Page 95 of This Stays Between Us
I felt my hand rise instinctively to cover my mouth, to hide anything that could ever connect me to Jimmy.
“This whole trip, I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to ask you what really happened that night, but there’s no real way to gently broach the question of whether someone killed their brother. But now I know. I knew it as soon as I mentioned his name. I could tell from your reaction—that deer-in-headlights look. You murdered him. Your own brother.”
My intoxication from earlier dissipated, leaving me stone cold sober.
“You didn’t know him—really know him.” I caught myself. “He wasn’t the person you thought he was. He was a monster, he—”
But Josh held up a hand, clearly unimpressed with my explanation. “No,youare the monster. God, I can’t believe I fucked you. I can’t even tell you how much shit I would get from my high school friends if they knew I hooked up withPhoebe Barton.” He laughed again, a cruel sound, and I felt myself wither. It was just like looking at my brother. The same derision, the same twisted smiles.
“You better not tell anyone about this,” Josh warned. It was thesame thing Jimmy used to say back then. And I had no choice but to nod, to take it.
“Good, because if you do, I’ll tell everyone what you did. That you killed Jimmy. I’ll tell them what you are. Oh, and if it’s not clear enough, this…thing we have going on here. It’s over.”
I stayed frozen to the bed. And just as Josh was about to walk out the door, to leave me to gather up my life after this bomb he’d dropped, he turned back to me, the lights from outside casting a glow across his face that made his features look twisted.
“If either of you deserved to die, it was you.”
***
That parting shot stayed with me. I didn’t sleep that night, and the next morning, we were on the road to Cullamonjoo, where I drank too much. Where I lashed out, dared Tomas to do something so stupid, so reckless. To prove what? That I was a new version of myself. That I wasn’t that poor lonely girl I was in high school?
And look how that turned out.
Since that final night together, Josh has barely looked at me. Until now.
He stands in front of me, his face twisted in disgust. The Outback sprawls behind him, with no one and nothing around us.
“What the hell is this?” he says, shoving a looseleaf sheet of paper with handwriting scribbled on it in my face.
“Looks like a note.”
“Don’t be smart. We both know you aren’t.”
I swallow. I know exactly what it is, of course. The note I slid under the door to his room at the Inn before I left.
I’m pregnant. And I’m keeping it.
I shouldn’t have done it. There was no reason for him to know. But I couldn’t resist one final parting shot.
“Is this true or are you fucking with me?”
I don’t owe him an answer, certainly not one that he can put together himself. So, I sidestep him, choosing instead to continue my walk back to the Inn.
That was the wrong decision. Without warning, his arm grasps my shoulder, twisting me backward so forcefully that a small “oh” escapes my mouth.
“I asked you a fucking question.”
I stare at him, shocked. And then I feel his knuckles connect with my cheek. It’s the first time I’ve ever been punched—let alone by a guy nearly double my size. It’s nothing like the movies, when the victim immediately jumps up and recovers. My vision flickers at the seams as I drop to my knees. My teeth feel loose, and pain radiates through every inch of my body.
I’m too shocked for tears, but I feel blood dripping steadily from my lip as though to make up for it.
I need to get away.The thought cuts through my pain.This man is insane.
I can feel him looming above me before I hear him.
“I can’t believe you would ever think I would have a baby withyouof all people. You piece of trash. Youmurderer.”
There it is again. Not only did this person idolize my brother,but he has become him. The thought sends bile rising in my throat.
