Page 92 of When London Snow Falls

“No…”

Without a word, he goes to the shelf and gets me a copy of each, withThe Great Gatsbythrown in for good measure. “That should keep you busy till at least Cardiff.”

“Cheers.” I waste no time in paying for my books.

Aubrey slides them over the worn wood table. “You won’t thank me. They’re sad.”

“’Kay. Perfect. Just what I need. Misanthropes unite,” I say solemnly, earning myself a smirk from Aubrey. “Right, see you when I’m back. Not sure when that’ll be.”

“Safe travels,” says Aubrey.

I hesitate. “Uh, do you mind if I ask you something personal?”

He looks intrigued. “Like what?”

“Like…how you made things work with Blake, given that he’s famous and you’re not?” I ask wryly. “Asking for a friend who’s been seeing a musician.”

There’s something about Aubrey that tells me he sees through my thin cover, which admittedly is next to nonexistent.

“By talking about things as we go. That’s it, really. Blake’s a regular person despite the fame.”

I nod. “Good reminder. I’ll let him know.”

“Good luck.” Aubrey smiles.

And I head into the London chill and damp for home to pack for my trip.

I startLittle Womenon the tube to Victoria Station. The hours melt away while I read about Jo, Beth, and Amy. I have to tear myself away by the time I reach Cardiff and come back to some sort of reality. Beth’s illness grips me as I worry about Carys. I’ve texted Emily that I’ll take a taxi from the station when I get to Swansea.

When I arrive at the cottage, Emily is wan when she answers the door, a gray quilt around her shoulders. “Carys is sleeping. Just went down. I’ll sleep, too.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” I assure her. “Go get some rest. I’d hug you, but…”

“Better not. You need to stay upright.”

Em goes to bed and I set to work making a big vat of soup after checking on Carys, who is fever-flushed while she sleeps. Not too high, but still worrying. At least making some soup will keep me busy, keep me from obsessing over how to make Carys and Emily instantly well, or whether Ben’s with Maximus St. Pierre, or what will happen next inLittle Women.

But it doesn’t go like that.

What happens instead for me is that Carys is up and crying in the night with fever. When she stops crying and her fever spikes, I take her in Emily’s car to the hospital. We have a sleepless night, ultimately to be assured she’ll be all right. More baby paracetamol, more fluids, plenty of rest.

Of course I bringLittle Womenalong for the long hours in the waiting room and I finish it. And, to be honest, I end up in tears too, with Carys dozing on my shoulder. For her. For Beth. For Jo and Laurie. And then I’m crying for me and Ben and wondering if he’s with Max right now. More internet searches tell me they’re billed again together tonight in Manchester.

Is Ben somewhere crying over me too? Or has he forgotten, Maximus St. Pierre’s legendary charm winning him over like old times? Like the photos that an internet search for “Maximus St. Pierre Ben Campbell boyfriend” shows in results.

Rubbing my eyes on my sleeve, a nurse checks on me in the waiting room.

“I’m all right, I’m all right,” I gasp. I gesture at the book beside me. “It’s just sad.”

Aubrey was right.

She gives me a sympathetic smile. We fuss over Carys, who sleeps in my arms. Her fever comes down. A little bit longer and we’ll be back to Emily’s once they’re sure she’s had some more fluids.

Which leaves me plenty more time to think about Ben and how much I miss him. Will there be a way to make this right again?

Chapter Forty-Six

Tuesday at Emily’s is a day of plenty of naps in shifts for all of us. Carys is starting to feel better but poor Emily feels worse and has stayed mostly in bed. I spend the day taking care of them.

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