face. The thought of her being sick or having issues like my patients started feeling overwhelming and so did myresponsibility to them, to their parents. I started getting anxious before every surgery. I’ve been trying to manage my stress, but losing it during a procedure was my worst fear coming true.” Bobby wiped his face with the heel of his hand and gave Vanessa a cynical grin.

“And just two days before, I received word they were giving me an award. Me. Bobby Watson from the BX, getting an award for his advancements in neonatal cardiothoracic surgery. The shining star. The man who makes his mother so proud. I’m a fucking fraud.”

“Stop, man. You deserve that award,” Santino said. “You’ve got a high-stress job. You can’t expect to do everything perfect every single time.”

“No, Santino,” Bobby answered forcefully. “The parents of those babies don’t want to hear anything about my goddamn stress when they’re out in the waiting room literally praying that I get it right. If I fail, I destroy a family.”

Quietly, Santino told him, “I’ve lost people. Even when I tried like hell to save them. When you can’t, it hits you right here and you don’t really get over it.” He tapped the center of his chest while Vanessa turned that sympathetic look on him. “But you keep showing up because of the next person that needs you. And that next time, maybe you do save them. But right now, after all this, maybe you need a real break.”

Bobby’s shoulders shook with a sarcastic laugh. “That’s what this trip was supposed to be.”

“No. You made this trip about Ling. That was jumping from one stress to another one,” Santino countered.

Bobby blew out a long breath, but he nodded. “You’re right. My reasons for coming here weren’t honest. I wasn’t honest with my sister, my wife. Or myself. I thought Ling could somehow save me from my bullshit, despite what she told me. I shouldn’t have put my escape fantasy on her.”

“We saw her today.” Vanessa spoke up finally.

Santino was somehow not surprised to hear that. “So that’s where you guys were. I saw Virgil downstairs. He told me he broke it off.”

Vanessa nodded. “Yeah, she wasn’t doing so great. But I think she’ll be okay.”

“What about you, Bobby? What’re you gonna do now?” Santino folded his arms while Bobby rubbed his head.

“Go home to my baby. I don’t really have an answer about anything else right now.”

“That’s fair.” After a pause, Santino asked, “Are you coming back down with us tonight or going back tomorrow with…?” He didn’t even want to say Zoe’s name, as if doing so would conjure her like in one of Vanessa’s movies.

“I’m taking her home. No matter how fucking crazy things got up here, I can’t leave her on her own. But I think…I think I want to eat first.”

“Marone,”Santino groaned, then grinned. “Finally, something fucking easy.”

30

BLACK VOID

SANTINO

After Bobby departed, Vanessa was quiet for the remainder of the afternoon. Santino had booked them an early evening flight back to New York, and they had to pack, so he didn’t press her for the conversation he knew they needed to have. Not just about Zoe and what had happened, but about their future. She still hadn’t given him a definite “yes.” Up until last night, he hadn’t thought he needed one.

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