Page 46 of Doll's Eye

“Just stop it, Alessia,” Tullio hisses, looking like he might combust at any given moment. “The De Lucas have been our enemy for decades, and we should never have tried to ally with them. The marriage is off, and you are to never speak toMassimo again!” His voice bellows out at the end, feeling like he just slapped me.

My temper sizzles just under the surface, but there’s no speaking to him when he’s restive like this. Usually, I would lock horns with him and push back, ready to refute, but it wouldn’t help my cause to fight him now. It’ll only anger him more and also myself. “You’re upset, I get it. We all are. I think what we need is a strong drink and a good night’s rest. We can pick up this conversation in the morning.” I turn on my heels and ignore my brothers, who obviously don’t have my back since they haven’t said a word in my defense.

“Do not leave the estate unless I give you permission,” Tullio calls out, and I stop in my tracks. My fists shake at my sides as I refrain from retaliation.I cannot lose my temper on my brother right now.

Swallowing my pride, I continue making my exit and flee to my room. I’m jittery and anxious and so fucking high-strung by the time I lock myself inside. I’m pacing the room like a caged tiger, ready to rip apart anyone who dares enter it. Tullio may be the man of the house now, but he will not speak to me like a child and think he can ground me like one.

I stomp over to the mini bar and pour myself something substantial. The only thing to help allay the grief and rage trying to rip me in half. I keep going to my phone, anxious to call Massimo, but I have a feeling it might only make matters worse at this moment.

The vulnerability I’m currently plagued with will have me believing only what I want to. I need to speak to Massimo with a less grief-stricken state of mind.

After three glasses of whiskey, I’m finally able to put myself to bed and pass out next to Gemma.

One fire at a time.

The house is dead quiet when I get up and head into the kitchen to make everyone breakfast. Mamma would be the one to do that, but she’s not here right now. Gemma and I are the women of this house until she returns home.

I have breakfast already cooking when Gemma comes down and joins me. Preserving a stoic silence, she jumps right in, and we work side by side. Her eyes are pink and puffy, and she looks drained. I wish I knew what to say or do to help her through this. Help ease some of the pain for her. She’s too fragile for any of this.

“Hey, have you seen my phone?” I ask her after a while.

“No, sorry,” she mutters.

“Huh.” I could have sworn I put it on charge on the nightstand before falling asleep, but it wasn’t there when I woke up. I had told Massimo I would call him in the morning. I guess I’ll look for it after breakfast.

One by one, our brothers begin trickling in. Salvatore comes and hugs me around my hips with his little arms. “I’m sorry aboutNonnoandNonna,”GrandfatherandGrandmother, he sniffles.

I smile down at him and ruffle his hair like I always do. “Thanks, Sal.”

“I’m going to missNonnoso much.” He sniffles more, trying to hide his tears.

Crouching down, I cup his sweet face in my hands. “Me too, tough guy. But we’ll never forget him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I won’t let us.”

Everyone sits down at the table, and the energy is lifeless and somnolent as we pass around the plates of food. The guys all dig in as I pick at my food with Alba in my lap. I bury my face into her soft curls and inhale. Her scent is soothing, and I feel at peace for just a moment, feeding off her innocence and oblivion.

I’m still sitting there with my food hardly touched as everyone around me finishes up and they’re clearing the table. Time vanished imperceptibly as if I were at a standstill. That’s the thing about loss. The ceaseless motion of the earth continues, indifferent to your paralysis. Life goes on with or without you.

People out there are happy, living without a care in the world when a huge part of me just died. Not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, where my heart will ever be whole again. I envy them, those who have yet to feel the great pain of such tragedy. To be spared the abrupt departure of someone so vital to your existence. To be denied the solace of a goodbye.

I’ll never get one more hug. One more smile. One more chance to tell him how much I love him…

“I need to speak to you inBabbo’soffice,” Tullio says in a low voice, breaking my trance, and walks away before I can respond.

Sighing, I hand Alba to Gemma and head to the office. It’s just him in there waiting for me, so I close the door to give us privacy. There are dark circles under his eyes, and he hasn’t shaved yet, and I’m pretty sure he’s still in the same clothes as yesterday.

“You didn’t get any sleep,” I comment.

“Sit down, Alessia.” He motions to one of the chairs in front of the desk. Trying to make this as civil as possible, I sit without a fuss. “The guy is one of De Luca’s crew. Questioned him myself last night.”

My stomach turns. “And what did he say? He said they ordered the hit?”

“Yes.”

“But who? Did he say it was Angelo or the De Luca’s?”

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