Page 141 of Hate So Deep

Am I hurt by his actions? I don’t fucking know. At this point, I’m just confused but beyond that is the hope still fluttering like a newly formed butterfly’s wing.

That’s what I choose to focus on.

“Why?” I ask, tapping his chin when he looks away. “What happened and why wouldn’t anyone tell me what the hell was going on after you turned yourself in?”

“Does it matter?” he mutters, and I place my palms against his chest, splaying them wide so I can feel the slow thrum of his heart beneath my fingers.

“I don’t know,” I say. “Does it?”

As usual, I have no idea what he’s thinking but my body doesn’t care and I lean in when he lowers his mouth to mine and says, “I blocked you from knowing shit because I knew it would look bad for you. I had no idea there was video evidence that I dropped you off.”

He shakes his head at that, and I say, “You ran off before we could talk about anything. That’s your fucking problem. Not mine.”

My heart thumps when his lips curl into a smirk and he says, “You’re so fucking hot when you’re sassy.”

“Quit trying to distract me,” I mumble although I can’t help but to smile.

He’s here. He came to me once he was freed. That has to mean something. Right?

However, he’s still being way too damn mysterious. Where was he for a month?

“Where have you been?” I ask and this is when he averts his gaze, his jaw ticking.

“I can’t tell,” he says and my stomach clenches.

“Why?” I whisper.

Haven’t we already faced the worst possible things that could happen between us? I mean, I’m forgiving him for beating up my brother who died after succumbing to his injuries, for fucks sake.

Unless this isn’t about me at all. Oh shit.

What if it’s about…

“Stacey?”

“Huh?” Dirk says his brows furrowing.

He seems confused but once again, I don’t know what’s going through that gorgeous head of blonde hair. He’s always been able to hold back from me and that’s a fucking problem.

Turning away, I stare at the door while I process my thoughts. I love him. I do but can I settle for anything less in return?

Maybe that makes me the ultimate hypocrite because I hate Stacey for choosing her life over him and now, I’m considering the same but it’s not about who he is but what he will do with the gift of my heart.

“Lauren?” he says before wrapping his arms around me from behind.

“Yeah?” I whisper, my chest clenching when he drops his chin to my shoulder.

“What’s going through that pretty head of yours?”

Choking back a hysterical laugh, I wave my hand through the air and mutter, “Why don’tyoutellme?”

If he can’t admit how he feels, is there a way forward?

“Tell you what?” he says, pulling me around and raising my chin. “Why are we talking about Stacey?”

Once again, I see his confusion but come on, clearly, she’s the reason why he’s been pushing me away for years.

“Dirk,” I say. “Don’t do this.”

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