Page 17 of Hate So Deep

Ever since everything went to shit, I’ve avoided the prospect of my dad’s alternate world. I don’t know what I hoped to gain from seeing Colt, but it didn’t change a damn thing.

We’re all still hiding behind the biggest lie of the century and every time I look into my dad’s eyes, I feel the brutal burn of betrayal once again.

Since Colt is closer to Buck’s age, I’ve spent way too much time considering our lives and I can’t help but wonder how manytimes Dad scurried off to them when he should have been home with us.

I mean, did he really miss my eighth-grade graduation because he had an important meeting or because he chose them?

All this circles my brain as I slowly move away from the life I thought was mine, which means, over the past few months, I’ve drifted further and further from my friends.

I don’t want to party with Academy. What the fuck do they know with their shiny fucking smiles and perfect lives?

That’s not me anymore. Besides, how long can this farce go on before the cat is out of the bag and they drop me anyway?

I’m not some pretty princess sitting in a tower and frankly, I don’t want to be the safe good girl, Dirk thinks I am. I don’t want to be me.

So here I am, in the fucking ghetto as my mom would call it, partying with people I don’t know.

I’m swaying to the music with my hands in the air and the world a blur around me when Jacci barks out a laugh and I cringe.

Sucking in a deep breath, I let it go. She’s been on my ass all week and we almost came to blows on Friday.

It’s just my luck that we end up at the same party tonight. I purposely went farther afield to avoid my classmates and yet here she is. Bitch.

Luckily, my old friend, Caro, welcomed me into the fold. We lost touch when we moved to different schools in the sixth grade but when I outreached her, she was all too eager to rekindle our friendship.

The knowledge filled me with shame because I moved on and should have cultivated what we had.

I guess I ate the shit Mom spoon fed me and convinced myself that the people I should surround myself with owned fancy cars and wore designer shoes.

The reality is those people are dicks. My mother is a dick.

They don’t care about my pain.Shedoesn’t care about my pain.

No one fucking does.

Case in point, Tori, my supposed best friend, dropped me after I dragged her along to the party to finally lay eyes on my half-brother, Colt.

To her credit, she didn’t tell anyone about my dad, but the possibility presses at my chest like a lead weight on any given day.

I guess she came to her senses when I exposed my imperfect world. After all, those things are meant to stay behind closed doors.

Beyond that, after meeting Dirk and his subsequent brush off, I wish I could go back and redo how things began.

Would it change anything? No, because the dick would’ve said the same thing. To him, I’m a rich bitch and nothing can change that.

Ugh.

“Hey, drink?” Caro asks, holding up her cup and I shove the Dirk shit aside.

Stop thinking about the fucker. He doesn’t deserve your time, Lala.

With a nod, I follow her into the kitchen and join her at the counter.

She pours us both a shot and I down mine with a grimace before accepting the beer she hands me.

“What’s up with you? You’re off tonight,” she says, and I shrug, looking away.

“Do you ever wish you were born someone else?”

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