Page 93 of An Unexpected Kind of Love

I open my mouth and redden. God. The thought of Blake is dizzying, something much greater than want. That feeling of something more.

And I need him. As much as any person can need another.

He gives me a smile. “You know it’s all right to pursue what you want?”

I blink again.

“Truly,” says Ryan.

“I suppose…I haven’t thought of things like that before.” And it’s well past time that I did, to be fair. Like I’ve been hiding out in my own head to try to keep from living with my heart. From getting hurt again. I’ve been trying to protect myself from feeling too much, expecting things not to work out. Despite my best efforts, I feel everything for Blake, regardless of things working out. Or not. Apparently, heart wins out.

“Maybe,” he offers, “you should.”

Ryan’s right. Since I feel everything already, I should tell Blake. Maybe he feels the same and maybe he doesn’t. Maybe it’ll be worth him fighting to keep his career alive and maybe it’s not. And what about Blake’s family back home, and coming out to his dad? There’s so much on the line, but I couldn’t imagine trying to keep a huge part of my life secret. What will Blake do? Will he dare? But I’m already in so deep, I need to take the risk of telling him how I feel about him, about how much I want him, about how important he is to me. Because if there’s a chance that he feels the same way, there might be hope for a future together. If I don’t take that chance, there’s no hope.

My stomach does flips in response. Flips of longing and need and desire. Things that I might have written off a month ago.

“Gemma?” I call out.

“Right here.” She emerges from between the oak stacks where she’s been working—the occasional thump of books as testament—but she’s obviously also listening to our conversation. Which would be difficult to avoid overhearing in the front room of the shop. Her hair’s knotted up in a bun and she’s wearing a Kelly-green blouse that flows over her jeans.

Gemma grins at us. “You should totally listen to Ryan.”

Ryan laughs, pleased. “Thanks. I’ve done my part here.”

I look intently at her. “I might need you to mind the shop for a couple of days at least. There’s something important that I need to do.”

“Of course,” Gemma agrees and salutes. “Reporting for duty.”

“Promise me you won’t rearrange any furniture while I’m away or sign any more agreements?”

“Scout’s honor.”

My shoulders relax, tension ebbing. “I’ll hold you to that.” Relieved, I nod. “Brilliant. I’ll need you both to excuse me.” I need to call Lily and come up with a plan.

“Good luck.” Ryan winks, then turns his chair to go. “And thanks for the books.”

“Of course.”

“Let us know how you get on?” he calls over his shoulder.

“I will.”

What I want is so clear: Blake. Because, against all odds, I’ve fallen in love. And God help me, I’m going to America to find Blake and tell him that.

Chapter Twenty-Three

The problem with madcap plans is that…well, they’re madcap. So much for the comfort and routine of the shop, and the fact that it’s ready to open again tomorrow. Instead, I’m upstairs packing a small suitcase for America while Lily sits on my sofa bed, drinking wine like she was born to it.

“You know the road to hell is paved with good intentions,” I inform her, rolling another T-shirt and wedging it into my suitcase. “God, I don’t even know what I’m packing.”

“Let me help, being the jet-setter that I am.”

“How long am I going for?”

“However long it takes to find Blake and deliver your message. Clearly.” She gives me a knowing look, as though that was achingly obvious and I’m regrettably a day late to the party.

“New York is big,” I point out.

---