Page 32 of Only Ever Yours

Conversation at dinner has been flowing freely. However, it almost feels a little awkward. I just can’t quite figure out why. Actually, no, I’m pretty sure it’s him.

He’s awkward.

I’m not giving up on us, at least not yet. This is the first time Kevin and I have truly sat down and talked. Our conversations have never gotten too in-depth until tonight. But tonight feels like a step towards something more, and I’m trying—really trying—to see if there could be something real here.

We met one night when I was out dancing with some of my girlfriends. He bought me a drink, and we’ve been texting or talking every few days since then. It’s been slow… easy. And while the pace has been nice, it also means we barely know each other.

The ambiance at the restaurant is so relaxing. The lights are dimmed, and candles are lit in the center of every table. It's pretty romantic for a first date—maybe too romantic, but Kevin picked it, and I don’t mind because I love the food here.

Most of the time when we’ve hung out, it was just grabbing a quick bite or dancing at a crowded club, where the music drowned out any real chance to talk and connect.

He travels a lot for work, so our time together has been limited.

He’s definitely different tonight, though. Quieter. Tense. It almost seems like he’s worried about something. I don't know. I probably make him nervous with all mycraziness. Maybe he just needs a drink to take the edge off and loosen up.

Normally, I’m a free spirit—a go-with-the-flow kinda girl. But now? Well, now I have so much shit to worry about.

We talked a bit more about my current situation and how I need to find a place to stay in the next two weeks. He said he was sorry that he couldn’t offer me any help, and I didn’t expect him to.

I told him all about how my sister was currently making my life a living hell, but I carefully left out the details of her fucking around with Jaydon behind my back. That’s a secret I’m not ready to unpack, especially not with him.

I don’t want Kevin to get the wrong idea about why Breanne and I are truly at each other’s throats.

Overall, he seems like a genuinely nice guy, maybe a little too good to be true, but a girl can only hope.

God knows I always have the worst luck when it comes to men.

I quickly down the last of my rosé wine. Kevin insisted we celebrate our first dinner date with a drink. It’s not assweet as the normal rosé I drink, but it will do for tonight. I needed that glass after the shitty day I’ve had. And it seemed to help him relax a bit. I guess he did need that little bit of alcohol to help his nerves and calm him down.

“Would you like to get dessert?” He eyes me.

“Oh, no thanks… I’m stuffed,” I say with a hand on my stomach. “I don’t think I could eat anymore if I tried. But if you want something, I don’t mind sitting a bit longer to talk.” The unhealthy alfredo pasta I devoured mixed with my glass of wine is doing unkind things to my stomach, and now I’m thankful I wore a flowy dress instead of my skintight jeans.

“No, I’m good as well… I’m ready to head out. Let me grab the check, and we can go.”

He casually offers me his arm when we stand from our seats. Accepting his gesture, I wrap mine through his and link arms, and he guides me through the restaurant with a little more confidence than when we first arrived.

I grab his bicep with my free hand once we get to the parking lot, mostly to steady myself on the uneven brick, but secretly wanting to feel his muscles.

Eh,I’m not impressed.

I know that's such a fucked-up thing to do, but I just can't help but want a nice set of arms on a man. The feel of his closeness doesn’t turn me on; his warmth is radiating into me, but I’m not excited by his touch—not the way Iam when Jaydon touches me. He sets my insides on fire… Kevin doesn’t. Not yet, anyway.

Being the arm whore that I am, I couldn’t help but notice his arms aren’t quite as big as Jaydon’s either.

Dammit, why am I still thinking about that asshole?

I already know the answer, though—the arms on that man drive me fucking wild. And I can’t shake the thoughts of him from my head.

We have been riding in an awkward silence since leaving the restaurant. I thought dinner went pretty well, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe he decided he’s not interested in me, and to be honest, I’m not sure I’m all in with him yet, either.

Maybe I’m just pushing myself to have something with someone because I want to get Jaydon off my mind. Constant thoughts of him and his cockiness—his hard as fuck body—roll through my mind on a daily basis. His fucking tatted-up arms, veins popping, just do things that I can’t explain.

I’m an arm whore and I know it.

I get wet between my thighs just thinking about his thick fucking forearms. I mean, look at me—I’m currently on a date with another man, and Jaydon is invading my thoughts. Maybe Kevin is doing the same thing as me, thinking of another woman in his silence. Who the hell knows? My mind is always running wild. This is what silence does to me—my crazy ass imagination always gets the best of me.

We are quickly approaching my street, but Kevin doesn’t slow down.

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