Page 106 of How to Date a Prince

“Everything’s fine. I heard you were back, and I wanted to catch you before my evening’s engagement.”

“Oh?” I ask warily. We missed each other so far today, after last night’s premiere.

“Yes.” The King enters. “How was the treatment session today?”

“Fine.” I wait patiently for whatever it is that he wants. I know his tells, after all. There’s a worn—yet persistent—air about him.

“I want to talk to you aboutRenaissance Man.” He lifts an eyebrow at me.

“What about it?” I try lightly. I rub the back of my neck.

“I thought that was a lovely tribute to your mother, and I wanted to let you know.”

Whatever I expected, it wasn’t that. I redden. “I tried.”

“It was very moving. And I’m not the only one moved. There has been discussion of your performance.”

I haven’t asked who’s discussing me or if he’s trawling online forums since no good will come of that line of conversation or knowledge. But I chew my bottom lip, considering him with some trepidation.

“And I want to let you know I miss your mother too. We don’t speak of her as often as we should.”

My mouth opens and shuts again. “We don’t speak of her at all, actually.”

He inclines his head in acknowledgment. “I think of her often, but you’re right: we do not discuss her as we should.”

I’m quiet, twisting my signet ring. “Sometimes,” I say quietly, “it feels like she was the only one advocating for me.”

Startled, my father looks hurt. “I advocate for you, son.”

“Not in the same way.”

“I want to protect you. I do what I think is in your best interest?—”

“I believe you believe that, but maybe what you think is in my best interest isn’t actually the right thing for me, Father.”

He blinks. “What do you mean?”

I draw a deep breath, shoving my hands deep into my pockets. At this point, I feel like I don’t have anything left to lose because I’ve lost what’s mattered. And I need to find a way forward. “Like signing me up to the show without my consent, for starters.”

My father has the decency to look a little embarrassed. “Well, I knew you would have never agreed, but look how successful it’s been already?—”

“The point being, here, I wouldn’t have agreed.” I hold his gaze steadily. “Because, again, what I want doesn’t seem to matter in your vision of this family.”

He starts to protest.

I shake my head. “I’m a private person. Everyone says I’m shy. But you know what? I’m not, actually. The truth is, I’m someone living with serious depression. I’m a person with a lingering concussion. I’m also a person who’s lonely, and shut down, because you taught me to be like that.”

“Sorry?”

I shake my head in frustration. “Don’t you see? It all goes back to Mum dying. That’s when everything turned. When you were gone too. And I was starting to come into myself, realizing that I was attracted to men. And when I kissed Gav and you sent me away to boarding school as punishment, I learned then what I wanted didn’t matter. Then, I lost you as well as Mum from my life when I needed you most. And you know what? Sending me away didn’t make me any less gay. No matter what you think. I was simply a lot more secretive about it.”

For once, Father’s silent.

Emboldened, I shake my head slowly. “An all-boys boarding school, believe me, leads to all sorts of homoerotic experiences. Some punishment for being gay. It only confirmed who I was. And that to you, who I was wasn’t at all acceptable. And you continue to deny that I’m gay and want me to marry a woman and carry on the Windsor line?—”

“It’s your duty. And I wasn’t punishing you—it’s our tradition?—”

“As I was saying, it’s not about what I want. And before you go off on duties and responsibilities and our privilege, I understand all of that. I live it every day. But now? I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how long it will take for me to get over my injury, if I can. Or feel well enough again to resume my duties like before. When I try to read for longer than five minutes, words blur, and I tire quickly. Headaches still come and go. And flashbacks from the accident—my therapist tells me it’s trauma, that it’s to be expected.”

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