Page 51 of So Deranged

“I mean it.It wasn’t your fault.We did the best we could.”

She couldn’t stop herself from snapping, “Yeah?Tell that to Carl Jameson’s family.”

“Faith…”

“We waited for him to kill someone else, Michael.That was literally our plan.Stake out burial sites so the next time he murders someone, we can catch him when he ditches the body.”

“That’s not true,” Michael replied.“We knew he was likely to strike again last night, and we did everything we could to identify him before he did.We weren’t able to identify him, so we did the next best thing.”

“We couldn’t identify him because we were looking at the wrong people,” Faith countered.“We were looking at medical personnel.We never even thought about chaplains.”

“We’re human.We make mistakes.Honestly, we did better than most people would have.Not that it’s a contest, but—”

“Michael…” Faith sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose.“I know you’re trying to help, but I really need you to stop talking right now.”

Michael did so.Turk whined gently and laid his head on the center console, but even he couldn’t fix Faith’s mood.

Faith knew all the words to say.Michael had said most of them.Gordon Clark—a mentor of hers who had been murdered by Franklin West—would have said a few more.Hindsight is twenty-twenty.You can’t blame yourself for the actions of murderers.We save who we can, but we can’t save everyone.More would have died if you hadn’t caught the killer.

All wonderful.All just flippin’ fantastic.Except if you were Carl Jameson’s husband, or Paul Martinez’s wife, or Kevin Barnes’s kids, it didn’t help to know that no one else was hurting.You had lostyourloved one.

And Jameson had to die for Faith to know who his killer was.Intentionally or not, she had used him as bait.Strictly speaking, it wasn’t her fault that he was dead, but knowing that didn’t help.Being in the FBI was a lot like being in Iraq.It might look from the outside that they were winning the war, but just like insurgents with their IEDs, killers kept popping up.Innocent people kept dying.There would always be a Thomas Holbrook out there somewhere.There would always be a Franklin West.There would always be a Messenger.

She looked out of her passenger window so Michael couldn’t see the tears welling in her eyes.She and Turk had caught the bad guy.

But she didn’t feel victorious.Not even close.

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

Special Agent Gloria Chavez lit a cigarette and took a deep drag.She sighed with relief as the nicotine brought an instant rush of euphoria.It probably wasn’t really the nicotine, and it probably wasn’t really euphoria either.No drug worked instantly, and the most nicotine could do was relax you.

Well, as Gloria always said whenever her partner, Special Agent Etienne Desrouleaux, warned her that smoking would kill her almost as fast as it would kill her good looks, whatever.Her good looks hadn’t been enough to catch his eye, and while she no longer pined over him the way she did when she first joined the Philadelphia Field Office, the stress of her job had changed her priorities quite a bit.It wasn’t important to her to be hot anymore.

Besides, she still looked good.On those rare occasions, she wanted some companionship, she had no problem going to the local police bar and finding an off-duty cop who didn't mind that she smoked.

She chuckled and took another drag from the cigarette.Evidently, this is what she was thinking about today.

“That’s gonna kill you someday.”

She met Desrouleaux’s eyes and took another drag.“You don’t want to warn me about my looks first?”

Her partner laughed.“No, Gardner said she would no longer tolerate my misogynistic behavior.”

Gloria raised an eyebrow.“Well, I didn’t complain about you.Did someone else?”

“I think it might be because I called her a shrewish bitch with an asshole too tight to have a stick up it.”

Gloria's next drag was interrupted by laughter, which quickly turned into a coughing fit.She tamped the cigarette in the ashtray next to her and said, "Seriously?"

“God, I wish,” Desroulaux replied.“No, I think she overheard me warn you about your good looks the last time and took it to mean I thought you were only valuable for your pretty face.Itwillkill them, though.Trust me.I’ve seen it happen.”

Gloria shrugged.“Eh, who needs to be pretty?That why you came outside?To warn me to stop smoking?”

“No, I just wanted to get away from the craziness for a little while.With West about to be sentenced and his anonymous girlfriend poisoning Turk and beating Faith up, the office is… well, you know.”

“I think that has more to do with the shrewish bitch tightass,” Gloria said.

“That’s my point.She’s so obsessed with the field office’s image.That’s what I miss most about the Boss.It was all about bringing criminals to justice when he was in charge.He was a tightass too, but he had the right focus.”

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