Page 37 of Need for Speed

At some point I must have dozed off. Hollis was standing above me when I woke the next morning. Her head was tilted to the side. “Did you sleep here all night?” I nodded because I was afraid, I’d say something unkind if I spoke. My appearanceshould have given me away. A rat’s nest for hair and wrinkled clothing. I stretched my arms above my head, but they were stiff and achy. Hollis extended her hand and I took it. “Come with me,” she tells me.

“No,” I reply pulling my hand from hers. “I need to see Axell.”

Hollis takes a deep breath. “They won’t unlock the doors for another half hour, but the cafeteria is open, so we’ll go grab some breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry Hol.”

She nods her head. “I don’t blame you but that doesn’t mean I can let you do that. First let’s stop by the restroom.”

I walk beside Hollis but she’s leading us. Once the bathroom door shuts behind us she reaches into her purse and pulls out a box. She hands it to me and at first, I don’t really see the box but after a minute I finally start to see. The small box is a pregnancy test. “Do you think you’re pregnant again?” I ask her.

She smiles and shakes her head. “Oh no, Annalynn is a handful right now. That’s not for me, it’s for you.”

“What? I’m not pregnant.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Are you sure? Lyndsay, Seth and Drake all confirmed you’ve been vomiting for the past few days, usually in the mornings after a certain smell hits you. You’re a nurse so you know that’s a sign.”

“It is but I’m not pregnant. We haven’t even been trying and…” I stop to try and think when my last cycle was but I’m blank. “It’s just not possible,” I say with a shake of my head.

“It’s not possible at all?” Hollis asks, but we both know it is. Truth is I’m scared. I don’t know if I can handle finding out I’m pregnant in the hospital bathroom where Axell is lying in a coma in ICU. It all just seems to be too much.

“I can’t do this here,” I finally manage to croak out.

Chapter 19

Sadie

Hollis drives us to my house. Jovi isn’t staying here right now which I’m thankful for. Leaving the hospital was a hard decision for me but Hollis is right I could be pregnant, and I do need to find out for sure. If I am then I have to make sure to take care of myself better during all of this for our baby’s sake and if I’m not, then I can move on. Hollis starts some coffee and I head into our bathroom. It still smells like Axell or maybe it’s my mind playing tricks on me. It’s funny how when something is missing from your life, you’ll find it everywhere and in every little thing.

It takes me a good ten minutes to even get the courage up to pee on the stick. I lay in on the counter and climb into the shower. I figure by the time I get out I’ll know the truth. When I step out there’s a sun dress hanging on the back of the bathroom door and a pair of shoes and clean undergarments just inside the door. I get dressed without glancing in the direction of the bathroom counter where the test lays. I can’t bring myself to look at it.

I open the bathroom door and Hollis is sitting on the bed sipping coffee. She hands me a cup as she approaches. I see the expectant look in her eye, but I shake my head. “I can’t do it,” I admit quietly.

Hollis gives me a smile and rubs my arm. She steps around me and into the bathroom she walks to the counter. When she looks back at me there are tears in her eyes. “You’re pregnant.”

I stand there staring at the little stick lying on the counter. The stick that just changed everything. I always thought that when I found out I was pregnant Axell would be there but he’s not here. He’s lying in a bed unconscious, fighting for his life. Astrangled sob escapes my body like a war cry. Hollis is there in a flash pulling me into her arms and letting me cry out all of the stress.

A little while later, after I manage to eat a little breakfast, I head back to the hospital. I’m in my car now because I don’t want to have to depend on anyone driving me. I make my way up to Axell. Jagger is sitting in the chair next to the bed. He gives me a small, forced smile as I enter. “How are you holding up?” he asks me as he moves out of the chair and motions for me to sit. I’m about to protest but I know it would do no good.

I shrug. “As good as I can. How are you?”

“I’m okay. It’s odd. Axell has always been the rock for all of us. Whenever anything has started to fall apart, he’s always been there to pick up the pieces and hold us all together. Seeing him like this I just don’t even have words for how it makes me feel. I hate it though. I can only imagine how you’re feeling,” Jagger says.

“It is odd. This isn’t a place you think of when you think of Axell. It’s the last place you want him to be in. I hate the fact that he was rushing to get to me. This is all my fault,” I confess.

Jagger reaches over and takes my hand. “No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is. Before I left for South Carolina I told Axell things I should have told him years ago, but I didn’t. When I left we weren’t on good terms. Everything was uncertain. He was only rushing because of that and now here we are and it’s my fault.”

Jagger shakes his head. “It’s not your fault. Axell had forgiven you for not telling him about Drake.” My head whips up because I didn’t know he even knew about that. “He told me because he needed to talk to someone. I guess out of all of us I was his best bet. Anyway, he was over it and looking forward to moving on together as a family, Drake included. He was anxious to get to you but really this wasn’t anyone’s fault. Sometimesshitty stuff just happens. Axell’s a fighter and he’ll make it.” I nod and Jagger leaves with a promise to return later.

****

It’s been a week since I got back to L.A. A week since Axell’s accident. There’s been no major improvements in his condition but no declines either. We are just sitting ducks, waiting for something to happen. My nails are bitten down to the quick. I have an appointment myself today. It’s my first appointment to check on the baby, our baby. Hollis is going with me since Lyndsay is working. They are the only two I have told so far. I don’t want to go around announcing it the world when I haven’t even got to tell the father yet.

The doctor comes in and tells me that they plan on slowly pulling him out of the drug induced coma. What he really means is they will lower is drug dosage so that his body can wake up, if he can. The problem is that Axell may not be able to wake up. His body may not be ready or may have a different kind of damage that will keep him in a coma just not a drug induced one. I’ve been trying not to stress but this makes me nervous. It’s impossible not to stress even with the idea of our baby and how it might affect its health.

I’m holding Axell’s hand praying yet again and pleading with him to wake up soon when Hollis appears in the doorway. Hollis doesn’t give me that same sad look everyone else does and I’m thankful for that. I lean over and press a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be back soon,” I tell him.

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