Page 113 of Cosmic Captain

“Some people need to be needed,” he said. “I did; I do.” Kalvoxrencol stood. “Maybe he needs permission to stay, to want you. Not all of us feel worthy of the gifts we are given.” His tail coiled around mine before he left me to my thoughts.

Chapter 39

Not you. Anyone but you.

I numbly walked around the station that was to be our home for a few weeks. It was on the edge of Drakcon territory and another alien species' space, which was not part of the Coalition—I hadn’t bothered to catch the name, as what was the fucking point? There weren’t as many plants, which surprised me, and the aliens walking around seemed more leery, eyes flicking back and forth. Conversations were muted and not as loud or joyous. Something about this place was darker or rougher than the other station, but maybe it was more my utter dread of being here without Don.

Wary, I stayed close to Don. He had meetings on the station and had offered to bring me with him. The offer was more thana simple offer—he needed me to stay with him. I was much the same way.

It was difficult to let Don out of my sight. When I couldn’t see him, that worthless void filled me again, blotting out any light. I believed he was struggling more than I was, even though he didn’t say anything.

Don was talking with the station manager about room placements. He wanted all of us humans—well, not me—placed in a single room in between his brothers. We humans needed to be protected. All of us had been taken against our wills in the past, and we were nervous about it happening again.

His tail flicked against my ankle, tightening in response to my thoughts, while his hand gripped mine. Don didn’t waver in his conversation, but I smiled at him, resting my head against his shoulder. When we stood or walked side by side like this, it made me aware of how much larger Don was than me, but he was so gentle. I didn’t fear him in the slightest. I had no reason to.

That trust, which at first had been terrifying, wasn’t anymore. He’d proved time and time again that he would never harm me.

No. I was the one who hurt people.

He squeezed my hand again.

I forced myself to think about something else, so I didn’t distract him. My eyes flicked over the station, taking in the aliens and numerous shops. Much like the other station, this one was a cylinder with a docking ring surrounding it. We were in the center, which was filled with shops and restaurants. People of all shapes and sizes meandered around, speaking in so many different languages that NAID didn’t or couldn’t translate.

None of them truly bothered me, even with their sketchy air. In my time being away from Earth, I’d gotten used to seeing the variety of aliens who lived out among the stars. Besides, I was safe.

I rubbed my temple on Don’s shoulder, listening to the timbre of his voice even though I didn’t pay attention to his words. I couldn’t care less about what he was talking about, sadly, but I did like listening to him. He was so good at his job, even the boring bits. Fuck, I’d be bad at it. I’d tell everyone to handle their own shit and to leave me alone.

Not Don, though. He took everything about his job seriously, though he’d played hooky with me a couple of times. He was so good at it. Who knew competence was sexy, but it was.

A deep rumble came from Don, and I grinned. I was distracting him yet again. I sent him a silent apology and tried to focus on something else besides Don.

Blindly, I stared at the crowd. A spindly figure walked across my vision and sent a tremor up my spine. My breath turned harsh, and I had to fight not to scale Don like a fucking tree.

An alien who haunted my dreams like a monster under the bed was right in front of me. Xoi. The same aliens who’d stolen me from Earth. Their oblong heads like watermelons, their pencil necks, their thin bodies that didn’t seem possible, and the horrible spandex jumpsuits they wore—all terrified me.

The scorching flames on my arms as Agk ordered me to burn a dead body, followed by him hitting me and Teddy. More corpses. More flames. A not-dead alien writhing on the flames. Then Tryk buying me, throwing me to other aliens. The darkness. The never-ending darkness as hunger curled in my gut. Pain. Screaming. Begging to die. More darkness. There was no freedom from it.

I shook, my eyes unable to leave the two aliens who walked across the station marketplace without a care in the world. Rage boiled in my stomach, mixing with potent terror. I wanted to flee and, at the same time, grab a weapon and shoot them in their fucking heads. I wanted to see those watermelons explode and spatter the gray metal wall.

Arms encased me, dragging me against a solid chest. “You are safe.”

Xoi were here.

“They’re not a part of the Coalition,” Don said, “but they are allowed in our and Coalition space to trade, as long as they follow the laws.”

I didn’t care. I wanted to kill them all.

Don shushed me, rocking me in his embrace.

His touch and scent normally soothed me, but it didn’t this time. Memories crashed over me, making my stomach roil. I pushed away from him. “I’m going to puke.”

He dragged me to the closest trash can barely in time before I bent over the metal receptacle and vomited. Tears burned my eyes and the acidic bile made my nose sting. Memories swelled, pushing over the dam I’d constructed to hold them back.

I was back in the hold of the cargo ship. The juddering floor. The moans of my fellow captives. The stink of body odor, sewage, and death. Over a hundred of us were jammed into the tight hold with no place to lie down. Teddy. I’d latched onto him and hadn’t let go, even when they dragged us out and sprayed us with a cleansing foam that burned or when they shoved us into an auction.

Vomit continued to come up. Tears ran down my cheeks. Everything that followed shredded me. The fights. The dead bodies. Being sold again. Being starved. Being hurt. Being used.

Something warm cupped my cheek and waves of calm like the tide of the ocean washed over me, soothing the memories, stealing them away.

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