Page 20 of Need for Speed

Axell: No but Jovi got rid of all of his.

Sadie: No way! I never thought I’d see the day.

Axell: Right. He actually looks a lot like Jagger under the mop.

Sadie: Lol! Who knew?

Sadie: I have to finish getting ready. See you at the wedding.

Axell: See you there beautiful ;)

I put my phone in my pocket while we wait to head to the beach. Ace and Kynlee insisted on a beach wedding. I guess it holds something special for them. Ace comes out and hands me a white rose to pin to the pocket of my shirt. I look at him.

“Kynlee’s request.”

I laugh and take the rose. He’s so whipped.

****

Sadie

As I’m driving to the spa where I’m meeting up with Kynlee and the rest of the bridesmaids, I can’t shake the feeling of overwhelming guilt. In less that twenty-four hours my entire life can change and as a result so can Axell’s. I should have told him years ago, but I didn’t. Now, every time that I try, I stop because I’m a coward.

I never thought of myself as a coward. I actually thought I was strong and independent. In a lot of situations, I am that girl, but when it comes to telling Axell the truth about my past and the girl I used to be…well, I chicken out making me a coward.

Truth be told I’ve loved Axell so much for so long that the thought of losing him, of losing his love is downright terrifying. He’s been such a huge part of my life and soul that I don’t know what I’ll do if he can’t get past it all. In all honesty, I never deserved Axell James’ love. I was never worthy of the way he looked at me or the pedestal he placed me on. I wanted to be, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t be. My past was too tarnished. My soul had smudges of mud that would never come off just like the permanent grease stains on Axell’s clothes.

When I came to L.A. I had sworn off boys and the idea of love was completely foreign to me. I was in a depression of sorts. Axell saved me. He always says I saved him but he’s wrong. He came into my life and brought the light back to me. I was in the dark before him. From that moment on I wanted to be the girl hedeserved, the girl who deserved that look of all-consuming love and trust. I’ve tried hard but I’m about to drop a nuclear bomb on everything we’ve built, and I can’t help but be pulled down from the soul eating guilt and regret. Without Axell I’ll never be the same Sadie. This Sadie will cease to exist.

I pull into the parking lot of the spa and try to take a few deep breaths to calm my war of emotions. Eventually, the tears threatening the back of my eyes, calm down and I move towards the door. Today is for Ace and Kynlee, I remind myself.

As I walk into the spa, I spot our group. We’re all meeting here for manicures, pedicures and massages before having lunch then get ready for the wedding. Hollis spots me and waves me over, I join them. I plaster on my smile and try to absorb some of Kynlee’s excitement. A lady appears from behind a door to escort us to the area where we will start with massages. As we’re walking down the hallway Hollis leans over, “Are you okay?” Hollis was always the most observant and I had considered her one of my closest friends back in the day. It’s clear she still knows me pretty well.

“Yeah, just a little tired,” I comment.

Hollis smiles and raises her eyebrows. “Long night?”

I laugh at her suggestion but decide to go along with it. “Yeah, you know I leave first thing tomorrow, so I had to make up for all the time we’ll lose. “

“Girl, I don’t blame you,” she says with a laugh.

If only Hollis really knew what was bothering me. I know I could tell her, but it just seems wrong to tell her before I tell Axell. The massage therapist complains the whole time about how tight my muscles are. With each complaint I grind my teeth. I’m beyond irritable at this point and I’m well aware that my body is wound up.

Eventually, the massage ends, and we move to our manicures and pedicures. They bring us glasses of champagneand magazines to look at. Kynlee has picked a red glittery color for our fingernails and toenails that will match the wedding. Normally, I don’t do red but for her I will. It’s actually a pretty color too.

After finishing up at the spa we all head over to Ace and Kynlee’s place to get ready for the wedding. The hair stylist will be there. When we pull up, I spot Kynlee’s hair stylist, Christy, easy enough with her soft pink hair and arms colorfully decorated with tattoos. Beside Christy are two people I don’t know but I’m assuming they are Kynlee’s mom and sister, Brooke.

I know it means a lot to Kynlee to have them here, but I know her relationship with her mom is rocky at best and I hope that having her here doesn’t turn out to be an issue. As we park and get out of the cars, I realize that Brooke looks a lot like Kynlee except taller. Once we are close enough Kynlee introduces all of us to them. Both girls definitely look like their mom. They all share the same chocolate brown hair and brown eyes.

There is a little awkward tension between Kynlee and her mother, but Brooke seems to be trying to simmer it down with her constant chatter. It’s hard to believe that just a few weeks ago she was in the hospital with a head injury. I’m glad she’s feeling better and seems to know how to handle the tension filled air.

Londynn and I are chatting while waiting for our turn to get ready. Suddenly, she turns to me. “I think I want to cut my hair.”

“You do?” I ask. Her hair has gotten so long.

She nods. “There so much of it and it takes so much time to care for. It just got super long during my pregnancy thanks to all those vitamins. I liked it a little shorter.”

“Then cut it,” I encourage her. “I was actually thinking of dying mine,” I add.

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