Page 22 of Need for Speed

The song that Ace and Kynlee love byIn This Momentstarts to play and we begin to walk down the aisle. I smile at Ace as we approach him, but he surprises me as he steps forward and hugs both Sadie and I. He whispers, “Thanks” before taking his spot back. I see unshed tears shining in Sadie’s eyes.

Once we are in front of our designated chairs Kynlee begins to walk down. I see the love shining in her eyes as she takes in Ace. Quickly, I look over to my little brother and see the same look in his. It fills me with so much pride to see him in this moment, to be able to be a part of this moment. I’m so glad that Ace was able to see Kynlee for the amazing girl she was and really give her a chance. He deserves this.

Once Kynlee reaches Ace, I see them both wiping escaped tears from their eyes. We all take our seats. I hear Sadie sniffling and when I look over, I see her crying as well. I fish out the travel pack of Kleenex I stashed in my pocket because I knew Sadie would get emotional. I find them and hand one to her. She smiles gratefully at me and I reach over and take her hand in mine.

The music fades away and Kynlee passes her bouquet to Kenndrix. Jaxx, one of Ace’s best friends, is actually officiating the wedding. He became ordained online, apparently. He begins the ceremony and, in this moment, a perfect calm washes over the beach. Lazy waves slowly crash into the shore but other than that the weather is beautiful. The sun is setting behind Ace and Kynlee and I can’t help but feel at peace with everything. I truly feel like our parents are here watching this somehow.

Kynlee starts with her vows first. “Ace, we have been through so much that I wasn’t sure where to begin. You were the cool boy in school. The one that acted like he didn’t have a care in theworld, that had the cool car and swagger,” we all laugh at that, “I was instantly drawn to you. I remember having such a crush on you. I’d walk through the school parking lot just to see you. Which was totally out of my way since I rode the bus. Then I moved but no matter the distance I always wondered about the elusive Ace James. When I first got back to L.A. I knew I had to go to the races, to see you if nothing else. There you were all rebel without a cause, tattoos and cool car. The only difference was that I saw the broken in you. You’re broken called out to my broken. Somewhere along the way our broken pieces came together to complete the puzzle. We broke every limit we had. We crossed every boundary we set. We broke all the rules and it was so worth it. I’d go through it all again if it meant I got to be here with you right now, in this moment. I won’t lie there was a time I never thought I’d get this future with you but then you surprised me, like you always do, you went and broke every single limit, boundary, rule, and expectation and made me the happiest and luckiest girl in the world. I couldn’t have a happily ever after if it wasn’t with you. I love you Ace.”

By the time Kynlee is done with her vows there’s not a dry eye in the house. Even I have tears prickling at the back of my eyes. Sadie’s hold on my hand has tightened. When I look over at her I see her tearstained face. Instantly, I grab her another Kleenex.

Kynlee slips Ace’s ring on his finger but not before she stops, looking at his finger as confusion washes over her face. “What?” Ace smiles and shrugs. Kynlee beams at him, finishes slipping the ring on, then jumps into his arms to kiss him.

Jaxx clears his throat. “Whoa! Not yet!”

Ace and Kynlee both roll their eyes before we all start laughing. This is typical Ace fashion. Ace clears his throat before starting his vows and I find myself leaning toward them. I know my brother is a very passionate person even if he seems like themost unlikely person to be. I know he has a way with words but I’m curious as to how far he will go. How far will my little brother put himself out there?

“Kynlee, my angel first of all I love you. I know to most those seem like simple words, but you know just how much those simple words mean. You know me better than anyone in the world and there was a time when that scared the hell out of me, to let someone in, to let someone see the real me. The version of me that was behind the reputation. Then you came along and turned my entire world upside down. You were different from everyone else in my life. I needed that different even if I didn’t want to admit it. I swore I’d never fall in love. I swore I’d never get married, I never wanted a relationship, but I could never let you go. Once I finally had a little piece of you, I just couldn’t do it. I was selfish, and I didn’t care. You pushed me to my limits faster than I race cars. You made me realize that the life I had been living was empty. You pulled me from my darkened room and shared your light with me. You showed me a different way. Thank you for breaking the limits with me. Thank you for charging through the boundaries. Thank you for breaking the rules with me. Most of all, thank you for seeing something in me that I never saw in myself. Thank you for loving me when I didn’t love myself. Thank you for this moment. I promise to remind you that I love you every day. I promise to be by your side forever because angel, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I love you.”

