Page 42 of Scoring Position

November 24

For long-suffering Fuel fans, last night’s game was a breath of fresh air, as their benighted team defeated Buffalo in an entertaining 2–0 game that featured surprising MVP, Ryan Wright.

Wright scored off a breakaway during the first period, netting a shorthanded goal that turned out to be the game winner. But he stole the show off the ice as well, beginning with a pregame interview where he hoped for “a goal, a win, and a good show,” and cheekily added he would like the number for teammate Nico Kirschbaum’s tailor.

Naturally, once the game was won, Kirschbaum interrupted Wright’s postgame scrum to hand over the digits.

But perhaps the most charming moment of the evening happened when Wright confessed to accidentally giving Kirschbaum the nickname of Grouch, after Oscar the Grouch—for which he apologized: “I don’t think he’s forgiven me yet.”

But if Kirschbaum is Oscar, what does that make Wright?

Wright refuted the Grouch nickname entirely and offered a new comparison for fans to ponder: “It’s really more of a Bert-and-Ernie situation. Nico is Bert, obviously… it’s the eyebrows.”

Comments:

OMG they are ROOMMATES!

This does bring new meaning to the phrase “scoring position”…

Everyone knows what Bert and Ernie are really all about.

I guess we now know the truth about all that supposed antagonism in the early days….

NICO WISHEDhe could have lived in blissful ignorance of the media furor Ryan had created.

The day after it happened, Ella screencapped the relevant portions of an article and the comment section. A brief stint on Google later and Nico wanted smack his face into the breakfast table. Or maybe just smack Ryan.

Twitter is losing its shit, fyi. They have you and Ryan shacked up. The only thing they can’t agree on is if Ryan was traded because of your true love, or if the bickering in September was proof of your epic sexual tension.

Nico lived with Ryan. He didn’t need proof of their epic sexual tension; he was living it.Times like these, I’m so glad I don’t have Twitter.

She sent him several screencaps in retaliation. She also sent him a gif of Ernie shaking around, clearly excited, and Bert looking long-suffering.

Nico was forced to admit that part of Ryan’s comparison was apt.

But what had Ryan been thinking, comparing them to an ambiguously gay Muppet couple? Was it a thoughtless comment, or an indication that he was looking for something more than a platonic roommate situation? Nico suspected the former, if only because Ryan was pretty straightforward and probably would’ve made a move if that was what he wanted. But Ryan did spend a lot of time touching him.

Ultimately Nico decided not to bring it up.

Unfortunately, he was alone in that.

“If it isn’t Bert and Ernie!” Greenie shouted and waved them into the locker room. “Everyone’s favorite ‘roommates.’” He did air quotes.

Nico beelined for his bench and started to get ready. Maybe if he just ignored—

“For those of you who are not yet fortunate enough to have seen this fine piece of art!” Greenie stood on his bench and began to read from his phone. “Said Wright about his teammate and roommate, ‘It’s really more of a Bert-and-Ernie situation.’ He declined to elaborate. We’ll leave readers to decide what exactly that could mean.”

Greenie waggled his eyebrows.

“What! We live together and he spends a lot of time judging my choices,” Ryan defended.

“Like right now?” Nico shot back.

The situation dissolved into chaos, only tamed by Phil arriving to urge them on the ice.

“You okay?” Misha asked as their teammates stickhandled through the drill.

“Huh?”

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