Page 59 of Gideon's Gratitude

Pain radiated in my chest. Not the dull ache I endured with my back muscles. Nor the sharp pain that shot through my spine. This agony was from within. Emotional manifested as physical.

A word I’d learned from a counselor at the pain clinic. Sometimes the pain really was all in my head.

Again, I turned my back to the spray and let the water pound on my shoulders.

Why the fuck did I break down?Yes, the upset over the kids was to be expected. Today’s visit had gone better than the previous few because of Archer’s quick thinking. The kids loved the effects.

Ask him to teach me.

It’d been an ice breaker. A way to make the kids laugh. And Leo hadn’t approved. But, hell, he didn’t approve of anything. Nothing I did was ever good enough.

I lathered my hair. I probably didn’t need to, and my shoulders would ache, but I wanted to make a good first impression on Kennedy.

And you want Archer to notice.

Something tells me I’ve already caught his attention.

Do you think?

Thestraightlawyer.

And yet…

There’d been a moment, as Archer touched my cheek, when something passed between the two of us. Something I struggled to put into words. Words—not my strong suit.

I was a man of action. Actions spoke louder than words, right? A man needed to be counted on to do the right thing.

What is the right thing?

I didn’t know. Certainly acting upon the attraction—the one-way attraction—was a recipe for disaster. I’d likely lose the only friend I had.

But—and this was a big but—what if I read the situation right? What if the big lawyer was attracted to me? Was bi or in the closet or pan or something else that didn’t preclude an intimate relationship with a man?

Would you even know what to do?

Uh…no. Twenty years in a relationship with the same person—my first and only, no less—left me with no major experience. No way to read another man’s intentions. No way to know if I could even respond.

It’s an erection. For fuck’s sake, what’s the big deal?

You know it is.

The accident hadn’t damaged me inthatway, but my libido had taken a nose-dive and had yet to recover. Leo and I managed a few times, but between my pain and lack of interest, as well as Leo’s impatience, it hadn’t been fun. Not like it used to be.

More heartache. More pain.

We’d been good together. Fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. It’d been as natural as breathing.

I shut off the water and attempted to shut down those thoughts.I’m over Leo. I’m so over Leo. Even if he wants me back, which he never would do, I wouldn’t go.

Trust had been broken. On both sides. Repairs of that magnitude were impossible. Or at least in my estimation. Too many unforgivable things had been said.

On both sides.

I could own that. I’d lashed back when Leo’d gone after me. Had clawed back in the face of something so monumental as losing my family.

As I padded into my room, I contemplated. What did one wear to a counseling session? I had no fancy clothes. I owned one suit and hadn’t worn it since before the accident. Some fancy event Leo’d been expected to attend. I’d been out of place, but I’d tried to hold my own. Be an asset to Leo.

That suit would never fit today. Losing thirty pounds, mostly muscle, didn’t lend itself to looking good. Ill-fitting, at best. I owned one pair of khaki pants but faced the same dilemma. I owned a belt, but that’d only go so far.

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