Page 8 of Need for Speed

A few stray tears slip from my eyes. One of the things that made it easier with Axell was that he never cared if we had kids of our own. My mind is screaming for me to tell him that now is the best timing I’m going to get, but instead, I lean up and place my lips over his, willing myself to forget everything else for now.

Chapter 4

Axell

Last night was the races, and of course my brothers all held up the family name. They won each of their races by a landslide. I was so damn proud of them. However, I know Jagger and Bowie missed their wives, but I was sure the extra income from their winnings helped with the new additions to their families. I hate to admit it, but I actually felt a rush of jealousy while they were racing. I miss it but as soon as I looked over and saw Sadie standing with her group of friends the jealousy subsided. If I didn’t have her that would be worse than never racing again. Besides it had been my decision to not race anymore. She had stood by her word and never asked me to give it up. I know that my brothers all say she did but in reality, she never did. She just simply made the only decision she felt she could, which led me to make the only decision that I could.

Months, two months to be exact, that’s how long it had been since I last held Sadie in my arms, since I last got to kiss her, two months and it wasn’t getting any easier. I’d see her around school and at the bonfire beach parties but never at the races.

After she had told me should couldn’t be with me, I called the number on the card the two men gave me after one of my races. Turns out they wanted me to race for them. These were some big races and they brought in big money, but they needed someone worth putting money on.

The first night I pulled in I was shocked to see all of the high-end cars, Corvettes, Ferrari’s, Audi’s, and so many more. Cars that you dream about. I saw the two and parked by them. When I got out, they introduced me to a bunch of other guys then another racer, Tillman. He was from San Diego and cameacross as very chill. I liked him already. We talked and got to know each other before it was his time to race. I quickly learned from him and by observing the races going on that these were very different from what I was used to.

I watched as thousands of dollars were bet on the races. The amount of money being laid down was staggering to me. I would get forty percent of whatever was won according to Roberto and Manuel. I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around that. Hell, even ten percent of this kind of money was insane to me. Before I knew it, I had to get ready for my race. I slipped behind the wheel, blasted Disturbed, staring straight ahead I psyched myself out as the vibration from the bass of the music shot through my chest.

The girl standing between the cars dropped the green flag and instantly I flew from the start line. I didn’t know these roads well, but I didn’t need to. My body knew what to do. This is what I did best. I easily kept my lead and crossed the finish line a full car length ahead of the other racers.

Needless to say, Roberto and Manuel were more than impressed with my race. I continued to race for them for a few weeks, racking in the money and basking in the glory of the attention I received. Tillman and I quickly became good friends. Everything in my life looked great from the outside but really it was all going to shit. My mother’s health was declining daily and the ache for Sadie had yet to ease.

One night after our race, Tillman and I drove to one of the beaches and sat on the hood of our cars, drinking a beer. “So, you got a girl?” he asked me.

I shook my head and looked down while picking at the label on my beer. “Nope, no girl,” I reply taking a long pull from my beer.

Tillman chuckles. “But there was one.”

“What makes you say that?” I ask.

He shrugs. “The sound of your voice. So, what’s the story?”

I sigh heavily. “I didn’t know her very long, but she was different.”

“They always are,” Tillman replies.

“I almost got in a wreck while racing and it scared her. She was never a fan of me racing. She always said it was too dangerous then that happened and we kind of went off the rails. I tried to get her back, told her how I felt, and she felt the same, but said she couldn’t be with me because she couldn’t handle my racing.” As I tell him I feel the anger start to simmer in my veins.

“That’s a tough one. Did she ask you to quit?”

I shake my head. “Never, she said she wouldn’t, said she understood that it was a part of me and she’d never ask me to give it up, but she couldn’t be a part of my life.”

“Damn, that sucks,” he says. We sit in silence for a bit. Tillman clears his throat. “You know I had someone like that. She didn’t mind if I raced but she didn’t want me tied up in this kind of racing. Said money like this comes with expectations and what not. She gave me an ultimatum either her or this. Obviously, you know what I picked.”

I study his profile for a moment. I see the look of sadness that seems to come over his features and the way he talked about her must have been how I sounded when he asked about Sadie. “Did she come back?”

He hangs his head for a moment. “No, she’s in Seattle going to college, has a new boyfriend, and new life. I picked the racing to spite her. I was pissed that she was giving me the ultimatum, so I picked racing. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do and who knows maybe, we wouldn’t have lasted but I never got to know. Now, I just get to wonder the what if of it all.”

“Are you subtly trying to tell me something?” I ask him because I feel like he is.

He chuckles. “All I’m saying is that this life and money will suck you in, just make sure it’s your first pick. Don’t let something else go because of ego or pride.” Tillman slides from the hood of the car and stands. “I’m going to head home.”

The rest of the week Tillman’s words stayed with me. Every time I saw Sadie I’d wonder if I was making the right decision. I only had a few more days until the next race and I wasn’t sure I’d be there right now.

Ace comes into my office and I let the memory slip away. “You wanna do something tonight?” I raise my eyebrows at that question. “What? Kynlee will be out until late and I have no clue what she’s doing so in order to keep from going insane, I thought I’d see you if you wanted to do something.”

I nod. “That makes sense just figured you’d ask Jaxx and Pierce.”

“Jaxx is out of town for work and Pierce has a new boyfriend. Besides, I thought it’d be good if we could all figure out something to do.”

“In general, that’s a good idea but since Londynn and Hollis will be out with Kynlee, I doubt Jagger and Bowie can join us or have you forgotten two little things named Westin and Annalynn?” I ask.

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