Page 98 of His to Bedevil

I open my eyes only for a second, then I devour her mouth again. I kiss her so deep and lean forward, taking her by the hips and making her fuck me. The sounds are like music. Our skin slapping together, our pants, the breeze, the sound of the water, our hearts pounding. These sounds will help lull me to sleep every night while I dream about my Irma. Every night alone in my bed. I vow to never take another wife again. To never love anyone but her ever again. If I can’t have her, then I don’t want anyone.

I feel my balls tightening up, and Irma clenches around me, suffocating me. This is all ending too soon. She moans loudly into my mouth and shatters against me while I pump my seed into her. Wishing she didn’t have that IUD inside of her, stopping me from having one last thing from her. That way I could keep her. But what would it be like to watch her grow our child inside of her, to give birth to our child, to breastfeed our child, to raise our child, and then one day lose her? I didn’t think losing her could be any more painful, but I was wrong.Sofucking wrong. If I’m to let her go, it has to be now.

“I love you, my husband,” she whispers into my mouth, and I want to say the words back, but it wouldn’t be right to do that to her. To finally verbally confess my undying love for her, only to push her away and break her heart.

So, I say the only words I can right now. “Mi amor, vida mia.”

Irma

Ineeded last night more than anything. I needed to feel that intimacy between us again. It told me everything I needed to know. He still cares for me. He still wants me. And maybe he does love me. Benita was right. He’s still dealing with the fact that he almost lost me and beating himself up about it.

After I wake up, I shower and get dressed for the day. I’m feeling happy and hopeful. Alejo and I are going to be okay. He just needed time.

I walk right into Alejo’s office and find him alone. He’s sitting behind his desk rubbing his temples as usual. I cluck my tongue and shake my head as I go to him. He drops his hands and looks up at me, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t disappointing to see him look at me as if my presence is a disturbance instead of smiling at me like I expected. Like he always used to do. Ignoring the pain it causes me, I saunter over to him. “You and these headaches,” I murmur, and place my fingers on his temples.

Before I can even start to massage them, he snatches my wrists and moves them away. My lips part, and I stare at him as if I don’t even know him, because I don’t right now.Who is this man, and where did my husband go?

My chin begins to tremble as he just stares up at me wearing that stony expression he used to wear in the beginning. He’s not smiling up at me with adoration, and there’s no heat in his eyes. Everything he used to feel for me is… gone.

Yanking my wrists back, I spin on my heels and run out of there. I will not cry in front of him. I won’t. I’ve given him everything else. All of me. My heart, my body, my loyalty. He does not get my tears and humility.

I run as fast I can all the way up to our room and slam the door behind me. When I make it to the middle of the room, I hear the door open and close harshly. I’m standing there, chest heaving, fists clenching, throat burning, eyes stinging, and heart breaking. “I hate that I can’t fucking leave when I’m upset.”

“That’s what I need to talk to you about,” he states flatly. No emotion at all. “What if I gave you the option to leave?”

My heart sinks to my stomach, and I clutch it. “Where?”

“Where what?”

I spin around and meet his eyes. Fuming. “You wouldn’t give me the option of leaving, Alejo. Just like you didn’t give me the option of staying. So, just spit it out. You’re making me leave. You think I’m a fucking idiot?” I seethe. “So, where are you putting me? Obviously not back in Miami because our wedding was such a public event, people would recognize me there. And we can’t havethatnow, can we? And what about that? Let me guess. You’re going to make it so it’s like it never happened. No divorce or anything. Just make it disappear.” He stands there saying nothing. Not moving a muscle, as if he’s a statue. “So, that’s it?” I’m vibrating with rage. “After everything. After keeping me as a prisoner, after making me your wife, AFTER MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!” I scream until my throat burns. “You’re just letting me go. You’re done with me.”

“I’m doing this to protect you,” he says through his teeth.

“You’re doing this because you’re a coward!” I scream.

