Page 93 of Let Me Say It Again

“So, what are you going to do?” Bianca asked, shifting her legs under her and staring at me.

I shrugged and peered down at the ring on my finger. “I don’t know,” I answered, sadness evident in my voice. “How do I give back the ring? How do I walk away from all of this?”

It was funny, but I never imagined it could be like this. That a man could make me so incredibly happy. That he could take me for exactly who I was and accept me. Red didn’t want to change me. He didn’t see me as a problem, someone who could ruin his perfect little life. He’d never treated me like I didn’t belong. Like I didn’t belong with him.

I swallowed, getting in front of any emotion I felt was about to creep up in my throat, hindering my ability to speak. “I don’t know if there’s such a thing as soulmates. What I do know is that if there is, if it’s all not a load of malarkey—and seeing how happy you all are, I believe it can’t be—then I don’t know how to walk away from someone I think might be mine.”

Perla’s eyes began to tear, and she sniffled.

Maria passed her a tissue, and Perla thanked her.

“You’ve never sounded like this before,” Allie said, wrapping her arms around her knees. “You have it bad.”

Bianca chuckled, shaking her head. “Why don’t you just tell him this?”

Because it wasn’t that easy. And maybe, just maybe, I was afraid of rejection.

Oh, damn it, I had a weakness. I was afraid Red would reject me.

“He’s not Nate,” Maria said, her eyes falling on me. “You know that.”

Of course I knew that, but it was complicated. Maria of all people should have understood where I was coming from.

I moved the food to the table and cracked my neck. “I appreciate you guys. I appreciate this sleepover. And I love that we have this. But I already know what I have to do.” I stood up and stretched my back, reaching for the ceiling. “And I’m going to do it.”

“Aren’t you going to at least see how he feels?” Bianca asked, quirking a brow as she looked up at me.

I shook my head, comfortable—as comfortable as I could have been—with my decision. The longer I sat in my sadness, the longer I was going to be sad. This had to end. I wasn’t this girl. I didn’t mope. I moved the hell on.

Sure, I liked Red, but it would pass, just as everything else did.

“I already moved my stuff out of his place, so he, no doubt, got the message loud and clear. I don’t want him to feel like he has to let me down easy, like I’m some fragile little girl.”

Maria nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

“This is what I want,” I said, trying to convince them as much as myself.

* * *

Reddington

This was not what I fucking wanted.

I sat on the guest bed and stared into the empty walk-in closet I’d left open after searching for evidence that Jade had, in fact, not left.

Update: she did. Which you probably already knew.

Scrubbing a hand over the five o’clock shadow on my face, I sat with my thoughts, trying to figure out what my next move was.

I sure as shit wasn’t going to let Jade walk away from this.

Although, she would never come back willingly. Unless it was to give back the ring. Fucking stubborn pain in my ass, she was.

It was true, I no longer needed a fake fiancée, but that didn’t by any means equate to me not needing Jade in my life. Because I did.

Remember how I prided myself on not being a fool? Well, only a fool would let Jade go. Let her walk away and not put up a fight. Which was precisely why that wasn’t happening in any version of this story.

If I told her that this had become real for me and that I wanted to be with her, she would have run for the hills. She was scared of this, of what we’d created together, I knew she was.

---