Page 81 of Only Ever Yours

The thought is almost surreal, but sitting beside my Peachy, watching her… I know I want this.

Someday, I want to build a life with her, and it fucks with my head because I’ve never felt this way before. And this beautiful, crazy girl sitting beside me, gushing over her best friend's baby, would make the best mother.

Oh, fuck—yeah, I’m thinking about that.

But what the hell am I gonna do?

I can't get her out of my mind, and I can't see any other future without Ellie being part of it. The urge to tell herhow I feel is right on the tip of my tongue, but it dies along with the joke coming from Ryan’s mouth.

“Ellie, ignore Jay. He's not having much luck in the lady department right now,” he snickers.

If eyes could throw a punch across the room, he'd be on the floor right now. This fucker thinks he's funny because he knows there’s more than we're letting on.

Haleigh slaps his chest. “Ryan!” she scolds him as his body shakes from laughter.

“Very funny, asshole. I thought we were friends.” I glare at him.

I'm looking in his direction, but I can feel Ellie shifting beside me. A low grumble slips from her lips before she speaks.

“Alright, my sweets,” she leans down, kissing my niece's forehead before sliding forward and standing with her. “I’ve gotta get going.”

Haleigh sits up, “Oh, Ells, you don’t have to leave. I thought you were gonna stay longer.” She pops her bottom lip out with puppy dog eyes, looking at Ellie.

“I promise I will be back when there is less company.” She says to my sister, and I don’t ignore the way her words are laced with something meant for me. Then her eyes meet mine. “Am I handing her to you?”

She's leaving because of me, I know this. I speak, trying to hide the fact that she’s killing me inside. “Ofcourse you are,” I say, trying to keep my voice light. “Just for a minute, and then I’m headed out, too.”

I position my arms, waiting to take her, and she leans forward with the softest motion, placing Ryleigh Grace into my hands.

But it's not just the fresh scent of a new baby I breathe in when I take her. The sweet smell of Ellie consumes my senses.

I thought I would be getting to smell her newborn baby scent, but no. Ellie's perfume lingers and clings to her blanket like a whisper, reminding me of her intoxicating smell that’s already ingrained into my memory.

At that moment, I realize just how much she's a part of my life. And she's slowly fucking killing me, because I can’t touch her the way I want to.

Chapter 24

Ellie

I wake to the sunshine casting a soft glow across my bedroom. I check my phone, hopeful. Even though it's still pretty early on the East Coast, I have no messages—not a single text wishing me a happy birthday.

I should be excited and bursting at the seams. Today ismy day…my birthday, but all I feel is alone. An ache settles in my chest as a sadness washes over me.

Nobody to wake up with.

Nobody to enjoy a birthday breakfast with.

I can almost hear my mom's voice in my head, waking me up with her sweet smile and the smell of pancakes and bacon filling the house. Breakfast has always been her favorite meal to cook. Every year, she made me breakfast—just for me—with all my favorites. It was her special thing.

But not this year.

This year, it's just me… all by myself.

Of course, I have my bestie, Haleigh, who I will be seeing later today. But right now, the radio silence is killing me, and I feel more alone than I ever have been.

I pull myself out of bed with the stress of the day already weighing on me. I need to get into the shower and pull myself together. It's Saturday, so I don’t have to work, but I need to go to the grocery store and do my part of buying my share of groceries this week.

Maybe someone will remember my birthday at some point today.

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