Page 82 of Gideon's Gratitude

He said my name so sharply that I stopped mid-sentence. Just shut right the fuck down.

I put my hands in my lap and looked down.

“Hey.” His tone was soft. He put his finger under my chin and tipped my gaze up to meet his. “What’s going on?” He appeared truly baffled.

“You told me to shut up.”

His eyes widened. “No, I didn’t. Not at all.”

“But…”

He shook his head. “You were getting more and more upset. I was trying to tell you that I didn’t even give your name to Maddox and Adam. That, although they were curious, I didn’t say anything. That I completely respected your privacy. Yes, they’ve now met me—as well as Lucky—but they know nothing about you. I would never violate your sanctuary, Gideon. I mean…I guess I did by coming here the night of the storm. But today? Nothing, okay?” He blinked. “And I wouldnevertell you toshut up. Not you or anyone. Ever.”

“Oh.”Well, shit.

“I…” Finally, he released his grasp of my chin. “That’s not who I am. And if that’s the kind of man Leo is—”

“No!” The word exploded from me. “No. Never.”Make him understand. “Leo would never…”

“But someone…” He swallowed. “That was a place of trauma, Gideon. I’m not a therapist, but even I saw what happened. That’s…” His eyes radiated compassion and concern. “Can you talk about this? To me? To Kennedy? Because…”

Again, his words trailed off.

Only intensifying my own guilt.

Make him understand.

I took a deep breath. “Leo never made me feel stupid, okay? You need to understand that. I do feel stupid around him, but that’s on me—not him.”

“Gideon—”

I raised my hand.

He stopped.

“But I had serious issues with my parents.” I winced. “God, that’s such a cliché. Except it’s sort of true. I wasn’t great at school. Actually, I was terrible at school. Leo figured I had some kind of learning disability. Or whatever it’s called.” I rushed on. “But I graduated. And got a job on the docks. Leo went to school, and we adopted the kids, and I swore I’d read to them every night. But I’m not, Archer. I’m not reading to them every night. I’m not reading at all. And Melodie’s going to be far advanced. She’s going to leave me in the dust. My own daughter, and I won’t be able to help her—”

My voice broke. “My father used to tell me toshut the fuck upwhen I was struggling. When I was asking for help. When I was feeling stupid.” I brushed at my damp cheeks.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He clasped my hand. “I don’t know what I said…”

“You were talking about some architect guy. And howMaddoxknew about the influence, and…” I flailed the other hand. “No one knows I’m up here. That’s just the way it’s got to be.”

He blinked.

Undoubtedly trying to figure out the logic to my thought processes.

Spoiler alert—there wasn’t one. I wasn’t smart enough for that.

“Okay.” He held tight when I tried to pull my hand away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go on about my house. And I certainly didn’tmean to make you feel stupid. I would never—and I mean never—do that. Not to you. Not to anyone.”

He pursed his lips.

“Okay, except Chevy.”

I blinked.

“Attempted hookup. Total disaster. Never want to mention him again except to say I would totally do horrible things to him because he was a horrible human being. But that’s not the point.” He drew in a breath. “I didn’t say anything about you to Maddox or Adam. They were great guys, and we exchanged phone numbers, but I figure that’s just prudent up here. Both are clearly in committed relationships, and I respect that. This is me not having many gay friends and thinking I want to change that. This is me thinking I could come up here and hold myself apart—only to meet you and find that I don’t want to be alone.”

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