Page 20 of Hello Goodbye Amore

Chase snickered. “Remember our trip to New York when we took you to the drag club?”

“How could I forget it?” He sipped some wine with a huge smile. “I both loved and hated it. I loved the entertainment, though, and had a great time once I let go of my worry.” He set down his glass and picked up his fork. “I was so concerned that you or Elaine would think I was gay, and if you found out, then you might tell someone and it would somehow get back to my family.” Sweat broke out on his forehead. “Hell, I’m still scared. I had a great time once the lights went down and I could just enjoy myself. But….”

Chase leaned forward, lightly touching Antonello’s hand. “No one is going to tell anyone.”

“Are you kidding? Ricky picked up on it. You heard him say something about kissing when we were at the Duomo. I know he’s a kid and people don’t pay attention to them, but… I don’t know what I’m going to do. My family is the very definition of traditional. They could never imagine me coming out. To them it would bring an end to my family and everything generations of Gloriosos have built.”

“It won’t. People are more open now, and regardless of their religion or history, your family will love you.”

Antonello snorted. “You haven’t met my mother. She’s a real ballbuster. My father is a quiet, thinking man who is more practical, but having a gay son is going to stretch him to the very limit.”

“So what do you do? Get married like your mom wants? Hide for the rest of your life? Spend it alone? Who the fuck wants that? You don’t deserve it, and if your parents expect you to live a half life because of something so… inconsequential, then what the hell is wrong with them? Your parents don’t want a son, they want a robot… unthinking, unfeeling, just following the programming of someone else.” He shook his head. “And for the record, I don’t want that for you. I want you to be happy, to be able to be yourself—the smiling, fun guy I knew in college. The one who was whip-smart, intelligent, serious, and yet managed to steal the flag from the rival team at homecoming and flew it outside the stadium bathroom.” He smiled, that memory one of his favorites. He still had no idea how Antonello pulled it off. “That’s the guy I want you to be, and you can’t be him if you spend all your effort keeping a big part of yourself secret and locked up from the rest of the world. And now that I’ve shot off my mouth and told you what I think, I’ll shut up. And no… I would never say anything to anyone.” He held Antonello’s gaze, his fork dangling off his fingers.

“I wish things were different. I do. But I have a duty to the family, and I have to be the one to carry our legacy forward. There is no one else capable.”

“That gives you authority. Your father and mother are not going to walk away from you. Will they be upset, surprised, disappointed, and maybe a little crushed? Sure. They saw a future for you that won’t come to be. I know my mother felt that way. She got over it. Of course Elaine having Ricky helped a hell of a lot.”

Chase could see the indecision in Antonello’s eyes. “I just don’t know.”

“You don’t need to go home in an ‘I’m gay’ T-shirt waving a rainbow flag tonight. This isn’t something to do on the spur of the moment. Think about it and give yourself a little breathing space. But for God’s sake, be true to the man you are, not the one they want you to be.” Chase picked up his glass and downed the last of the wine before refilling it. “I know that being someone else is wearing, and doing it for years will only sap all your energy.”

Antonello sighed loudly. “What can I do?”

“Maybe talk to a close friend. Tell them… her.” He held Antonello’s gaze. “If you ask me, I think your friend Isabella has already figured it out.” He continued eating the amazing dinner. “And let me tell you, anyone who can make food like this is very much in tune with their feelings and those of others. This Isabella cooks with her soul, which tells me she understands hers and each person’s that she cooks for.” He cleaned his plate and sat back. “I’ve done way too much talking.” A hell of a lot more than he ever intended.

“I guess I have a lot to think about,” Antonello said.

“Yeah. But don’t think too hard. You don’t want smoke to start coming out of your ears. That would be bad.”

“Who has ear smoke? I wanna see it,” Ricky said as he came out in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes.

“What are you doing up?” Chase tugged Ricky onto his lap. “You should be in bed, asleep.”

“I woke up hungry and heard you talking,” Ricky said softly. “My tummy wants two cookies.”

“We don’t have any cookies.” He handed Ricky a piece of the bread. “You can eat this. It has butter and a little garlic. It’s good.” Chase held Ricky as he ate the bread and drank some water, then cuddled close to him. “I’ll be right back.” He tookRicky to his small bedroom and tucked him into bed again. He rolled right over, holding his stuffy. “Sleep well.” He turned out the light and left the room, then pulled the door mostly closed.

Antonello stood at the end of the short hall, his glass in hand, watching him. “I’m jealous of you.”

“Why?” Chase asked.

“Because of Ricky. Because I will never have a son of my own. And maybe because I gave up on my chance for one—on my one chance at real happiness.” He downed the rest of his wine and set his glass aside, taking two quick strides, eating up the distance between them.

To say that Chase was surprised was an understatement, but as soon as Antonello’s hands touched his cheeks, sliding gently before drawing him closer, Chase stilled, wondering what was next.

Antonello drew even closer but hesitated for a fraction of a second before kissing him. And again Chase didn’t move. It took him a few seconds to realize what was happening before he responded, returning the heated kiss with one of his own. He closed his arms around the man he had longed to kiss since college, pouring years of pent-up want and frustration into it.

Antonello pressed him back until Chase bumped the wall before pulling away.

“We have to be quiet.” The last thing Chase wanted was for Ricky to see him and Antonello like this. It was enough that he joked about them kissing, but Ricky did not need to see it, or the fact that his pants were way too damned tight.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Antonello whispered. “But I’ll try.” He pulled Chase away from the wall and propelled him a few steps to the next door. He opened it, pressed Chase inside, and closed the bedroom door behind him. This was no slow, gentle seduction, but years of denied desire flooding tothe surface in a wave that drew Chase along, seemingly out of control. And he did nothing at all to stop it.

He pulled his shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor before working the buttons of Antonello’s white shirt, his hands shaking enough he was tempted to rip the fucking thing off him. Their kissing grew more heated as soon as they were skin to skin, and Chase wanted more. It seemed Antonello felt the same way, because he pressed Chase down onto the mattress. Heat built between them as Antonello slid his leg between Chase’s denim-covered ones, their hips coming together.

“Fuck,” Chase breathed as he ran his hands down Antonello’s back and over his tight, hard ass. Jesus God! Somehow he managed to slide his hands around and unfasten Antonello’s pants. But was able to do little else as they each held the other so tightly. It was enough, and Chase slipped his hands under the fabric, gripping Antonello’s bare ass, earning a deep groan that they cut off with another kiss that left Chase’s head spinning and every inch of him on fire.

Somehow he shimmied Antonello’s pants down. He kicked them off, and Chase frantically got his own off and onto the floor with a little help from Antonello.

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