Page 82 of An Unexpected Kind of Love

I gawp at him, not used to Blake being out of sorts like this. “Tell me so Idoget it,” I urge him.

He throws the newspaper down on the desk, rubbing his eyes furiously with the heels of his hands. “People will read that.”

Heat stings my cheeks. “Yeah, and anybody with half a brain knows theMailis a rag and who knows about the rest of them to be taking tabloid photos and calling themselves journos. Fuck them. It’s not real, is it? You’re real. I’m real.”

Blake stares at me. Almost through me, haunted. “People who matter will read this too. Casting directors for films. And…” His voice breaks. “My family.”

I just stare at him. “Are you…embarrassedby me?” I ask at last, my voice barely audible as the room spins.

“I’m— People don’t know I’m attracted to men.” Blake just stares at me. “Well, I’m attracted to women too, for the record. I guess that makes me bisexual.”

“Or pansexual, if you’re attracted to all genders. Or just plain old queer.” Tears prick my eyes. I grip the edges of the bed to steady me, struggling to make sense of what Blake’s telling me. “So youareembarrassed by me, then. Like, I’m not good enough for you.”

“It’s not that. I just…I just can’t be gay.”

I gawp at him. What sort of internalized homophobia is this? “Blake, you’re not gay. You’ve just said yourself that you’re bi. Which is totally, absolutely fine. I don’t get why you’re losing your shit like this and making this out to be my fault somehow—”

“It’s not your fault!” Blake snaps as he scrubs at his face again.

“Then?” I demand.

“Then…Hollywood’s traditional. People might do what they like, but there’s not much space for people being queer and out if they want major parts. Especially not for men.”

“Toxic masculinity much?” I say through clenched teeth.

He just stares. “But it’s even worse than that.”

“How?”

“My dad will find out I’m…I’m some kind of queer.”

“And?”

“I’m not out to him.”

Quiet and slump-shouldered, I sit on the bed, watching him go to pieces. “Fuck, Blake.”

“He won’t understand,” he says in a brittle voice. “Even if I try to explain. He’s hopeless.”

It’s such a foreign concept to me, being closeted in some way, in whole or in part. My parents were always supportive of my sexuality and never questioned it. I can see now I was lucky.

“Does anyone know in your family?” I try gently, holding my breath. Is this wrong of me to ask? Am I violating his privacy too?

“My sisters.”

“And what do they think?”

“They think it’s fine.”

My expression softens. “Because they love you. And people who love you will find a way through, I’m sure of it.”

He eyes me warily as I get up and approach. Again, he backs away. “Don’t,” he says sharply. “You’ll just make this worse.”

I throw my hands in the air. “So you’re punishing me for this? All I want is you, Blake.”

God, what just came out of my mouth?

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I say immediately, guilt rising. “I’m acting like an arse. I’m just upset. For us. For you especially. I mean, God, your family—”

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