Page 77 of Hate So Deep

Of course, when I find the little shit is in his room, he’s studying and I pause at the door, eyeing his furrowed brows as he turns the page in his textbook.

I was two years old when he came along but even then, I knew this was more a burden than a gift, of which I’m sure our mother shared the sentiment.

After all, she spent more time crying in her room during her pregnancy than celebrating the new life she was about to bring into the world.

Despite the situation he was thrust into though, he’s always been a good kid, quiet and introspective, soft-spoken and polite.

Perhaps it was the final fuck you to the man who ruined everything or maybe he sensed from the womb the shit storm coming his way.

So yeah, somehow, he remained true, while with every day that passed, I slid further into the abyss.

It’s a small victory but one I claim with pride because our father hated his softness while nurturing my darkness and, in the end, he lost on both fronts.

My brother doesn’t remember our parents together and therefore he couldn’t possibly understand the circumstances that led us here.

I could explain but what’s the point?

He’s created his narrative and it’s not up to me to inform him of who the villain should be. He wouldn’t believe me, anyway.

Take care of your brother, Dirkie, will you?

We couldn’t be more different and yet Cory is one of the few people on this earth that I would lay down my life for. That’s not only a brotherly bond but a promise I made twelve years ago when our mother walked out that door and never came back.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, and I rock back on my heels.

This is where things get tricky. Maybe it’s stupid but my brother has two more years under this roof and if I can make it easier on him, that’s what I will do.

It’s the only promise I’ve ever made and been able to keep. I refuse to break it now.

“Colt and Finn are getting hitched,” I finally say, and Cory closes the book between his hands with an audible snap.

It’s the perfect cover. I had no intention of returning until I learned about my father’s newest fucking scheme.

I’m not sure even Colt’s wedding could have pulled me back here, which is fucked up but true.

Colt would have understood. He’s the one who gave me purpose and maybe it wasn’t in the best way forward, but it pulled me from the pitch-black place I was in, which is why I would do almost anything for the fucker.

While I am glad that I can show my support on one of the most important days of his life, I wish I had told him to fuck off and kept heading in the direction I was going though.

It’s too late now. I’m here until this mess gets resolved.

“Colt’s getting hitched?” Cory says, his mouth curling.

Snorting, I say, “Yep. Fucker’s a goner.”

Sliding off the bed, he crosses his arms while he eyes me silently before finally saying, “Thought you said you were never coming back.”

He’s a smart-ass little fucker, I’ll give him that, but I’ve had years to cultivate my lies while he’s just a second-rate student, piggy backing off my success.

“I wasn’t. Changed my mind,” I mutter, and he looks away, his jaw ticking.

I understand his resentment but there’s fuck all I can do about it. There are sides of my life that no one needs to know, least of all my baby brother, even if he is becoming a man.

“Of course,” he says with a bitter chuckle, and I rock back on my heels.

“What do you want me to say, Cory?” I say, slashing my hand through the air. “I can’t stand it here. I can’t do this anymore.”

There’s nothing left for me here, but it would be cruel to say that out loud. I love my brother and leaving is the only gift I can truly give him.

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