Damn, my brother just made me so damn proud. Ace just laid it all out there for us to see. After our mom died, I never thought I’d see the day when Ace would open up. He shut down after her death. He acted like an asshole because it was the easiest way to keep people away. To keep everyone from seeing the real him. To mask the pain, he was feeling. He’s right about Kynlee saving him from the darkness and I can never thank her enough for that.

Ace and Kynlee are finally allowed to kiss each other. We all clap and dry our eyes before heading to our cars to head over to the reception which is at a rental property on the beach. As we make our way to the car, I notice Sadie is still gripping my hand for dear life. “Hey you okay baby?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because you’ve had a death grip on my hand this whole time.”

She loosens her grip. “Sorry, I didn’t even realize.”

I pull her hand up and kiss the back of it. “It’s okay. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” We stop so Sadie can slip her shoes back on before getting into the car. Sadie is quiet on our ride to the reception, but I don’t push her because I know she’s got a lot on her mind. We pull up and make our way inside.

The inside is decorated in red and white. Pierce, Ace’s other best friend, is apparently the DJ for the night. Ace and Kynlee arrive shortly after and take to the dance floor for their first dance. The same song that Kynlee walked down the aisle to is playing. I wrap my arms around Sadie’s waist and sway to the music.

The cake is cut, the bouquet has been tossed, and now we are all just talking or dancing. I excuse myself to find the restroom. On the way back, I stop and request a song. I approach the table just as it starts to play. I extend my hand out to Sadie. She stares at me for a moment before placing her hand in mine. We make our way to the dance floor to dance to our song.I’ll Be There For YoubyBon Joviis playing loud and clear. I pull Sadie close and we dance to our song. I love having her in my arms. I love being engulfed in her scent. I just love her.

Our song ends, andPerfectbyEd Sheeranstarts up. I keep Sadie in my arms as we continue to dance. The lyrics have me feeling sentimental and romantic. I lean down to whisper inSadie’s ear, “You are perfect. God, I love you. I’m going to miss you so much while you’re gone.”

I thought those would be good things to say, but the next thing I know I feel Sadie shuddering. I pull her back and realize she is crying. “Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask.

She just shakes her head and pulls away from me. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I just…can’t.” With that she turns and power walks out the back sliding-glass doors. I’m so stunned by her reaction that she’s already in the sand by the time I reach her.

“Sadie, what the hell is going on? You’re scaring me.”

She turns around to face me and I see the heartbreak in her eyes. Whatever has been bugging her is about to come out and I have a feeling it’s going to be like a hurricane hitting me. Sadie shakes her head and a sob escapes her. I want to go to her, pull her into my arms, comfort her, but I don’t. I’m frozen only I’m standing on a beach in sand. “I’m not perfect at all Axell. I’m not the girl you think I am.” Yeah, I’m not frozen. I’m in quicksand and I’m sinking fast.

Chapter 9

Sadie

One moment everything was fine and the next everything came crashing down on me. I had managed to hold myself together all day until I was in Axell’s arms dancing. I was able to keep the war of emotions going inside my head from cascading outside until that damnEd Sheeransong came on and Axell told me how perfect I was. I couldn’t fight it anymore. The war broke through and I lost it. I couldn’t fight the tears off as they came flooding through. I tried to keep Axell from seeing me like this, but I couldn’t. Rushing away from him sobbing didn’t help anything.

I suddenly couldn’t run away from it all fast enough. I needed a moment to myself, I needed distance from it all. The weight of everything was pulling me under. My limbs were heavy with guilt and regret. I hadn’t even reached the sand I already felt like I was sinking into it. The cool breeze stung my overheated body, but I welcomed it.

I know Axell and I know he’s not far behind me. I have to get myself together. This isn’t the time or place to have this discussion, but then again that’s been my excuse all these years. Maybe, it’s time to stop making the excuses and own up to my decisions, but to do it during Ace’s wedding just seems wrong.

I feel Axell’s presence behind me. My soul knows him. I don’t have to see him to know he’s there. Our souls seek each other out. I never believed in the idea of soulmates until I met Axell. I hear him clear his throat before he asks, “Sadie, what the hell is going on? You’re scaring me.”

My plan is to lie to him again, but when I turn around and see the man I love, my husband, the person I have been through so much with I can’t do it. I can’t continue to lie to him. It doesn’tmatter that it’s Ace’s wedding. It doesn’t matter that this isn’t the right time or place. My mouth throws the words out before I can reconsider them further. “I’m not perfect at all Axell. I’m not the girl you think I am.”

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