Page 53 of The Missing Ingredient

“A big Rainbow Voices thank-you to Marcus Vine for being here tonight.”

“Thank you for having me.”

“Marcus’s cookbook,Britain’s Got Taste, is now available from any high street bookstore or online for the princely sum of £9.99. So if you’re anything like me and you’ve left your Christmas-present shopping until the last minute, this would make a wonderful gift for a loved one. If you want to meet him in person, go along to his book signing in Booklands on Kensington High Street on Boxing Day. And if you happen to find yourself in New York in the near future and long for a taste of home, Marcus’s restaurant is now open and getting rave reviews. Details of all his ventures are online at www.marcusvinedining.com. Okay, let’s play another topical tune requested by one of our listeners, and definitely one of my favorites. This is ‘Ice Cream’ by Sarah McLachlan.”

Even after Marcus’s session has ended, he continued to sit quietly, checking messages on his phone while listening to other callers. Only when he saw Tina stand and hold out her hands, imploring him to come out, did he begin to pack his things. Tina had been uncharacteristically moody of late, and the last thing he wanted to do was irritate her any more. One of the reasons he wanted to head back to the restaurant that night was to have a chat about getting her some help, an assistant, because he felt he had been overstretching her.

Marcus stood up then, seeing that Dr. Rix was almost finished.

“—just enough time for one last call. Who’s on the line?”

“Is it okay if I ask a personal question, Dr. Billie Rix?”

In the process of locking up his briefcase, Marcus froze, his throat becoming dry. He would have recognized that voice anywhere. Tom Bradford. Phoning into a chat show. Would wonders never cease?

“Of course. Who’s on the line?”

“It’s—uh—Thomas.”

“Okay, Thomas. Go ahead.”

Marcus had received three calls from Tom since their altercation. But each time, he had let them go to voicemail. On the last, Tom had left a simple “Can you please call me back?” Marcus hadn’t. And fortunately, Marcus had never found himself alone in a room with Tom. Just as well, because he didn’t know if his heart could take another beating. But hearing Tom’s voice now, sounding so alone and vulnerable, Marcus found himself missing him, felt tears welling in his eyes.

“Almost two years ago my wife died in a car accident, leaving me with two young daughters to raise.”

“Oh, my goodness, Thomas. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry to hear.”

“Yes, it was a tough time for the family. To begin with, I fell apart and very nearly lost everything. Except that my wife’s best friend, a gay man and a dear friend to the family, stepped in to save me, to save us, and basically helped me to rebuild our world. And then something strange happened. I started to develop feelings for this man. Nothing prompted this; the man never showed any interest in me in that way. He had honorable intentions throughout, a friend helping a friend. But I managed to win him over. And eventually our relationship went from one of mutual respect to one of mutual attraction. The relationship also became very physical.”

While Tom had been talking, Dr. Billie Rix, noticing Marcus’s emotional reaction, had muted her microphone. “You know this man, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Except that I still thought of myself as straight,” continued Tom.

“He’s talking about you, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“Dr. Rix, do you think it’s possible for a straight man to fall in love with a gay man?” asked Tom.

“This is the someone special you—”

“Yes.”

After beckoning Marcus back to the interviewer seat, Dr. Billie Rix flicked the microphone back on. “I’d like to think so, Thomas. But let’s hear what you think.”

“From what I’ve read, most people think it only happens one way. Gay people falling in love with straight ones.”

“And let me tell you on behalf of countless Rainbow Voices listeners, both male and female, we know that particular combination happens all too often. Usually with disastrous results.”

In that moment, Marcus realized how much he’d missed hearing Tom’s laughter.

“Why do you ask, Thomas?”

“Because earlier in your program, your guest, Marcus Vine, mentioned acceptance. He said it was the first step in coming out, and although I don’t yet entirely identify myself as anything other than straight—I haven’t been that brave—and while I agree with him, I believe there’s something more fundamental. That the whole point of coming out for a lot of people is because eventually they want to be able to have a relationship, maybe even be lucky enough to build a life, with another person. Everyone, gay or straight, wants to love and be loved. It’s a basic human need. But we are never going to respect a potential partner if we’re not brave enough to respect ourselves, to understand that what we’re gaining is so much more than what we lose. And I know this because that’s where I fell short.

“I am not a complicated man. I could easily remain the way I am, unexceptional but conventional, continue to live my life through work and through my daughters as a widower. Because I know now that there will never be another woman to replace my wife. And I also know that many men and women in my shoes manage to continue living on alone and single when their spouse passes on. But for me that would be worse than shutting myself in a closet. Because I’ve been given a rare gift, sent a second soul mate who unconditionally loved me and my family, who has already supported us through the good times and especially the bad. Someone I let down because I wasn’t brave enough to tell him I loved him, and someone I eventually pushed away. So my question is this: Do you think a man who lacked courage and respect, but who has learned his lesson and would never do the same again, who promises to stand proud next to the person—to the man—he loves with all his heart, could be worth a second chance?”

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