Page 35 of Let Me Say It Again

We both nodded.

Rocking on the balls of my feet, I cleared my throat as Maria stepped away. I had no idea what to say to Karoline. It felt a little like leaving an ogress with a dainty butterfly. I was the ogress, by the way. “She won’t be long,” I said, not entirely sure that was true, but definitely wishful thinking on my part.

She nodded, looking from the dress to my hand. “I see you’re engaged.”

I swallowed. Blasted ring I only wore because I knew Red was paranoid someone would figure us out. Oof. That sounded like I cared about him. I didn’t. Not really. It was just so. . . easy to forget I was wearing it, honestly. Yeah, that was it.

Aware of it now more than ever, I played with it, twisting it around my finger. “Yeah, I am,” I answered nervously.

“I know Bianca will want to design your dress for you.”

“She would?” Bianca designing a wedding dressfor me? It was almost unimaginable. But none of this was real, I reminded myself. So Bianca wouldn’t be designing anything for me.

“Of course. She wouldn’t have it any other way.” Then she nudged the Regina dress toward me. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try this one on just for fun. If you want to.”

Why did I have a feeling that last part was tacked on just as a nicety?

I shook my head, vehemently opposed to wearing a fancy white dress. I wasn’t the girl who got married. I didn’t walk down the aisle. I wasn’t anyone’s forever. I was the for-now girl. The girl you were withfor now. Notforever. I knew that. I’d come to terms with that. “I shouldn’t. Really, it wouldn’t be right.”

“Your mother would love it.”

Guilt.

Great.

I gave her a shaky smile. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

Shaking her head, she responded, “I told you, if she taught me anything it was to never give up.” She tapered her eyes. “Don’t you just want to see? You’d look beautiful in it, I’m sure. Besides, she’s always watching over you and your sisters, I just know she is. Why don’t we give her a show, hmm?”

I didn’t seem to be getting out of this one. Relenting, I nodded, taking the dress she was practically pushing on me, studying it closely. “Fine. I’ll try it on.”

“Dressing room is right there”—she pointed to the back—“and I’ll have my assistant meet you back there with clips to make sure it doesn’t fall off.”

“Fall off? I’m not walking around in it.” What did she think was happening here? I wasn’t one of her models.

“You’ll have to come out here and show it off.”

Of course I would. I could kill Red.

First, I was engaged. Now, I was trying on a wedding dress.

* * *

Someone help me. The squealing commenced as soon as I came into sight. Karoline must have filled Maria in while I had been in the dressing room because she was ready for the show. Excitement quickly morphed into tears with each step I took toward them and the mirrors. Geez, note to self: don’t get pregnant out of fear I’d cry for no good reason. I’d have to check and make sure Red knew how to use a condom before we slept together (ifwe slept together). Oh, who was I kidding, if you wanted something done right, you had to do it yourself, so I’d put it on him myself. Simple as that. Besides, I hadn’t even seen his dick, but I had a sneaky suspicion I was going to appreciate it.

“All right, all right,” I tried silencing them, gesturing for them to simmer down with my hands before tending to my boobs, which were currently squished in this thing, courtesy of the clips. This right here was exactly why I preferred sweats and a boyfriend shirt or sweatshirt. Honestly, nine times out of ten, I preferred to not even wear a bra because had you seen those contraptions? They were like heels—torture for women. Didn’t we go through enough? Hello, we had the ability to squeeze decently sized watermelons out of our vagina. And I gota monthly visit from a poisonous bitch who wanted to see me dead. Most months I swore she’d have shoveled the dirt herself and dug my grave for me, then saw to it I jumped into it. To fill you in, I was talking about my period, the nightmare I suffered from ever since I was thirteen years old.

Karoline gestured wide toward the full-body mirror. “You need to look at yourself. I can see the resemblance.”

Breathing wasn’t coming naturally to me at the moment, but I still managed to say, “Between me and an ogress in a white dress?” Oh, shit, I didn’t know Karoline well enough for that to slip out. Too late now. “It’s just that this—”

“Beautiful,” Maria supplied, coming up behind me, a tissue balled up in her hand as she placed it on my shoulder, gripping me lovingly.

Doubtful. I looked up at my reflection and swallowed past the monstrous lump in my throat. Was the girl in the mirror really me? Was I her? What I saw was nothing short of miraculous. The dress hugged me in all the right places, but that wasn’t even the reason I was flabbergasted, unable to speak.

It was so much more than that.

It was the way it made me feel, the way looking at my reflection made my heart clench in my chest and my pulse quicken. I didn’t feel like myself. Well, no, that was silly. Of course, I felt like myself. See, I couldn’t put it into words. The things I was feeling I would’ve never guessed I’d feel from a dress. A wedding dress, no less.

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