In an instant, he closes the gap in only two strides and grabs me by the back of my neck and yanks me into him so that his face is in mine. “Damn right I’m a coward. When it comes to losing you, I’m fucking terrified.” My chin trembles again, and my vision gets blurry. His features soften some. “If I lost you, I’d lose all my humanity. I cannot live in a world without you, Irma.”

I shove at him, and he releases me. I want to tell him that by letting me go, he is losing me. That I would rather die by his side than live without him. But I can’t seem to form the words around the lump in my throat. Languidly, I pass him and head for the door. “Irma,” he calls out, and it’s all I need to get my feet really moving.

I take off. I run as fast as I can down the hall, leaping down the stairs, skipping the last five and jumping. I head to the back of the house and burst outside. “Irma!” I hear Alejo shouting after me, but I don’t stop. I run harder and faster. Every step I take, I grow angrier and less sad. It hurts all the same, but it keeps the tears at bay. “Stand down!” he shouts, most likely at his men who don’t know whether or not to intervene.

The water gets closer and closer, and it’s not until I feel the sand between my toes that I come to a stop. I dig my toes into the sand and stare out at the ocean, and I feel as if my mind begins to check out. Trying to numb myself. I hardly notice Alejo appearing a few feet in front of me. I just stare right through him. “I knew once I returned your affection you would get bored,” I say as if I’m talking about the weather. “I was too blindly in love to see that you never actually returned my feelings.” It was all in my fucked-up head. An illusion.I am so stupid.

Alejo moves in close and reaches up to cup my face. I smack his hands away with such force and fierceness that it shocks us both. I can see him growing angry and impatient as he reaches for me again. This time I swing at him, but he must be expecting it because he ducks and tackles me to the sand in an instant. I kick and scream at him and struggle to get away. He puts all of his weight on me, his legs crushing my legs into the sand and his arms pinning mine down at my sides. “Is this what you want?” he seethes. “Is this how you want to say goodbye?”

How fucking dare him!“You got to say goodbye how you wanted to last night,” I spit. “That’s what that was, wasn’t it? One last fuck before you throw me away.” He pauses, and then he starts to lower his head. “Get off of me!” I scream, and thrash again. “You can’t have me anymore! You made your fucking choice! If you want to fuck me again, you’ll have to rape me!” My stare is unwavering to express how fucking serious I am right now. My body no longer belongs to him. I will never ever let him touch me again. Everything he’s ever said to me was a lie. The vows we made were bullshit. He promised I would never have to be alone again. Without Alejo and his family that have become mine, who the fuck do I have?

Alejo freezes above me, breathing hard in and out of his nose. He’s so devastatingly handsome, even when he’s breaking my heart beyond repair. Even when he’s taking everything from me. My family, my heart, my life.

He releases my arms with a jerk and stands up. Without even another look, he walks away. “Keep an eye on her!” he barks at the guards several yards away. I sit up and lean my elbows on my knees and zone out.

I only have a couple of options. I could sit here forever just wishing this were all a nightmare. Or I can get the fuck out of here. Be done with this shit and put this all behind me. I will not mope around here in a state of dysphoria and wait for him to ship me off. I will leave whenIwant to leave, and that’s as soon as possible.

Getting to my feet with newfound fortitude, I stomp the half mile back to the estate. I’m drenched in sweat when I get there, and I make my way up tohisroom. Thankfully, he’s not there, because I’m beyond over our fighting.

I strip my clothes off and toss them in the trash can. I wash up in the shower, and after using everything, I dump them out and leave the empty bottles scattered around the floor. My soap, my shampoo, my conditioner. All down the drain. After wrapping myself in a towel, I head for the sink and brush my teeth then toss out the toothbrush. Next, I open up all the cabinets and toss out all my makeup and hair products, overflowing the small trash can. I take my rings off and head to the toilet. I’m just about to toss them in and flush them, but stop myself. Instead, I place them next to the sink and go and grab a pen and paper, writing him a little love note to go with them.

When I walk out of the bathroom, I eye the bed. Stomping over to the house phone, I call the maids’ line. When someone answers, I ask for someone to come change the sheets then hang up. I’m just doing him a favor and erasing any trace of me here. Eliminating my scent completely.

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