Page 60 of How to Date a Prince

Flustered, I glance away. “Because I didn’t. I had to make a choice after my gap year. My father told me it was either uni or royal duties.”

Thomas’s expression darkens. “Hang on. Neither of those options involves horses.”

I hold his gaze for a long moment. Finally, I clear my throat, my voice soft. “Some of us don’t get to have the same chance at choices, I’m afraid.”

“Fucking hell.” Thomas scowls. “Like, it’s not exactly easy—or shameful—to qualify for the Olympics. I can only imagine how much that effort meant to you too.”

I don’t say anything and let my expression drift to royal default neutral as I think of it. “My duty is to our subjects, not my personal ambitions. I can’t separate myself from what I represent, Thomas. I will be King one day. It’s a big responsibility, a duty that I bear. And yes, was born into, for better or worse, problematic history and all. One day, I hope to address some of that history and the problems of colonialism and start making amends. This life wasn’t something I asked for. But I think of all the sacrifices my ancestors made before me. My sacrifice is small, giving up horses.”

“That sounds way more like King James and not you.”

I return to studying my fingers, fidgeting with my ring, like if I spin it enough times around my fingers, it’ll decode the path forward in my life, and Thomas will magically land in it, along with my personal dreams. “In the end, I sold my horse and went to uni. I refused to take political science or economics. I ended up in art history, which my father hated. I possibly should have taken something more useful.”

Thomas’ gaze burns. I feel the tension in him as he struggles to take in what I’ve told him. “We need beauty in the world, Auggie. It gives people hope. Joy. Meaning.”

“I guess,” I say finally, “this is why I can’t sleep at night, in part. To go back to your earlier question.”

“Fucking hell.” He shakes his head again.

Heat rises in my face under his close scrutiny. All of this vulnerability isn’t something I’m used to. “Don’t feel bad for me. I have many privileges few have?—”

“Auggie, that ought to be criminal, losing your dreams like that. And your connection to your mother.”

My lips press flat. I glance at him. “I wanted to bring home gold for her. It wasn’t about me. Not really. It gave me something to focus on. Because when she died, I lost my father too. He shut down. We aren’t close. He doesn’t understand me on a fundamental level.”

Thomas shakes his head. “Fuck.”

“I ride now and again, but not like I did. It’s too hard,” I confess. “Facing what I’ve given up and then keeping who I am hidden away. All of this privilege comes at a price, believe me.”

“It’s too much, Auggie. It’s not reasonable.”

I shake my head too. “It is what it is.”

Thomas rubs his face with his hands. He gives an easy shrug, his shirt pulling across his muscled shoulders. “I guess I’ve taken a lot for granted. I know I’ve been lucky. Supportive family, being out since I was a teenager, following my dreams.”

I smile. “I’m glad. You deserve all that and more.”

Thomas frowns at me. “It’s still not right, what’s happened to you.”

It’s a wound to see him looking like that, so upset on my behalf. I want to smooth the frown away with my fingertips, to tell him it doesn’t matter, to kiss him into distraction where we wake up in different lives. But we both know it does matter. And that these things leave a legacy of their own.

“I don’t know any different. And… I need to focus on the present. Not the past. Which, at the moment, is here with you.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to come across all intense.”

“It’s kind of hot, actually.”

“Hot.” He shakes his head but at last relents into a smile, and I thrill at the sight. “More on that later, please.”

“What about you?” I ask. “What’s your family like?”

“Well, like you, my parents want me to go into the family business. But we’re close, me and my mom and dad. I’m their only child. But I have lots of cousins and friends, growing up. I was always cooking with my mom and my aunts, her sisters. With my dad, I got my love of the outdoors and eventually into mountaineering.”

“That sounds brilliant.”

“It was,” Thomas admits. “I ended up at Harvard Business. I had great friends, like my best friend, Chip, growing up and into adults together. We went on so many adventures, covered for each other, backed each other up. It was a shame he wasn’t into men.” He smiles, but it doesn’t warm his eyes like it did earlier. “I lost him a couple of years ago. We were mountaineering together… and there was an accident. An avalanche. He didn’t make it. I still blame myself, that it was my fault. We were always so careful about safety, did all the right things. Except that day, it wasn’t enough to save him too.”

“I’m so sorry.” I interlace my fingers with his, as it’s his turn to look downcast. His shoulders sag.

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